


Not The One You Were Meant To Find

by fullmetalscully



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, Assassin AU, Eventual Romance, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Royai - Freeform, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Torture, Violence, assassin riza, smut (chapter 20)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-09-22 12:39:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 68,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17059946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmetalscully/pseuds/fullmetalscully
Summary: Historical AU. Alchemy means power, status, glory. Those who are unfortunate enough to be unable to perform it are treated as second class citizens, cast out from society as Fuhrer King Bradley begins to build his empire. Riza Hawkeye leads the resistance against his regime, an assassin who is tasked with taking out the alchemists. Royai.





	1. i am not a stranger to the dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK and i couldn't resist posting the prologue to my newest project!
> 
> so this fic spawned from an idea about a royai "rewrite the stars" fic (both our faves from two different social classes who want to be together (the "i'm not the one you were meant to find" lyric SLAYS ME) and it has grown arms and legs from there ("it's rewrite the stars but with assassins")
> 
> enjoy! updates will be posted posted more often than once a week but i won't confirm a set time yet. i'm just putting this out there as a taster so let me know what you think!
> 
> also, shout out to lexi for helping me spawn this idea. i hope you enjoy it!

**_i am not a stranger to the dark_ **

Riza Hawkeye doesn’t remember much about her childhood. Moments came to her in dreams and when she calls upon them, but they are fleeting and don’t hold much substance. One that sticks out the most, the true turning point in her early years, was her mother’s death. It happened when she was eight. It was an illness, they said. She didn’t feel any pain, they said. But Riza distinctly remembers hearing the screams.

She remembers her father before and after that event but both faces look the same. His cold eyes and uncaring expression never changed. When her mother died he went so far as to hide her away. The cupboard under the main staircase became her new home. Whenever Father had visitors, she would be hidden in that godforsaken space for hours at a time. In that cramped room she had no real way of tracking the time. She just remembers the fear and the overwhelming sense of loneliness that threatened to suffocate her.

“You can’t come out, Riza,” her father always told her. For once, some emotion had crept into his eyes but it was fear. He was scared of her, ashamed of her.

During night hours she had free reign of the house, so long as she kept the lights off. No one was allowed to see her, no one was allowed to know she was living here. Young Riza didn’t understand. She just wanted to go out and play with Mother like she had for years prior to her passing. She wanted to hug her father but every time he looked at his daughter there was a look of shame on his face. So she turned in on herself. If her father refused to love her then she was by herself in this world. Nobody cared about her. Nobody knew she even existed. The only other person who did was in the cold ground.

And Riza is not sure why, but she prominently remembers a boy’s face. When she turned eleven her father recruited an alchemy apprentice. Of course, Riza was hidden away once more whenever he attended lessons but the boy found her. She had cowered in fear in her small haven from the outside world, terrified at having been discovered. However he simply looked curious. Like she was a priceless artefact from a civilisation long lost and he was trying to place her in this world. He had smiled at her. He had acknowledged her existence. The first person to do so in three years. She knows his name but chooses not to say it. Because if she did then the anger and sorrow that had been festering inside her since she was fifteen years old would burst forth, pushing her out of control.

Riza can’t recall much of her childhood, whether it was because she had pushed all that down far within her so that nobody could access it, not even herself, or if her memories were altered using alchemy, she doesn’t know. The latter would not surprise her. Even the mere mention of the word “alchemy” draws her mouth into a sneer. If she wasn’t tailing somebody right now she might even spit on the tiled roof she was crouched on.

As Riza grew older and began to venture out of the cupboard with the boy she learned a lot of new information. Suddenly things about the world were a lot clearer. She realised why her father had hidden her away.

Alchemy was a source of power and status in this world. Anyone who wasn’t blessed by the skill was treated as a second class citizen. Those who were unfortunate enough not to be chosen were cast out of Central and into the slums. This who _were_ fortunate sat in positions of power in the centre, with King Bradley at the top.

The bastard.

But no matter how much she understood it didn’t stop the pain she felt inside her chest when she remembered the look on her father’s face as Bradley’s men dragged her out of her own house and away the slums. The look on that boy’s face as she called out to him to help her. He had been the only person since her mother’s passing who had shown her kindness. And when she _really_ needed him, he hadn’t helped her.

That had been ten years ago. She had only been fifteen.

Deciding that was all Riza was going to reminisce about tonight, she scoffed and vaulted over the low wall on the roof silently, making her way down the tiles carefully and soundlessly. The added wetness from the rain during the day aided to her silent approach of her target.

The man walked the streets below completely unaware of death stalking him from above. He laughed merrily with his male companion, stumbling over his own feet. Almost staggering into a lamppost he paused, then laughed once more.

How can they celebrate and live so freely when there are people dying every day in the slums? How can they walk together knowing that slaves in the eastern mines died day in and day out while they lived in their luxury?

Disgusting.

Deciding Riza had heard enough of their pointless conversation about the weather and what the winter months will bring, she dropped from the rooftop.

One feeling that remained with her after all these years was the thrill she felt when falling through the air. When moving towards the ground so fast she felt as though she might splatter on the concrete. She was flirting with danger every time and she knew it. Her grandfather told her off every time. Said she shouldn’t throw herself around the way she did. Said it would get her killed eventually.

Riza never admitted it to him – or anyone – but that fact never really bothered her.

At the last second she angled her feet towards her target’s shoulders, hitting him dead on. With a cry he fell forward, face smashing off the cold ground hard enough to shatter his teeth. Well, he won’t need them anymore.

Keeping the man’s companion in her peripheral vision, she deftly released the hidden blade strapped to her forearm and slit her target’s throat. Warm blood spilled over her hands but Riza barely reacted. She had done this hundreds of times already. What was one more drop of blood on her hands?

This was all over in a few seconds, giving the companion little time to react. But when Riza looked up as she after hearing a snap, eyes coming face to face with the boy from her childhood memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> each chapter will be titled after a lyric from one of the songs from the greatest showman (all building up to a rewrite the stars chapter which i am DYING to write), hence the title of this chapter


	2. the runaways are running the night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as you can probably tell from the prologue this is not going to be the cheeriest fic in the world. there is some pretty rough stuff in here, nothing too graphic (I mean riza’s an assassin so graphic kinda goes without saying in that sense), but i thought id give a warning anyway! mentions of slavery and physical abuse (not graphic)  
> that being said i hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think!  
> merry christmas!

**_the runaways are running the night_ **

Before Riza could see his reaction she tore off down the street. She felt the flames lick at her legs, the heat a drastic change from the temperature of the autumn night. She dodged them effortlessly, rolling away and sprinting down the street without looking back. It was late and foot traffic was at a minimum. Someone shouted a few seconds after she left the scene, but it wasn’t _him_. Then a woman’s scream.

Riza cursed. This was supposed to be a quiet job, but nothing she hadn’t dealt with before. She was a good assassin. A _really_ good one. While that might terrify most Riza took pride in that fact. This world hadn’t offered her much so she took what she could get. Her grandfather often praised her skill, but it was not without remorse. She knew this wasn’t the life Grumman would have chosen for her. In fact, she saw it in his eyes every time she returned from a job, but there was nothing to be done. In order to free herself and over seventy per cent of Amestris’ population she had to do it.

She had to take down Bradley’s officials because that was the only way she would get to King Bradley himself. The man had a lot to answer for. The persecution of people – _her_ people – who weren’t able to learn alchemy, her own suffering, and the current state of this country.

Poverty was rife around Amestris. All money was used on those who were at the top of society in Central. Each of the major cities had their own alchemist population, but being in Central put you closer to the top of society and left you in Bradley’s good graces, so the majority moved to the capital.

As you travelled further out of the main city the condition of the houses deteriorated fairly rapidly. Small time alchemists lived in what Riza and most of those who lived in the slums had dubbed “the middle ring” of Central. This area was full of townhouses, each designed to look like they were high end and luxurious but were so cramped together Riza often thought it gave them the look of sardines, all packed together in the rotten can that was Central. The middle ring was for those who used alchemy to get by in life with the added perk of enjoying basic human rights. However, it was not unheard of for officers to evict people without a moment’s notice in order to make way for grander and more powerful alchemists, so really nobody was safe from Bradley’s regime.

“The outer ring” was where Riza had been relocated to at fifteen years old against her will. The slums were awful. She’d lived there for a week – well, lived was too cushy a term, more like held there before being transported to the east. Living conditions were extremely poor. Feral orphans lined the streets, the area was stricken with poverty and pollution, and death was on every corner. It was the forgotten part of Central, somewhere Bradley’s officers never bothered to visit and police, therefore a whole host of unsavoury activities took place.

Like recruiting assassins.

It truly was a cursed place and one Riza liked to avoid at all costs. Her week there had been more than enough.

People living there were taken in the night away from their families for no real reason, other than to provide the eastern mines with another set of hands. The government never publicly admitted it, but the mines were slave camps. They mined for rock to build the different buildings in “the inner ring”. Anything of value was taken away and the founder was offered a reward. Well, if you can consider an extra meal that day a reward. Riza had spent a year there until her grandfather found her. Slaves were lucky if they lived six months in the mines but Riza didn’t exactly consider herself lucky for surviving a year.

Riza hooked a right around a corner and into an alley. Footsteps were close behind her but faded as she distanced herself from the street. She grabbed onto a drain pipe and hauled herself up. Shimmying up she grasped the ledge of the roof, easily puling herself into a sitting position. Her legs dangled over the edge and she looked down below. To her surprise, a lone figure entered the alleyway. They paused and looked around frantically.

It was _him_.

A moment later three more people appeared at the entrance. Orders were called to search the surrounding streets for the assassin.

“Search the surrounding area, I want this murderer found! This is the third time this week,” the officer growled. Riza noted the military blue he wore. One of Bradley’s men. “Mr. Mustang, sir. Please, can we escort you somewhere safe? I don’t want you to become a target as well.”

Pause.

“Yes. Of course.”

Riza didn’t wait around to hear any more. She only had one target tonight and didn’t like to take more than was necessary. As she stood another shadow appeared to her right.

“Hey,” Jean Havoc greeted. Riza turned to face him. Black cloth covered the bottom half of his face. His mouth and nose were covered, leaving only a break in the material for his eyes. Blonde hair stuck out from the cloth over his head. Apparently not even their assassin’s standard outfit could tame that haircut.

She frowned when she noticed a splatter of blood on his cheek. “You okay?”

“Huh? Yeah, of course.” Riza tapped her own cheek, indicating the stain on his skin. “Oh, that,” was all he offered. Havoc shrugged. “It’s just the nature of the job.”

“Are you hurt?”

Havoc chuckled. “No. The coward barely put up a fight. Opted for spitting on my shoes instead.”

With one more glance down at the alley she noticed he was gone. Two officers remained, searching for any sign of where Riza could have disappeared to.

A strange feeling flitted through her at the thought of no longer seeing Roy, but Riza let it go. There was no use dwelling on the past. He had chosen his place now, despite knowing how the majority of the population were treated.

He had chosen to side with Bradley.

Riza thought he would be different. As a teenager he never seemed happy with how the world worked. He had told her about how he wanted to become a powerful alchemist so he could protect and help the people he loved.

_Yeah, where was that dream now, asshole, while you are cosying up with Bradley every night?_

Riza’s target tonight had been a man called Basque Grand. So much for the legendary “Iron Blood Alchemist”. Riza had snuck up and ended his life within a matter of seconds. He had no idea what had even hit him. Then again, Riza was _very_ good.

Grand was very close with Bradley. The Fuhrer knew there was a resistance against him but didn’t seem overly concerned. Hopefully with this hit, her grandfather said, they would start to take the resistance more seriously.

Riza hadn’t anticipated Roy being there tonight. In her gut she knew that one day a hit would go out against him. She wasn’t stupid. Despite his changes in loyalty, Riza couldn’t help but feel nauseous at the thought of him dying. After all, he was the only person alive who had actually cared about her in her younger years. It may be childish, but those four years they had spent together were the happiest years of her life, and that was saying something about her twenty five years of being alive.

Normally she accepted any hit without cause for complaint and never asked for anybody in particular. However, she had requested, should the time come, she would receive the hit on Mustang. Her grandfather never asked her about her childhood but could sense a connection there. How could you ask a former slave what their life had been like before you met them? Without argument, he’d agreed.

She just wanted to make sure it was quick for him. Because, despite everything, she could never get rid of the memory of him screaming her name as she was dragged from her home to the eastern mines. She wanted to give him one more chance to explain himself, to see if she could change him over to her side like he had been when he was a child. If not…

A small voice inside her head whispered that she might not be ready to face that “what if” just yet. Riza would never admit it to anyone, not even her fellow assassin’s, but she wasn’t sure if she would ever be strong enough to kill him.

Years later, finding out he was one of Central’s elite and rubbed shoulders with the likes of Bradley, it stung. But regardless of that, she would grant him that mercy, should it come. A favour for an old friend. A payment for the kindness he had shown her as a child.

“I’ll take the west,” Havoc told her. “See you at the Keep?”

Riza nodded and leapt off the edge of the roof into the night air. She landed on the opposite building with a thud, crouching into a roll before taking off at a sprint once more. A voice in her head whispered how, if she ran fast enough, she could escape the feeling coiling in her gut at the thought of Roy Mustang dying. Now _that_ was childish.


	3. got your head hung low, your skies a shade of grey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get ready for some hawkeye/havoc bff moments bc their friendship is severely underrated and ive made it my life mission to fix that

**_got your head hung low, your skies a shade of grey_ **

 

_Ten years ago_

 

“Come on, Riza,” Roy beckoned her eagerly. The grin on his face was infectious, her own smile making an appearance. It had been too long since she last smiled and it was all because of him. He had been studying under her father for four years now. Whenever Roy was in the house for his lessons Father always made her hide but he had left ten minutes ago to go into town to run an errand. Roy was supposed to be studying, but of course the seventeen year old was intent on showing her something “very cool”. He had just begun to perform flame alchemy and he was excited to show her. A new, foreign emotion came to Riza as she noticed his excitement upon telling her. She was proud of him. A blush crept up to her face as he had grabbed her hand tightly, tugging her through her house to Father’s study.

He made her feel special, young Riza had realised very early on. The first time they had met she had been terrified. She had been discovered after being _so careful_ not to make any noise. In all fairness, Roy had snuck up on her hiding place. All of a sudden the door to her dimly lit cupboard had swung open, the light pouring in blinding her. Riza had gasped before placing both hands over her mouth to mask the sound. Wide, fearful eyes met curious ones.

“What are you doing in here?” he asked, surprised.

She had never met the boy before, only seen glimpses through the cracks in the wood. He had looked very serious when conversing with her father but the boy in front of her looked so different. His expression was relaxed, carefree, and friendly.

She had been eleven when they first met and Riza still couldn’t quite believe, four years later, just how kind Roy had been to her. He was growing into a handsome young man Riza noticed. He had grown into his gangly frame, arms filling out with muscle that made Riza blush and encouraged a strange feeling in her stomach. Although the concept of a crush was foreign to her, she knew she _really_ liked him. After Father discovered they had been spending time together he relented in his rule that Riza had to hide the entire time Roy was attending his lessons, much to both of their delight. Roy was her first friend and with his warm smiles and the way he held her hand she couldn’t help but fall for him as she grew older. Never admitted it to herself though, of course.

“Roy,” Riza whispered, eyes darting fearfully around the house after pulling her hand away. It was night time and the lights were on in the house. Anyone looking in the windows of their townhouse would be able to see her. Riza had paused next to the large bay window in the ground floor hallway, too afraid to step passed it.

If anyone did see her she could be taken away by the police. That thought alone was enough to root her to the spot, staring fearfully at the glass. Oh, how she longed to look outside just this once…

Roy sighed and grabbed her hand, gently tugging her along once more. “Nobody is looking. You’ll be fine.”

Oh, how wrong he was.

Riza resisted at first, but it was hard, especially when it was Roy who was urging her along. He had been the first person since her mother died to acknowledge her, to speak to her properly, so Riza found herself inclined to go along with his adventures. In the three years prior to his apprenticeship she hadn’t spoken to another soul. The very brief conversations she had with her own father didn’t really class as talking.

Two days later the officers arrived.

Roy had been studying with her father when they burst into their home. Riza had jumped in fright from her hiding spot. Realising people were ordering men to search the house, Riza scuttled backwards until her back hit wood louder than she would have liked but in the panic she didn’t care.

They were ordering a search of the house.

“Find the girl.”

Riza placed a hand over her mouth to keep her breathing quiet. Her heart stopped. Blood roared in her ears. Why were they here for her? Had someone seen her that day she had snuck out with Roy?

 _This can’t be happening_.

She sobbed as light poured into her cramped space, like it had done when Roy had first found her. Instead of the warmth she had found with Roy, this light was cold and unforgiving. A hand grasped her ankle and begun to pull her out. Riza squeaked and kicked on instinct, eliciting a grunt from the person trying to pull her out.

“No!” she gasped as arms dipped in and grasped hers.

“What is the meaning of this?” her father ordered, barrelling down the stairs she had previously hidden under. He froze when his eyes fell on his daughter. Through her tears she saw his cold stare. The same look he gave her every time he saw her.

“Dad?” she whispered fearfully. Surely he would help her. He _must_.

“Berthold Hawkeye, is this your daughter?” No answer. Riza felt her hysteria building in her chest. “We received reports from a neighbour that there was a girl of her description seen in the house two days ago. However according to our reports you have no children living with you apart from an apprentice.”

Her father’s eyes bored into Riza’s as she begged him, _pleaded_ with him to stop this. For the first time since her mother died she wanted to run into her father’s arms. The feeling was overwhelming she took a step forward, only to be drawn back sharply. Pain flared in her elbow and Riza whimpered.

“This is not my daughter. I have no children.” Riza felt her heart stop. “She’s my apprentice.”

“Why was she hidden in this cupboard? And why did she call you father?”

Riza realised her slip up, eyes widening. She noticed Roy’s head poke out around the corner from the top of the stairs. His expression mirrored her, she was sure. Eyes wide and full of fear. His lips parted as if he wanted to speak, but nothing came out. He was as scared as she was.

“You. Boy!” the man gripping Riza called up the stairs. Two officers ran up the stairs to catch Roy and Riza felt her heart leap into her throat. They couldn’t hurt him too. Her father just let them pass.

“No! Stop it!” Roy struggled as he was dragged into view on the landing at the top of the stairs. Riza gasped. They couldn’t hurt him! He had done nothing wrong!

“Now, we only have on record that you are teaching one apprentice. Who is this girl and why did she call you father?”

“It’s a game she likes to play. She’s an orphan I took in the other day,” her father explained. Riza was too far gone to notice the desperation in his tone. “I haven’t had the chance to report in on my new circumstances. I use the cupboard as an exercise for my apprentice’s to try and produce fire in darkness.”

“How convenient,” the officer muttered. He turned his attention to Riza. “Do it.” The hand shook her roughly, leaving Riza reeling. “Perform alchemy.”

Panic rose in her throat, sealing it as loud sobs wracked her body.

She couldn’t.

Without waiting any longer they dragged Riza out of her home crying, away from her father, away from Roy, towards what she was sure was certain death.

“Leave her alone!” Roy yelled.

Riza wasn’t stupid. Roy had told her about what happened to those who didn’t know how to perform alchemy. She was due for either the slums or the eastern slave mines. Riza had never felt more terrified in her life.

“Riza!” Roy had yelled, sprinting down the stairs. Riza jerked in her captor’s hands, craning her head to get one last look at the boy who had brought so much happiness into her dull life in such a short time. Riza knew it had been too good to be true. “Stop it! You can’t take her!”

The door to the townhouse slammed shut with the officers still inside. Riza continued to sob as they dragged her into a carriage. She was thrown in unceremoniously, the stony faces of the officers offering her no comfort. The sound of her own sorrow drowned out Roy’s shouting inside the house. Thinking she was all alone in this – her father had abandoned her, Roy had let them take her – only made her cry harder.

* * *

Riza shot up in her bed with a gasp.

It had happened again.

Slowing her breathing and calming her heart rate, she took stock of her surroundings. She was in her bedroom at the Assassin’s Keep. The single window in the room allowed moonlight to pour in. The curtains were open, naturally. The sheets on the bed hung half off her body, having kicked them off in her sleep.

That dream had followed her for years. In the first month of her time in the mines it had been all she thought about. The overwhelming grief she felt in regards to her current situation, the way Roy had been calling for her, the way her father hadn’t said a word. She very quickly got over it after the officers beat her for crying during the night. The scars on her back tingled at the memory.

Well, “got over it” wasn’t the right term, Riza thought to herself. It was more like she forced everything down so deep inside her that the tears would no longer come. Riza had become an expert at that after her mother died so she did it in the mines. She did it to survive.

Shoving it roughly back down inside her for what felt like the millionth time, Riza stood from her bed forcefully and dressed herself. It was the middle of the night but judging by the position of the moon it was nearing dawn. Regardless, there was always someone who was up in the Keep at this time.

“Yo,” Havoc greeted her. He was lounging on a chair in the dining hall, both feet propped up on the table, boots and all. Judging by the dark circles under his eyes Riza knew he hadn’t been sleeping. The pair of them had never done well sleeping in darkness. It reminded them too much of the mines. Luckily assassins operated better at night, so they often slept during the day to accommodate.

“Same dream?” he asked simply, eyebrow raising.

Riza nodded, pulling up a chair next to him. She propped her own feet on the table. Her hands found themselves in her trouser pockets and Riza tilted her head backwards to look up at the ceiling. An arm moved across the back of her chair, a hand squeezing her shoulder in comfort and offered no more words.

Jean Havoc, the only reason Riza had made it through her sentence in the mines. They had shared something no one else had. It wasn’t pleasant in the slightest but they had both survived because of each other. He had been the one who treated her wounds after her first beating then Riza had returned the favour after he had been missing for four days only to return, beaten unconscious.

The officers didn’t really care where the slaves slept, they just tossed you in a room with others and they never let you sleep for longer than four or five hours at a time. It was difficult to keep track in the pitch black, cramped, overcrowded, and foul smelling caves, but judging by their fatigue Riza and Havoc both knew it wasn’t long.

Riza’s head fell to the side and found Havoc’s shoulder, as it had done for years. She wasn’t sure how Grumman found her in those mines, but he had come to rescue her and she owed him an eternal debt for that. The only reason Havoc got out was because she refused to leave without him, and how do you refuse your half dead grandchild anything after she had survived a year as a slave? So for a short time, Havoc was her “brother”. After everything they had gone through together that bond remained strong and true even if they weren’t biologically related.

Riza never looked back across the eastern countryside as they rode away in a horse and cart, but she swore on her life that she would return and free all those slaves. So many people had helped her in there and so many people still suffered. Even as they were leaving she saw new slaves arriving. Grumman had to physically restrain her. Havoc simply watched with a cold understanding. He was thinking the same thing she was.

They needed to stop this.

Grumman had brought them to the Keep in the nicer part of Central. The assassins lived there but training took place in the slums where they could move freely. The only reason they got away with living in  Central was because of the alchemist assassins who were part of the resistance. Two young brothers, Edward and Alphonse Elric, owned the house and, through alchemy, had restructured the basement into an underground network of tunnels leading all over Central. Alex Armstrong – a prominent figure in Bradley’s society – was also sympathetic to their cause. He had been separated from his family at birth, taken into the capital and raised there. His sister had found Grumman and was now his second in command. Olivier Armstrong was ruthless and extremely good at her job. She was truly terrifying. She had been spared of the mines due to the status her family had held before Bradley came into power.

So, in that uncomfortable chair with her feet propped up on the dining table, basking in Havoc’s silent show of support, Riza found a small moment of peace.

Havoc always had that effect on her. He was a cool salve that was applied to a burn, a soothing piece of music to lull someone off to sleep. In all honesty she felt at her most comfortable with him by her side. She trusted him implicitly. It was bound to happen, given their circumstances. They were the two who were known as “the survivors”. Nobody else in the Keep had been subjected to the mines, therefore they had nobody to relate to upon first arriving there. Oh, everyone here had had a rough upbringing, no doubt about it, but the slums were a stay in a hotel compared to the eastern mines.

When Grumman began their training he was surprised at their diligence. It was like something had awoken inside Riza. She had always had the fight to survive. You didn’t survive a year in that death trap weak willed and ready to die. She just never had the tools to hone that feeling and weaponise it.

Oh, and weaponise it they had. Both she and Havoc surpassed even the likes of Olivier.

“Something drives those two kids,” Riza had heard Grumman muse to Armstrong. “Something we will never understand.”

“How long were they in there?” she asked quietly. Riza pretended not to hear them but the punches on the bag in front of her became heavier as she grit her teeth, trying to block it out. It didn’t work.

“Riza was there for about a year,” Grumman replied, his tone stricken. “Havoc… I’m not sure, he never said, but I think it was around the same time.”

Riza felt a pain in her arm as the bag rocked due to the force of her hit.

“We need to stop this.”

With a final grunt, Riza roundhouse kicked the bag, sending it swinging. Panting, she straightened and left the training room without another word. She caught Havoc watching her leave the room from the corner of her eye, but she didn’t look back.

That was one thing she didn’t need.

Their pity.


	4. so come alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year! i hope 2019 is good to y'all  
> hope you enjoy this one!

**_so come alive_ **

“Hawkeye,” Havoc murmured. Her ears pricked up at the sudden noise, edging away from her edge of the roof. Silent as a cat she ran across to her partner, lowering to a crouch beside him. Her eyes set on the two men walking down the street beneath them. Mustang and his associate moved with a sense of urgency which made both assassins wonder where they were going at this hour.

Speaking of Mustang, Armstrong and Grumman had been discussing the pros and cons of ordering a hit on the alchemist that morning when Riza entered her grandfather’s office.

“I don’t see why not,” Olivier shrugged. One hand strayed towards her sword, a wicked looking blade that hung proudly on her hips. “He’s just another alchemist after all. If we destroy Bradley’s poster boy then he will have to react.”

Riza felt her throat close at the prospect. Grumman was watching her reaction carefully, his calculating eyes taking in every change in her features. As Olivier talked he said nothing, his eyes only on his granddaughter. That was when she realised she had been summoned on purpose. He wanted to gauge her real reaction to this news. Apparently she had just given the game away.

“What are your thoughts on this, Hawkeye?” Grumman asked, eyes never leaving her face.

She could play it off nonchalantly but her grandfather had already seen everything displayed on her face. It would be futile. The feeling that had haunted her since she set eyes on Mustang again coiled in her gut once more, tightening painfully. It almost left her breathless.

As Olivier turned to face her Riza realised she had no real choice here. Whatever Grumman decided that would be the order. When it came to the resistance, the fight came first for him, even before his granddaughter, and for most people here their situation was the same. They had been driven out of their homes, torn away from their families – some or all of whom had probably been killed – and had nothing left to lose. Her only option was to put forth her cause and appeal to that side of him, the side that wanted to take down Bradley once and for all.

“What about a ransom?” she ventured carefully. She had to play this just right. Grumman’s eyebrow arched in curiosity, obviously not the answer he was expecting. “It’s one way to get their attention.”

“And what use would we have for an alchemist as a hostage?” Olivier enquired.

“I spoke with him once, years ago.” _That_ got Grumman’s attention. He straightened in his chair. To be perfectly honest, any time Riza brought up her past her grandfather was immediately interested.  “He spoke about how he thought how unfair the world was and wished to change it.”

“Yes, he’s really changing it by being Bradley’s lap dog,” Olivier snorted derisively.

Riza tried to hold back her frown. These people didn’t know Roy. Apparently now, neither did she really, but he had spoken with such conviction… Perhaps it was a fool’s errand, but she wished she could speak to him just once to see if that boy was still inside him.

“We can question him. See where his true loyalties lie.” Riza took a deep breath. “If this is a façade, then surely it would be worth our time to check. Having another alchemist, especially the Flame Alchemist, on our side would be beneficial. If not, what’s another dead alchemist to us?”

Grumman leaned back in his chair, his hands forming a steeple in front of him as his elbows found their place on the armrest. “Interesting,” he murmured. His gaze drifted towards the candles lining the room, focussing on the flames and how they moved when a draft wafted by them. “I’ll think over this proposal, Hawkeye. You are dismissed.”

With a nod she left the room. Once in the sanctuary of her room, she let out a shaky breath. Had she just saved his life? Or had she just endangered it? This was an awful line she was treading. She couldn’t pick favourites. Not in this fight. Her loyalties were with her grandfather, first and foremost. After everything the man had done for her it would be extremely difficult for that to change. But… Roy had helped her too as a child. Didn’t he deserve that same courtesy now?

She tried to hide her reaction when Grumman ordered the hit on Roy Mustang, despite her plight, but she knew for a fact her face drained of colour.

“Will that be an issue, Hawkeye?” he asked, eyes scrutinising her.

“Not at all,” she replied, but the words felt like lead in her mouth.

_No…_

“Armstrong, can you oversee the preparations for tonight? We have the Elric brothers returning from the east. I would like you to debrief them as soon as they arrive, which should be before nightfall.”

Olivier left with a crisp salute, turning on her heel and leaving the two of them alone.

“Riza?” Grumman asked, standing from his chair and approaching her, switching from the leader of the assassins to her grandfather now they were alone. “Are you all right?”

 _No_. “Yes.”

“I can pass this hit on to –”

“No. I’ll do it.”

“You knew him once, didn’t you?”

Grumman already knew this, so why was he asking? Then she noticed how sympathetic his expression was, how his eyes were filled with remorse. _This_ was her grandfather. Not the man who headed the resistance. He had every right to hate Bradley and the alchemists. Her mother was a skilled alchemist as well as her father, so she had been taken away from him when she was only a toddler to live in one of the academies in Central. After all, Bradley needed some way to grow his overpowered army of alchemists. What better way to do that than to provide schools and housing for those who were too young to know better? Too young to see the propaganda he was feeding them.

Her father had been a powerful flame alchemist so they had lived in Central. Their house had been vast and luxurious, the perks of both her parents sharing such power. However, when her mother passed, Riza often thought her father passed on with her. That’s why she had been hidden away, she realised now, years later. Now that her father was alone, he did it to protect her because he didn’t want to lose her too. It was a miracle Riza had lived in Central for fifteen years without discovery. While her childhood was not conventional, Berthold had saved her from the poverty of the slums and the slavery offered by the mines. It was her own carelessness that had sent her there.

“I did.” Riza offered no further explanation and Grumman asked for none. She knew what he wanted to ask but her childhood was buried inside her for a reason. No one was getting to see that.

So, that’s why she was crouched on a rooftop at midnight in the capital, tailing her only childhood friend. Bile rose in her throat at the thought of ending his life.

He didn’t deserve that, Riza knew that much, even before she had properly spoken to him about who he fought for. Did he fight for people like her, like he had vowed all those years ago, or was he really just Bradley’s lapdog?

The two men below Riza and Havoc stopped, one pulling the other into a dark alleyway. The two assassins edged over to that edge of the rooftop, ears straining to hear their conversation.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m close, Hughes,” Roy urged. “I can’t risk it all now.”

“You’re close? Or are you just too comfortable?”

Silence ensued and judging by the tension in Roy’s shoulders, Riza could picture a glare on his face. The other man, Hughes, simply stared him down in response. “Do _not_ go there. I’ve lost just as much to that bastard as you have,” Roy spat.

“Forgive me, but not everyone is able to go home to a comfortable, luxurious, _safe_ house tonight. This fight will continue for me after I leave you.”

“You don’t think it will for me? I could be murdered any second by those working in the resistance,” he exploded as loudly as he dared. Havoc and Riza shared a look. “I could be murdered in my sleep tonight by _your_ people. Not only that, I have Bradley breathing down my neck every minute of the day.” Roy was breathing hard and Hughes looked taken aback. “I know our struggles are different but yours don’t negate mine. We are all living in this shit hole, fighting to get by. Some are just doing it more so than others.”

“Ah, Mustang,” a new voice greeted. Riza’s eyes flickered to the entrance of the alley. A man in a crisp white suit stood, face in shadow, staring down at the two men.

“Kimblee,” Mustang greeted coldly. There was an edge to his voice, speaking of animosity between the two.

“And what do we have here?” Kimblee ventured, sauntering into the alley. His face entered into the lamplight and Riza and Havoc both stiffened. They knew this man. He had been in the mines. Oh, not as a slave. Far from it. Havoc twitched by her side. She knew what he was thinking. Kimblee had been a part of their suffering. If anyone deserved a hit, it was him, not Mustang. “This man is not an alchemist.” His drawl sent a shiver up her spine.

Mustang didn’t reply, only opting to stare him down.

“You know the rules, Mustang,” Kimblee sighed, raising his hands. He spoke as if nothing could be done to prevent this. Mustang shifted his stance defensively, hand raised in front of him. A slow grin spread across Kimblee’s face. “Say goodbye to your _friend_.”

Before Kimblee got the chance to bring his hands together – hands, Riza noticed, that had transmutation circles tattooed onto each palm – Riza dropped on him from above, her foot striking his back. He grunted as he fell, body hitting the ground with a _thud_. It was extremely satisfying. Riza rolled and darted back into the darkness the alley provided. She noticed how confused Mustang and Hughes looked, both surprised at the sudden interruption.

Riza hadn’t ever heard of this Hughes fellow, but he appeared to be sincere in his words to Roy. If he was fighting another resistance from within Central then that was more important than Roy’s death right now. From the way they were speaking, it sounded as if Hughes was recruiting Mustang, and it appeared as if they were friends as well. Hope had blossomed in her chest as they had conversed. She might not have to kill him after all.

Ransom it was then.

“What the _hell_ was that?” Kimblee growled, jumping to his feet. As soon as he was up Havoc followed suit, hitting him again as he dropped. Although this time his foot connected with Kimblee’s shoulder. He twisted and cried out in surprise, body turning to face the entrance to the alley. Riza watched from her perch as Havoc grabbed Hughes’ arm and pulled him along, away from the two alchemists. Hughes only grunted in protest.

At first, Havoc said nothing. Only when they were a safe enough distance away, after rounding the corner into an adjacent alley, did he speak. Riza followed closely behind, hopping down from her perch.

“Please, be quiet,” Havoc urged quietly. “We’re on your side.”

Riza ascended the wall at the end first, swinging herself up to land atop it. She held out her gloved hand, grasping Hughes’ arm tightly and hauled him up and over the wall. Judging by how nimble this newcomer was, Riza could tell he had some training himself. Havoc and Hughes dropped down to the other side of the wall. They weren’t out of the woods just yet, but at least they could speak to each other without the risk of being overheard.

“You are assassins,” Hughes stated, finally taking in the pair of them. He blinked once, gaze shifting from Havoc up to Riza atop the wall.

“Yes, we are, and we’re here to help,” Havoc offered.

“Are you resistance members?” Hughes asked urgently.

Havoc nodded. “We can’t discuss this here. Do you have a safe house nearby?”

Hughes nodded. “I’ll take you there.”

Both turned to look up at Riza. However, the three of them were rocked by the sound of an explosion. Looking back where they had come from, she only saw a cloud of black smoke. Her throat constricted.

“Roy…” she whispered, unaware of even uttering his name. Without another word she dove back down the alley. There was no sound of protest from Havoc. They were taught better than that.

Keeping low to the ground she scouted the area. There was no sign of Kimblee, thank god, but that didn’t mean he was skulking nearby. She almost tripped over a body before she saw it through the smoke. Roy groaned beneath her in response to her foot hitting his spine.

“Get up,” she ordered quietly. Her voice was muffled by the fabric. Again, the only thing on show was her eyes and a tuft of blonde hair from her fringe that had sprung loose with all the action tonight.

Roy rolled onto his back, his eyes finding hers. There was blood on his face, a cut on his forehead bleeding steadily. His eyes widened as they met hers, but that may have been a trick of the light. Smoke shrouded them and Riza fought the urge to cough. The feeling swelled in her chest, threatening to burst forth if she did not consciously relieve herself of it.

“Get _up_ ,” she repeated, her cough eventually coming out while her hands grabbing under his arms Riza hauled him to his feet. Roy leaned heavily on her, stumbling to the side. The shock wave of the blast must have knocked him down. She had seen the dilation of his pupils as he met her eyes. He probably had a concussion.

Just as they reached the entrance to where they would make their escape another explosion ripped through the small space. She heard rock crumbling and the ground shook beneath her feet. Riza shoved Roy against the wall and dove out of the way but there wasn’t enough space. Debris struck her leg and heat seared her flesh. She clenched her jaw, teeth snapping together to stop herself from revealing her position.

“Come out, Mustang,” Kimblee growled. “I want to know who your _friend_ was and why these assassins are so interested in you.”

Riza heard a snap and flames erupted from nowhere across from her. She stared at Roy as the smoke cleared. Although he was covered in blood and slouched haphazardly against the wall, he looked cold and determined. That shot wasn’t simply aimed to disarm or push Kimblee back. It was aimed to kill.


	5. stay in the cage or you'll finally take the key

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case anyone has noticed riza switches backwards and forwards from calling roy “roy” and “mustang”. this is intentional.  
> its is written in riza’s pov so i feel like in this universe she would call him mustang when she meant business, and wanted to keep a distance from him, and would call him roy under a more personal setting. hopefully this isn’t confusing (not that i think it matters much at all?) but if it is let me know!

 

**_stay in the cage or you'll finally take the key_ **

Riza snapped out of her trance as she heard Kimblee’s yell of pain. Staggering on her feet and placing a hand on the wall to steady herself, she made her way, limping, across the field of rocks that now littered the space she had been standing just moments ago. She grasped Mustang’s arm once more, then placed a knife to his throat.

“You come after us and I _will_ kill him,” Riza barked into the smoke. She felt Mustang’s stiffen beneath her hands.

“Are you honestly trying to kidnap him?” Kimblee scoffed but there was a strain to his voice. “That doesn’t sound like an assassin’s style.”

Riza peered through the smoke, willing her eyes to see _anything_ , but she couldn’t. The positive side was she could hide their escape.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you, _alchemist_ ,” she spat. As the smoke cleared she spied Kimblee’s white suit. The knife pressed harder to Mustang’s throat, drawing blood. Riza shifted as well, in case she needed a quick escape. Her leg burned.

“Tell me, assassin. What exactly is it you plan to do with an alchemist as a hostage? Do you honestly think one of us will give up our secrets when you question us? We would die before that happened.”

“I don’t care. What is another dead alchemist to me?”

Kimblee chuckled. “So naive.”

 _Clap_.

Spinning backwards, Roy yelped at the sudden movement, probably more concerned for the knife at his throat than anything else. The explosion tore through where they had just been standing. Now, with the extra cover of smoke, Riza had no qualms about their ability to escape.

“Head down there and hop that wall,” she ordered, turning Mustang to face her. Once he was free from her grip a hand automatically flew to his throat. “I will join you shortly.” Sheathing her blade she crept back towards Kimblee. Footsteps sounded as Roy moved away from the action.

“Bradley will come down on all of you assassins so fast you won’t even get a chance to blink!”

“He already has,” Riza reassured Kimblee. “Why do you think we’re fighting?” A flashbang was pulled from her belt and she armed it, waiting for the moment to use it. “I will kill every last alchemist if it means getting to him.”

“Oh, that is _fine_ by me!” Kimblee yelled. “You are more than welcome to try and kill me!” His tone was slightly crazed, as if he would enjoy the challenge.

Not wanting to dwell here any longer, Riza tossed the flashbang then turned and ran. Kimblee screamed at the sudden blinding light.

A quiet hiss escaped Riza as she landed heavily on her injured leg beside Mustang. He spun to face her, eyes wide once again. Then, with his hand raised to snap, his body whipped around as Havoc silently approached them through the gloom. The wind had carried some of the smoke over to this side of the wall, giving them extra cover to make their escape. After that flashbang Kimblee would be out of commission for a while.

“You okay?” Havoc asked Riza. His gaze flicked down to her leg, followed by Mustang’s. Her leg was on fire as it burned from the heat of the explosion. The fabric of her clothing stuck to it as it bled, the wetness of the blood doing nothing to ease the burning on her skin.

“Fine,” she replied gruffly.

“I got Hughes to his safe house. It isn’t far.”

“He might have a concussion,” Riza added, gesturing across the alleyway. “Help him.”

Mustang started to protest but Havoc caught him as he swayed, almost falling over. “We need to go,” her partner ordered, eyes boring into his, but for some reason, her old friend had yet to take his eyes off her. She noticed with dismay that she had in fact drawn blood. Quite a substantial amount actually.

“And why should I go with you?” Mustang asked and quite rightfully so. She _had_ held a knife to his throat after all. “You tried to kill me.”

“Performance purposes. Do you want to die?” Havoc asked. When Mustang shook his in the negative, Havoc nodded. “Let’s go then.”

They moved swiftly and silently through the streets. Sure enough, three blocks later they arrived at Hughes’ safe house. Except said safe house was actually a bar. Christmas’ Bar, apparently.

“Really?” Riza asked doubtfully. She winced in pain as another wave of pain washed through her leg and up her body. The bar looked far too busy for it to a feasible place for them to regroup.

“Wait here,” Mustang ordered, ignoring her comment and walking around to the back of the building. He disappeared and Riza tensed, _very_ aware that they were in a very open area. This could be a trap. However her fears were eased a moment later when his head popped back around the corner and he waved them forward.

Riza took one step and hissed in pain, the cool air of the night nipping into her burned skin. In the next instant Havoc lifted her arm over his shoulder. He supported her weight as they walked. Anyone else she would have shrugged off but for some reason she always let Havoc help her. He had been doing it for years, and vice versa. There was no reason to stop now.

Riza limped into the building, relishing in the warmth it provided. It made her leg sting once more but the rest of her body was thankful for it.

“Here,” Mustang urged, pulling up a chair next to the fire. Havoc eased her into it and Riza hissed as her leg throbbed. His arms left her but Havoc never strayed far. He remained by her side as Hughes busied himself with an armful of bottles and some gauze. His constant presence was comforting like it always had been.

“Thank you for taking us in,” Havoc began, eyes glancing around the room. “You mentioned you were part of the resistance?”

“Yes,” Hughes answered as he crouched in front of Riza, eyeing her leg. “Maes Hughes, nice to properly meet you.” He offered them both a grin. “This here is the Flame Alchemist, Roy Mustang. Although I am sure you both already know that.”

“Yes,” Riza answered, purposefully not meeting Mustang’s eyes. “We know.”

“Don’t let his reputation fool you,” Hughes continued cheerily. “He isn’t a complete bastard.”

“Hughes,” Mustang warned irritably. He had taken up a chair to their left and was massaging his temples.

“Well, not in the way appearances make it seem. He’s on our side, don’t worry. Always has been.” Riza hissed as Hughes gently peeled away the fabric of her clothing. Havoc’s grip on the knife by his waist tightened. It wasn’t a threatening action, just a habit of his, but these two didn’t know that. “Sorry, this will hurt.”

“Do it.”

Hughes shot her a concerned look but continued. Riza bit her lip to stop her from crying out. A whimper finally left her and Havoc shifted. Pain ripped through her leg at the slightest movement of her trouser leg.

“Sorry –” Hughes began to apologise once more but Riza stopped him.

“ _Just_ _do it_ ,” she panted. Her knuckles turned white as she gripped the edge of the armrests, her nails digging into the wood. If she pushed any further she was sure her nails would split with the pressure.

In one easy movement Hughes pulled the fabric of her trousers away from the affected area. Riza squeezed her eyes shut but couldn’t help but cry out this time. It was a low cry which slowly built to a barely contained groan as it felt like Hughes just tore the trouser leg away like a band aid, rather than easing it off her as gently as he could. Stars dance in her vision and she found a pressure on her shoulder – Havoc’s hand.

She had to give his due, Hughes’ work was quick and efficient. Within ten minutes he had a cool compress pressed to her leg which he had wrapped up in the gauze.

“Take these.” Havoc took the offered cloth and gauze. “Change that when you reach… wherever it is you are going.”

“Thank you,” Riza breathed, her heart rate finally calming.

“Don’t mention it. Just make sure you get that looked at.”

“We will,” Havoc answered for them. “We need to go. I hope you can both understand.”

“Of course,” Hughes answered. He helped Riza out of her chair and she tested her weight on her leg. It still burned but it was slightly easier to walk after resting is momentarily. There would be a very nasty scar on her leg at the end of all this, but what was another one? She already had an extensive collection.

“Wait,” Roy uttered for the first time they had entered the back room of the bar. Noise came from the other side of the door at the far end of the room, but nobody entered. If they were resistance sympathisers then the owner was no doubt used to people coming and going in the back room of their establishment. “Who are you? Why were you tailing me tonight?”

Havoc and Riza shared a look. Her partner shrugged, indicating it was up to her if she wanted to let him on what they had been planning that night. Also, her assassins gear had become so second nature to her that she often forgot that all anybody else could see were her eyes.

Everything piece of clothing was black. It was well armoured, but lightweight and offered excellent range of movement. Pockets were hidden in the clothes, but there were more than enough to house things from her key to her bedroom at the Keep to blades and throwing knives. Her belt held pouches where she kept her flashbangs and smoke grenades, as well as another whole host of blades. On her person right now she had ten blades with only one on show.

“We were sent out tonight to kill you,” Riza stated, forcing her voice not to shake. Both men across from her, understandably, stiffened then shifted into a defensive stance. “Don’t worry, we decided against it. Obviously.”

“Why?” Roy demanded. “What did I ever do to the assassins?”

“You are a State Alchemist,” Riza stated. A part of her own anger was infused in there as well. She felt slightly betrayed by him, after all his talk of wanting to help those who were suffering in this world. He hadn’t done a single thing about it. Roy had simply taken what he wanted from her father then left. “Surely you can understand why we are not so fond of people like you.”

“People like me?” he asked, his tone becoming angry. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“People in positions of power who do nothing to help those who are suffering in this world. You could do so much, yet you get cosy with Bradley and ignore these issues. Hundreds of people _die_ every day simply because they cannot perform alchemy yet you sit here in Central and let that slaughter happen.” Riza could feel her skin prickling with anger. “I’ve seen it happen with my own eyes.” Her mind flashed with memories of her time in the mine and she felt her hands beginning to shake. Clenching them into fists, she kept them steady by her side.

Before they could continue this discussion further there was a knock on the door that lead to the rest of the bar. All four sets of eyes snapped towards it.

“Our time is up, it seems,” Hughes remarked.

“It’s time were leaving anyway,” Riza stated. She met each of their gazes in turn, unafraid to meet Roy’s even after their heated discussion. “We weren’t aware another faction was working here in Central but I will inform the other assassins.”

“Of course, we are definitely interested in holding a meeting,” Hughes stated eagerly, although his voice was subdued. Moving over towards the exit, he held the door open for Havoc and Riza. She met Roy’s gaze once more, seeing remorse in there. Hopefully that meant the ideals he had held as a child still remained within him, but that was a conversation for another day.

After a brief pause Riza retrieved a package from her belt. She tossed it to him but Roy’s eyes never left hers – she tried to block out the sorrow and regret in them – as he caught the package, fumbling it slightly. It was an invitation to the Keep, something Grumman wanted them to pass on should they cross another sympathetic to their cause. Her grandfather had passed it on “just in case”, allowing her the small freedom to choose whether or not to kill Roy. Riza only hoped she had made the right choice.

“Lay low. You’re supposed to be our hostage. Come to the Assassin’s Keep in a couple of hours. Grumman will meet you there. Show what is in that package to the guards out front and they will let you in.” She nodded to Havoc who tightened his grip, taking her weight once more as they moved towards the door.

“Thank you for everything. Goodbye,” Havoc bid them both. Riza ignored the look on Roy’s face.

“Don’t mention it. Take care.”

The two assassins disappeared into the darkness.


	6. i make no apologies, this is me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a reunion! i loved writing this tbh and it has been in my head since i started writing this fic  
> i hope you enjoy it!

**_i make no apologies, this is me_ **

It turned out Solf. J. Kimblee was a harder target to find than most. His schedule was erratic. One day he could be stalking Central, flaunting his status as one of Bradley’s alchemists, the next he would be in the north or the east to oversee the slave camps. He also appeared to travel with an entourage everywhere. Whether that was simply just his style or it was due to the assassin’s recent efforts, Riza wasn’t sure. She wouldn’t put it past the man simply enjoying travelling in style, especially while she was looking at his very expensive looking white suit. He stuck out like a sore thumb. Idiot.

Riza remembered him clearly. He had been in the mines, although not as a slave. He had overseen the workers and took great pride in seeing them all suffer. While they slept explosions rocked the caves, followed by screams, and Riza didn’t think it was from dynamite. Kimblee had only been young then, no doubt just turned a man. Riza always likened him to a snake and watching the way she moved through the streets right now, she wasn’t far off.

Her leg throbbed painfully at the reminder of their last encounter. That had been a week ago and while the burn was superficial it still left behind a scar. Grumman had retrieved a balm for it to help the skin heal. Hopefully over time it would disappear, but what was another scar to her at this point?

She would trail Kimblee until night fall. He usually frequented a bar in the evening and stayed there until the wee hours of the morning. While he stumbled out, alone and drunk, Riza would make her move.

His choice of bar tonight was Christmas’ Bar in the centre. Riza hadn’t been made aware of the owner or their true business, but the assassins knew they were resistance sympathisers at least. Her stomach clenched at the thought Kimblee was here to take care of business, but there was no activity other than drunken revellers leaving for the evening. Perhaps he was just there to enjoy himself. So, Riza pitched up in a rooftop opposite and watched the door like a hawk until he left.

Although she wasn’t a massive fan of complete darkness, she had made it her ally in her years of training. An assassin’s best friend was the inky blackness the night offered. Light pollution in the centre of the capital was higher than the outskirts, but she could still make herself invisible when necessary. She was nothing more than a shadow on the rooftops.

Kimblee stumbled out the door hours later, alone, face almost smashing into the wall opposite him. He laughed and Riza thought how it wouldn’t be a bad thing if he knocked himself out. It certainly made her job easier.

Silent as a shadow she leapt to the next building. Central’s buildings were so compact – Bradley’s design – that he really made it too easy for Riza and her fellow assassins to move through the city.

His entourage was nowhere to be seen, which concerned her. With her guard up she slowed her movements to cautious, eyes darting around the streets as her target stumbled through the night. A part of her wanted to follow him to see where he was headed, but that could risk the chance of his escape.

“Hey!” a familiar voice whispered urgently from behind her. Riza froze. Looking behind, her eyes widened as she saw Roy Mustang running along the rooftops behind her. Riza cursed. What the _hell_ was he doing here?! “Wait!”

Kimblee staggered around a corner and out of her sight. Riza growled. While Grumman had ordered the hit he was also extremely curious about these other resistance members that had made themselves known to Riza and Havoc. After Riza’s performance in the alley in front of Kimblee it had been agreed that Mustang would remain at the Keep with them under the pretence that he had been kidnapped. A letter had been sent to Bradley about a ransom and they were waiting a response.

Grumman had dispatched her tonight to tail Kimblee and take him out, should the opportunity present itself. Riza had been ordered to tail him for a couple of hours to determine where he visited on his own time. Killing him was not a priority tonight, but preferable.

Now, this bar was connected to Mustang and Hughes in some way, but why was Kimblee here? She was aiming to find out but she couldn’t track him with Mustang screaming like a banshee behind her if Riza decided to abruptly leave.

“Please, wait!” Roy called as loudly as he dared from behind her. His footsteps slowed as he got closer. “Riza?” She stiffened. How could he even know it was her? They hadn’t crossed paths in the Keep. She hadn’t seen him since she saved his life. Had she ensured they hadn’t crossed each other’s paths? Perhaps.

He was _supposed_ to be laying low. They were holding him “hostage”. Bradley’s officers were everywhere and Mustang couldn’t be seen wandering around Central.

But the way he said her name… She clenched her teeth together, wanting to run in the opposite direction. “Is that you?” Wonder laced his tone. She was almost loath to tell him that the Riza he knew was dead and gone. She died a long time ago in those mines.

Perhaps if she faced him now, he would discover the monster she had become and would leave her alone. It appeared as though wherever she went nowadays, he would always show up. While some small part of her – a very small part, so small that she barely even acknowledged it – was pleased about that fact, she squashed any hope down within her.

Riza turned to face him fully. Against her better judgement she removed her cowl, feeling the cool night air caress her warm skin that had been hidden under the material. Her stomach flipped as his eyes widened, a ghost of a smile on his face.

He took a step forward and Riza took one step back. She wasn’t the person he thought she was. That girl was gone and in her place was a cold, killing machine. How would he respond to that? Mustang knew she had been sent to kill him, it was a wonder he had sought her out again in the first place. He must be stupid.

“Oh my god,” he whispered reverently as he took in her features. “It _is_ you.”

“How did you find me?” she demanded with a frown. Genuinely, she was curious. Had she slipped up? Had she been too obvious? Riza took great pride in her ability to disappear and wanted to know how this had happened.

“I… I followed you. It was hard, I had to sneak past the guards at the front of the Keep, but I am glad I did. I thought it was too good to be true, the other night, that it was you who…” He trailed off and Riza knew exactly where that part of the conversation was headed. “ _It was you who was ordered to kill me._ ” “How…” he trailed off again, gaze moving to the street below. “Were you following Kimblee?” he asked, revelation setting into his face.

“Yes.”

“You were going to kill him.”

“Yes.”

“Please don’t,” he begged.

That confused her. “What?”

“Don’t. Please, stop killing. Hughes told me Bradley is on the warpath for the people how are murdering his alchemists. He _will_ find you.”

“You seem to forget exactly what it is I _do_ , Mustang,” she replied. “Too many people have suffered under Bradley’s rule for me to allow it to continue. This fight will continue long after I am gone and if I have to die for this cause then I will.” His face paled, face stricken. Clearly he didn’t like that fact. Well, if he didn’t want her to leave this earth he should have done something to stop the officers from taking her away that day ten years ago. “That’s how much this means to me.”

“You can’t die,” he choked out.

Why was he so worked up about this?

“I already _did_ ,” she exploded. “Ten years ago when I was dragged out of my home and away to the east, that girl you knew died.” At the mention of the east, Roy looked like he wanted to vomit. “This is who I am now,” Riza told him coldly. If he couldn’t understand or accept that, that was fine. It just meant there was no room for him her life. “You don’t go through what I did and end up _normal_.”

“ _You don’t end up happy._ ”

“Will you just tell me what happened, please?” he begged. His hand stretched out towards her, a silent apology and an invitation to grasp it. “I’ve thought about nothing else for the last decade.”

Riza found that hard to believe. After all, you didn’t rise that high in society without knowing how to work your audience. Roy always did have a silver tongue. He could persuade her to do anything. That was how she had gotten caught in the first place.

“Look, what are you even doing here? You are _supposed_ to be our prisoner, not gallivanting around Central,” she hissed.

“I keep seeing it,” he continued, appearing to not have even heard her. His eyes were cast down to the ground, gloved hands forming fists by his side. “I keep seeing you being dragged away and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. It’s haunted me for years.”

“Is that it? You just felt guilty because you didn’t help some kid?”

“No!” he replied, horrified. His gaze shot right back up to her face. “ _No_ , I felt guilty because I always talked about helping those who suffered. I told you about how the world worked and yet when it came to drag _you_ away – not “some kid” – I wasn’t strong enough to stop it.”

He stepped forwards once more and this time she didn’t back away. Slowly, he reached forwards and grasped her fingers loosely in his, the digits curling around them. Riza felt her breathing hitch and she was transported back to being eleven years old, being helped out of her cupboard by him when his lessons ended. He hadn’t just physically helped her out that cramped space.

“Riza.” The way he said her name made her heart flutter in her chest. “I have searched for you for ten years. And now…” A hand reached up to her face, brushing her fringe out of her eyes. She flinched and Roy paused. “I thought you were dead.” The hoarseness of his voice made her heart constrict painfully.

No, she couldn’t get into this right now. There were bigger things at stake. Everyone suffering in Amestris was counting on her to set things right. She couldn’t get distracted. And yet, all those feelings came rushing back to her, like a sucker punch to her stomach.

“Hawkeye,” Havoc greeted quietly, urgently. The sound of her partner’s arrival broke her from that trance like a bucket of cold water was thrown over her. First and foremost, she had a job to do. Roy had asked her to stop killing, but she couldn’t. Not now and not for him. If he didn’t like that about her then… Well, the thought didn’t sit well with her but there was nothing Riza could do about that, no matter how much the thought hurt. Like with everything, she pushed that feeling down within her.

_Just get the job done._

There was a reason she had kept all those thoughts and memories buried deep but with one tug, Roy Mustang had unravelled her. Just like ten years ago.

Havoc stalked up to her side silently as Riza took a step back to try and put as much distance between her and Roy. Riza tried to ignore the look on Roy’s face. Havoc’s gaze was trained on Mustang, assessing if Roy was a threat or not. Her partner was extremely protective, and vice versa. Judging by how close they had been moments ago, Havoc was no doubt worried. After all, she had no place in this world according to those in charge and becoming too close with an alchemist would end in nothing but heartache for the pair of them.

Riza had had enough of that in her life already.

Remembering just exactly what it was Riza had been tasked with tonight, she snapped out of it. The Flame Alchemist was famous in Central. A true poster boy for Bradley’s regime and “Central’s most eligible bachelor” of all things. His face was everywhere. Getting mixed up with him was a big no-no. There was no place for her in Mustang’s world. It would be better for them all if she didn’t bother.

How could Roy be so _blind_?

This wasn’t just reckless, it would be suicide for her.

“We need to go,” Havoc urged quietly, placing a hand on her arm.

He was right. They had dwelled too long here. Kimblee had gotten away and the whole night was a bust at the minute. The thunder of hooves sounded in the distance. Bradley’s men were nearby. They wouldn’t harm the Flame Alchemist, of course, but two assassins who couldn’t perform alchemy? That was standard target practice.

“You need to get back to the Keep,” Havoc told Mustang. “Why the hell are you out here anyway?”

“I –”

“We didn’t go through all this trouble just for you to get caught like this,” Havoc berated him, his voice holding a harsher tone. Riza knew what he really meant to say. “ _Riza didn’t get first degree burns on her leg for you to blow it all for us_.” “Get back there. Now.” The two assassins turned and made their way to the edge of the rooftop. They still had time to find Kimblee. “Make sure you aren’t seen. We still have work to do.”

 “Wait,” Roy uttered, but the two were already running. “Riza!” he shouted and she almost tripped.

_It was exactly like that day._

She grit her teeth and kept on running, grasping the wall with excess force and swinging herself down the drainpipe at the edge of the roof.

“I really don’t need to be chewed out right now Havoc,” Riza stated as they ran, noticing the mildly disapproving look in his face.

“I wasn’t going to say anything.”

Riza snorted derisively. She had let her guard down tonight and that was something Riza Hawkeye never did.

It scared the hell out of her.


	7. i am who i'm meant to be, this is me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoy hearing some of roy's thoughts on the whole situation ;)

**_i am who i'm meant to be, this is me_ **

“What happened to her?” Riza heard Roy ask someone softly. Her hand stilled on the handle of the door. She contemplated breezing in the room, telling him it was none of his business, but she was curious about the other person’s reply. Would they tell him? She could see he felt guilty about what had happened all those years ago. It was clear in the way he looked at her, like he had betrayed her.

When Riza first noticed it, she had been angry. Where was this support as she had been forcibly removed from her home? She hadn’t wanted to think back on that day because that sparked a chain of events in her life that were so harrowing she had blocked it from her mind so completely.

“I tried to ask but she won’t tell me,” Roy continued. “The memory of that day has plagued me for the last ten years.”

“It’s not my story to tell,” Havoc replied. Riza let out a breath of relief. She knew he wouldn’t tell Roy what had happened. Hell, he hadn’t told anyone either. It is not exactly an experience they liked to share and relive.

“Please, Havoc,” he pleaded. His voice sounded so desperate. “I just… I need to know.”

“And like I said, it’s not my story to tell.” Havoc’s reply was not harsh. “Ask her yourself.”

“I tried.”

“Well then give it up.” There was the sound of metal on metal. No doubt Havoc was cleaning his blades. Riza frowned. That was something he only did when he was stressed or bothered by something. Was he okay? “Stop pushing. Believe me when I say that she probably won’t ever want to tell you.”

Roy sighed and the room fell quiet.

Although she had felt bitter for years about her abduction, she realised she had been foolish. Roy had barely turned eighteen and had only just begun to master the basics of flame alchemy. What was he going to do against ten of Bradley’s soldiers? Ten fully grown adults? He had been a scrawny kid who still hadn’t quite grown into his arms and legs. He had been clumsy… Riza stopped herself there. She didn’t want to remind herself of the way her face had warmed whenever he smiled at her when they were teenagers. That would only complicate things further.

“Were you there? With her?” Roy asked. He sounded so defeated that it made her heart clench. Why did he sound like that?

“I was, yes.”

“You two seem very close.”

The sound of Havoc sharpening his blade stopped. “When you… go through what we did – and survive – it forms a strong bond.”

“I’m glad that she had someone at least. I only wish I’d done more.” Riza could feel the bitterness in his tone, like it had shot straight into her chest. Her heart tightened, the knot in her stomach coiling tighter.

After counting to thirty she entered the room as if she hadn’t been listening outside the door but one look at Havoc told her that he knew she had been there. She nodded to him, thanking him for not sharing her past. Havoc shrugged and returned to sharpening his blade. Roy on the other hand jumped up at the sound of the door opening, as if guilty about something. Her eyes met his and Riza saw that same regret and sorrow that had been in his voice as he spoke with Havoc.

As determined in the package Riza had given him, Mustang had arrived at the Keep a couple of hours after being given his invitation. Grumman had been in talks with him for hours throughout the week, so the two never crossed paths. Something else that worked to her advantage was – thanks to her past experiences – she slept more during the day rather than at night, so they were on opposite schedules. Was she hiding from Roy to try and stop herself from facing her past? To try and stop herself from exploring her _real_ feelings?

Riza didn’t want to answer that.

The night she tailed Kimblee was probably not the reunion he had hoped for. In truth, neither had she, but Riza truly didn’t know what he expected from her now. They couldn’t be together. Not in this world. So why push for it? Was he really so blinded by everything that he didn’t realise that it would get her killed? At least Grumman had kept her busy with assignments. She was grateful for that. It meant Riza hadn’t seen him in over a week.

Right now, Hughes was in talks with her grandfather and Armstrong. Mustang had apparently met with him briefly and had now found himself, no doubt bored, sitting with Havoc in the dining area at midnight, trying to discover more of her past. A past that she didn’t ever want to let out.

“Gentlemen,” she greeted, placing her papers on the table. Without another glance she took a seat three down from Havoc and begun to organise her work. Olivier had tasked her with marking down the locations alchemists liked to frequent. Armstrong had hoped that with the arrival of Mustang into their midst, that task would become infinitely easier.

“He has to have something to do,” Armstrong told her. “He doesn’t get to stay here without making himself useful.”

“Armstrong, he is our hostage,” Grumman reminded her.

“I don’t care if he is the fucking Queen. Make him earn his keep.”

“Hawkeye,” Havoc returned her greeting, admiring his own work. “Can’t sleep?”

Riza shrugged. “No more so than usual. These night missions have been a godsend.” They really had. Darkness, despite being her ally, was never her friend so sleep evaded her during the night hours. Terror had long left her, but that anxiety still hadn’t.

“I hear you.” Standing from his chair, Havoc stretched himself off. “Well, I’ve been awake for a grand total of twenty five hours so I’m going to pass out.” He collected his blades and squeezed her shoulder in passing. “Don’t work yourself too hard,” he added softly.

“Oh, you know me,” Riza muttered flippantly, her attention never leaving her work.

“Exactly. That’s why I said it.”

Riza could hear Mustang shit uncomfortably in his chair once the door closed behind Havoc.

“You have trouble sleeping?” he asked and Riza bit her tongue. From his tone and expression it had slipped out, a desperate attempt to fill the silence.

Riza liked silence.

“Yes,” she replied.

There was a quiet sigh and then nothing.

“What are you working on?”

Riza briefly closed her eyes, asking whatever god to give her strength. The only reason she had come here was because Havoc was present. Was that childish? Hell yes, but Riza didn’t care. Not tonight. She was too tired. “Armstrong has asked me to mark where alchemist’s tend to gather.”

“Oh?” he asked, his tone holding interest. He moved across to the same side of the table, with a chair in between them. “Can I help?”

Riza met his gaze, trying to discern anything foul in it. He was open and honest, looking at her expectantly. Just like the boy who had found her in that cupboard all those years ago. The longer Riza waited, the more he squirmed under her gaze. To give Mustang his due, he tried his best not to let it show.

“If you’d like,” she relented after another moment of scrutiny.

The pair settled into companionable work for an hour or so. Riza was already very aware of every State Alchemist in Central, but she let Mustang rattle off their names and their specialities, waiting to hear about anything she didn’t already know. He even went as far as to offer her a few names of alchemists he knew were sympathetic to the resistance’s cause.

“And are you?” Riza asked, waiting patiently for his answer. This would hinge on everything.

“You already know the answer to that.” He paused. “Would you kill me if I said no?”

“Being sympathetic and actually fighting for a cause are two different things. Besides, I have my orders.”

“You don’t have to kill people, Riza.”

“Like I said, I have my orders. For twenty years Bradley has killed people like me. Who would I be if I let that continue, especially after what he put me through?”

Guilt flashed through Roy’s eyes again. “I’m sorry I didn’t help.”

A couple of years ago Riza would have felt anger flare within her, but in truth she was tired of holding onto that grudge. She had been tired of holding onto it for so long. Anger was just a convenient emotion that fuelled her all those years, not the true answer. “You were just a kid.”

“I should have _done_ something. I tried. I tried to stop them but I wasn’t strong enough.” Riza was silent because she had no reply to that. How could she? “That’s why I continued with flame alchemy. The stronger the alchemy, the more power you have, right?” he asked, a sad smile on his face. Then it fell. “It was… hard. Your father… He didn’t take it well.”

 _Then why didn’t he_ do _something?_ Letting go of the anger was going to be harder than she thought.

“He shut down for about a month. I tried my best but…”

A sense of foreboding crept over Riza. She swallowed thickly. “Is he still alive?”

“Yes. He stays with my foster mother but his condition… It’s not good. It hasn’t been for the last ten years. I suggest visiting him soon. If you want to,” he added.

Riza nodded. Her gaze fell to the map before her, the information suddenly seeming worthless in that moment. Riza wanted to see her father again. True, he had kept her hidden away, but he had saved her years of torment and torture. That was something she would never forget.

“Thank you,” she whispered. Riza didn’t think her voice could be stronger even if she tried.

Roy shrugged. “It was the least I could do. For you.” Riza was stunned into silence once more by him. “ _Please_ Riza,” he grasped one of her hands unexpectedly. Her eyes flashed down towards it, the contact snapping her out of her momentary daze. “ _Please_ stop killing these alchemist. Bradley is working to find out who it is that are killing us and once he does there will be no mercy.”

“There already has been no mercy from his end. I’m not having this argument again,” Riza stated heatedly, snatching her hand back and returning her attention to her maps. Whatever moment they had just shared was gone. Riza didn’t want to acknowledge how that thought made her stomach twist uncomfortably. “You are either for us or against us, Mustang, so pick a side.”

“I don’t want you to die!” Riza froze, her pen suspended in the air. “I can’t bear the thought of it. Not again.”

Riza grit her teeth, wishing she couldn’t hear the desperation and fear in his voice. She wanted to latch onto it and succumb to its pull but it was too much of a risk. In another life, in another world, they could have been happy, but not in this one. Not while Bradley ruled with an iron fist and kept a lock down on all alchemists.

Yes, Roy was a famous alchemist and valuable to the state, but Bradley could hurt him in other ways if he found out his involvement with the resistance, such as killing his family and friends, especially those who lacked the talents he, and everyone else in the inner circle of Central, had.

There was too much risk to both parties.

They couldn’t, no matter what Riza’s heart screamed at her to do.

“Hawkeye!” Breda called, bursting into the room. His surprise appearance was a great relief. A cowardly part of her was glad she wouldn’t have to continue this conversation with Roy. She had crammed all those feelings down inside her years ago and she was still fearful to let them out because if she did, a whole other myriad of other emotions would leave too.

The crushing loneliness she felt while being dragged out of her home away from her loved ones, the grief she felt upon realising that no one had tried to stop the officers from taking her away, and her loss of self-worth as she worked her fingers very literally to the bone in the mines. Ever since Roy had reappeared into her life they had all stirred within her, rousing themselves from their dormant sleep, vying for attention and to be recognised. Riza had no bother keeping a lid on it before. What she was scared of was how easily Roy Mustang had been able to draw them all out. It was like her heart was calling out to him for comfort.

It was a good thing she rarely listened to her heart when it told her to welcome Roy’s touch.

“We have a situation,” Breda announced. His attention turned to Roy. “You’ll want to hear this too.”

Both were alert but where Roy cast a glance towards Riza, she only had eyes for Breda. Something was wrong.

“Tell me,” she barked, striding from the room with her maps forgotten on the table.

“Bradley isn’t happy about our stunt of taking Mustang hostage and has lashed out. It is a rather uncharacteristic move, but not unexpected in his methods.”

“And?”

Breda took a deep breath, his pace slowing in the empty corridor. Riza’s stomach tightened just from the look on her friend’s face.

“They’ve taken Chris Mustang hostage.”


	8. you know you can’t go back again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> petition to give riza hawkeye a hug

**_you know you can’t go back again to the world that you were living in_ **

Riza turned to face Roy as she heard what sounded like all the air leaving his lungs at once. A hand flew out to the wall to his right to steady himself. His eyes were wide as they searched the floor, eyes begging for Breda to be wrong. His gaze lifted to the ginger man sharply once finally managing to process the information.

“ _What_?”

Breda’s face was grim. “Grumman is working on a plan to stop this right now.” He turned to Riza. “We need your help.”

“Okay, I can help,” Riza readily agreed. “But, why me specifically?” she asked.

Breda looked uncomfortable. “Because you are… familiar with where she is currently headed.”

Riza stiffened. It felt as though all the blood had left her body, leaving it stone cold.

_No…_

A part of her instantly fought that piece of information. She couldn’t go back there. She couldn’t go back into those cold, dark mines.

A hand on her forearm pulled her from that sudden onset of panic. Breda looked sympathetic. He was one of the few who was aware of how much she still struggled with the trauma of her past. Two others, Kain Fuery and Vato Falman were also aware. Riza preferred to work in smaller squads, opting to carry out a mission with just Havoc by her side, but the other three men were her core team. When the situation demanded it they would all lay down their life for her, and she them.

While the other three men weren’t completely aware of her vacation to the mines, they knew how to talk her down if the anxiety built too much and Havoc wasn’t nearby. It was a lesson she had learned fairly early on in her career as an assassin. Naturally, she found it difficult to trust others, but after _that_ fiasco on one of her earlier missions, Havoc insisted she have others around her to help because he knew he wouldn’t be able to be by her side at all times to calm her anxiety and panic attacks. Havoc ensured Riza had more people looking out for her while she had once been too stubborn to admit defeat, something she was eternally grateful to him for. It was another thing to add to that long list she already had.

She and Havoc had been tracking an alchemist who they had been ordered to kill. It was night and with Havoc by her side Riza wasn’t bothered by the darkness. However, their target had hit the lights as he attempted to flee and the sudden blackness that had surrounded Riza in her cramped hiding spot brought her to a standstill.

Her panic rose in her throat, cutting off her airways. As she struggled to breathe and was almost buried in her panic she didn’t notice a figure descend on her. Havoc had killed her attacker while she gasped on the floor, eyes open and unable to see anything but the stone of the roof of their cave, only four feet above her head while lying on the freezing, rough, uneven floor. She had been bundled into his arms while she sobbed, Havoc’s touch calming her as he whispered that she was okay and that she was safe. He had also been trembling.

Nothing had happened since but Riza had been opened to the possibility of friendship and camaraderie from people who hadn’t been forced into her life. They had come willingly, offering themselves to her with a kindness she had been deprived of for a long time.

Riza took a deep breath, steadying her heart rate. She couldn’t lose it right now. Her grandfather needed her. Roy needed her. She needed to keep it together.

“Let’s go and see Grumman.”

Breda nodded and headed to her grandfather’s office. Riza followed, but paused when she didn’t hear another set of footsteps behind her. Turning, she saw Roy looking a slightly pale shade of green. Indicating to Breda to go ahead, Riza approached Roy.

“Roy?” she called quietly so she didn’t startle him. His gaze snapped and Riza paused, seeing the pain in his eyes.

“There’s no going back now, is there,” Roy asked grimly. Riza understood his worry. He had been comfortable in his life before and his family and friends had been safe. Now that the assassins had interfered, everything had changed. There really was no going back for Roy Mustang now. He had to choose a side and Riza only hoped it was the right one.

“I knew this would happen,” Roy whispered, voice strained. “I knew they would get to her. I _told_ her to take the girls, lay low, and get out of the city…”

“Roy,” Riza got his attention, her voice soft. “We’ll get her back. I promise.”

“She was always too stubborn for her own good… Where are they taking her?”

Riza straightened her spine. She swallowed the bad taste in her mouth, not wanting to be the one to reveal this information to him, but it was better doing it here in this empty corridor rather than in a room with her team, Armstrong, and Grumman.

She didn’t meet his gaze, opting to look to where Breda had walked off. “The eastern mines.”

Roy swore.

“We’ll get her back,” Riza reassured him, determination setting in to her bones. If Riza could help it she wouldn’t let another person be subjected to that hell hole. “I _promise_ you.” Impulsively she grasped his shoulder and squeezed it in a show of support. “I won’t let them take her there, I swear. Come on, let’s go and see what Grumman has to say.”

“Chris Mustang was reported to have been escorted from her home an hour ago. She was taken into a carriage and moved out of the inner circle. She has lived and worked there peacefully for twenty years. I have an inkling of why this sudden change has occurred.” To his credit, Grumman didn’t pointedly look at Mustang.

“Because of me,” Roy replied anyway, voice tight.

Grumman offered him a sympathetic look. “What I’m unsure of is why this didn’t happen sooner?”

“She deals in information. She has a lot of dirt on Bradley and those directly under his command. I was part of that network.”

“So that ensured her position in the city. That’s very impressive and resourceful.” Grumman actually _was_ impressed, which was a hard thing to achieve. “Regardless, she’s one of us, so we will offer all support in the rescue effort.”

“I want to help,” Roy offered immediately.

“You’re our hostage, or that is what Bradley thinks,” Grumman shot back, his voice kind. “It’s likely they have taken her in an effort to get you back.”

“Hawkeye said they were taking her to the eastern mines already.”

“To draw you out. To draw _us_ out for an exchange.”

“And will you? Hand me over to ensure her safety?”

The room became uncomfortably silent.

“Make no mistake, Mr. Mustang, our cause has always been to take down Bradley. Sacrifices need to be made.” Grumman held up a hand to stop Mustang’s immediate protest. “But not unnecessary ones. We will not be drawn out into a trap. We’ll be smart about this. I will not authorise a half assed rescue attempt.”

“By the time you have a plan she will already be in the mines,” Mustang replied, his voice hard. He wasn’t happy about this. None of them were, but like Grumman said, sacrifices needed to be made in a fight like this.

“I don’t like this anymore than you do, Mr. Mustang, but I will _not_ jeopardise my people. Too many have already died at the hands of that man. No more.” Grumman’s voice was sharp and offered no room for argument.

“She’ll be killed,” Mustang snarled, finally losing his composure. “She’s being sent there to _die_ , I’m not stupid and neither are you. This is just convenient for those in charge because they can get rid of my aunt once and for all unless we _do_ something! Hand me over,” he demanded as if it were that simple. “Do it. Now. That woman gave up everything for me and I will _not_ abandon her to those mines.” Roy said the last word as it was a curse, with enough venom in it to make Riza flinch.

“If you try that yourself I will have you restrained and then you really will become our prisoner.”

“Are you okay?” Breda asked quietly while no one was listening, picking up in the subtle cues Riza was no doubt giving off. The movement of her clenching her fists by her side, the straightening of her spine, the tightening of her shoulders. Riza nodded but it was tight. No, she wasn’t, but she wouldn’t lose it now, no matter how much the darkness tried to pull her in.

But they just kept _talking_ about those damn mines and the more they did, the more she felt the darkness creep into her mind. Abruptly, Riza stood and left the room.

“Riza?” Grumman asked in concern. He always called her by her last name when they were in company. Every assassin was treated the same. The use of her first name meant he was worried.

With the walls closing in on her she slammed the door closed. Then, there was a set of footsteps behind her as she walked away from that conversation, no doubt Breda who had left to look out for her. But she didn’t want Breda, as unfair and childish as that sounded. She wanted to be six years old again when she was too young to know better about the world and her mother and father loved her. She hadn’t been broken down. She hadn’t been tossed aside like a piece of garbage. Riza had built herself back up over the years with the help of Havoc, Grumman, and her team. Hearing them talk like that… So casually and so _unaware_ of what really happened in those mines as a slave. It brought everything back. The scars on her back tingled.

“They mine for stone to help build houses and state buildings in Central.”

_No, they are forced to and if they refuse or tire too early they are beaten either to unconsciousness or to the edge of it, before being made to continue without a chance of rest._

“It is unknown how long she will be held there for.”

_Until she dies or is murdered by the slave drivers._

“I don’t know what her status will be. They mostly just need miners.”

 _They don’t_ need _anyone. They take and take and take without any thought for the slaves._

It was obviously hard for Mustang to hear that, but every comment Riza heard in her mind, correcting her grandfather or Armstrong on their assumptions, she wasn’t in that room anymore. Her hands were bloody and blistered, her body aching and fatigued so badly whenever she blinked it took a good couple of seconds for her brain to catch up and comprehend what she was looking at.

Breda barked for someone to get Havoc.

_Good. He would help her. He would make it better._

Riza watched, whole body trembling, frozen on the spot, as her partner rounded the corner with haste. As he set his eyes on her, his approach picked up in speed.

She felt guilty. He was exhausted. He’d had maybe two hours sleep and it showed. Then he had been dragged out of his bed for her sake. This was not how it was meant to _be_. He didn’t need to suffer because of her. He’d already suffered enough, he still _did_ , and she didn’t need to add to it.

“Riza, it’s okay. You’re safe. You’re out of there.” She clutched his upper arms tightly, trying to get her breathing under control. “I’ve got you, it’s all right.” A hand was placed on the back of her head, fingers moving through her hair, as he brought her face against his chest. Riza felt her knees buckle and Havoc lowered them to the floor.

“What’s going on?” she heard her grandfather ask, tone urgent and demanding, but not without worry. He had never seen one of her attacks before. Riza had always sought out Havoc before anyone could.

“Get back,” Breda warned, voice low. “Give her some space.”

“Riza?” she heard Roy ask and she clenched her eyes shut tightly. She didn’t want anyone to witness this breakdown. She didn’t want pity, she didn’t want sympathy. She just wanted to _forget_. Riza knew this would never happen. Not in a million years.

“Everyone, get back. _Now_.”

There was the shuffle of feet then silence. Riza gasped, finally feeling comfortable enough to let go of everything. Her breathing was laboured, making her body shudder. Havoc held her tightly right there on the floor. He was much taller than she was, giving her the feeling of being engulfed in his presence. As a teenager he had been all limbs that looked incredibly uncoordinated when he moved, but he was always in control of it. As he grew older and especially after the year he had mining stone his arms and legs filled out with muscle.

It made her feel safe.


	9. don't fight it, it's coming for you, running at ya

**_don't fight it, it's coming for you, running at ya_ **

Chris Mustang’s prison wagon had one driver and another passenger who was supposed to be scanning the road ahead, scouting for possible danger. Supposed to be, because he was currently chatting animatedly with said driver. Both weren’t paying much attention to anything other than themselves. They were just driving ten men and women towards unlawful imprisonment and slavery, what did they have to worry about? Four other riders rode alongside the carriage, two on the left, two on the right, but they weren’t much better.

Good. It would make this so much easier.

Fuery whistled low, catching the other assassin’s attention. He nodded behind the prison wagon. Ten seconds later another band of riders came into view. There were five of them chatting amongst themselves and not the least bit concerned about the killers in the trees above them.

 Riza jerked her head, shifting her body so it was positioned towards the newcomers. They would take them out first swiftly so not to alert the prison wagon.

When they were directly underneath them Riza dropped first, the others a fraction of a second behind her. She landed on the horse hard, causing the beast to buck and whinny in terror. She quickly slit the officer’s throat with her knife before fighting for the reigns of the beast, kicking the dead weight off it.

Calming the horse would be a feat in itself but before she could Breda’s bolted and darted down the road towards the prison wagon. Riza’s shot off after it as Breda flailed to try and gain control. It was not necessary but they didn’t need the horse taking off into a field rather than down the road towards their real target.

The rider at the back of the prison escort lazily turned round in his saddle, irritated by Breda’s sudden interruption rather than concerned. His eyes widened upon seeing the tell-tale black armour of the assassins. His cry died on his lips as Riza threw a knife at him, hitting the man in the throat.

The others turned, directing the horses to turn to fight. The prison wagon took off at a run, the people inside shouting in surprise at the sudden jerk in the carriage’s movement.

The other three riders spurred themselves into action and turned to fight the assassins descending on their charge. Riza fell back while Fuery and Falman pushed ahead at speed, charging at the three riders ahead. Breda was already there and leapt off his horse, lunging towards the officer and tackling him to the ground. With them distracted Riza pushed ahead with Havoc to try and catch up with the prison wagon. It bounced and jerked over the road, the occasional yell of protest and cry of surprise sounding from within.

The driver desperately looked back, his expression filled with fear, but Riza held no sympathy for them. They knew what they were doing. They made a choice to join Bradley’s military. He even allowed non alchemists in, so long as they pledged absolute allegiance to him. Sure, these men may have been brainwashed by Bradley’s propaganda, but they could hear the terrified screams of the people within the prison wagon. When they arrived at the mines they would see the dismal conditions and the way the people were cruelly treated. At those gates, in full view of everyone, they would be stripped of everything they own, if they hadn’t been already. It was humiliating. Remembering her own experience made Riza feel ill.

She reached for the back of the wagon once drawing close enough. With a controlled pull she locked another hand around one of the bars. Once steading herself Riza swung up onto the roof of the wagon. A few scared cries came from beneath her, but Riza ignored it. She wouldn’t harm these people. With a quick scan of the occupants – all crammed into a space that was much too small for the number of people – Riza picked out Chris Mustang towards the back. The moment their eyes met an understanding passed between them. The woman nodded once, eyes continuing to watch Riza’s every move. She knew who Riza and her team were. Chris was aware of why they were here.

With a flick of her wrist Riza sent a knife into the officer not driving the wagon. The driver cursed, reeling away from the body that had slumped to the left then fell off the bench as the wagon hit another bump in the road rather harshly. The driver’s body followed suit, but not after Riza had secured the reigns and kicked him to the side. It took about a minute to calm the horses and to get them to slow. Havoc peeled away to search the bodies for a set of keys.

“None here,” he announced with a shake of his head. The prisoners inside continued to murmur fearfully behind them.

“They must have fallen out in the panic.”

“I’ll go back and check now.”

“No need,” Breda announced, tossing the keys up in the air casually. Riza couldn’t see his face but there was no doubt a pleased grin on his face, judging by the way the edges of his eyes crinkled. He tossed it one final time before throwing them to Riza. She plucked them out of the air with ease and approached the wagon. She stopped when at least three people shouted in fear, one man offering a fearful warning in Xingese, telling her to stay back.

Riza was not a master of the language by any means but knew enough to get by. In the mines there had been a woman there who helped Havoc treat her wounds. The three of them shared the same sleeping area for eight months. Riza had formed an attachment to her which was a big mistake. But, like Havoc, Li Yao had shown a great deal of care towards her. She reminded teenage Riza of her mother and at that point in her life she would grasp onto any kind of familiarity.

Li disappeared once day and never came back. Riza still didn’t know what had happened to her. There was no doubt in her mind that the woman had been killed, but it pained Riza to not know how or who had done it. Who had dared lay a finger on that kind and caring woman? If she or Havoc ever found out, her murderer would receive no mercy from either of them.

She and Havoc had wanted to do something for Li once getting out of the mines, but didn’t know where to start. They knew she hailed from Xing and had moved to Amestris thirty years ago but there had been no mention of family. So, in the back garden of the Assassins Keep, they had held a short ceremony. It only felt right, honouring her memory. She bought a small tombstone and Havoc carved her name into it, placing it down at the bottom of the grassy area, where the moonlight shone all night.

“It’s okay,” Riza replied to the frightened prisoners in Xingese, raising her hands to show she was going to cause them no harm. “It’s going to be all right. I’m here to help.”

“She killed all those guards!” the Xingese woman beside him cried.

“I know. I apologise if I frightened you, but you are safe now. More importantly, you are free.” One of them flinched as Riza approached but she reached for the lock and let it loose, shoving the door open distastefully. It bounced harshly on the hinges and the team of assassins stepped back, wordlessly offering them their freedom.

It took a few moments of hesitation, but soon the prisoners began to pour out. They shook the assassin’s hands gratefully, some crying. They offered the horses to those who needed it, Breda and Fuery cutting loose the four pulling the wagon.

Only Chris Mustang remained once the prisoners escaped. She hadn’t moved, opting to hang back to allow the others to leave first. Riza looked her over, noting her slightly dirtied cocktail dress and dishevelled hair. There was a bruise on her cheek that made Riza’s fists clench.

“And who are you lot supposed to be?” Chris asked, digging into a hidden pocket in her dress. To their surprise she pulled out a cigarette and lit it casually, eyeing the five assassins. “I know you aren’t just some good Samaritans.”

“We try to be,” Riza replied, offering Chris her hand. “Roy Mustang is waiting for you, Madame.”

Chris regarded each of them for a moment longer before huffing in agreement. She pushed herself off the wall and approached the door. “About damn time the boy made himself useful. I see he has made some new friends too,” she added, sharp eyes piercing Riza’s. She got the message. Chris knew _exactly_ who they were. “I’m glad he did. He needed to get out of the house more.” Chris took Riza’s outstretched hand. Her descent was stiff after being left standing for too long. “That boy spends too much time buried in his alchemy books.”

By the time the former prisoners were gone there were only three horses left. Fuery and Falman had rounded up the horses from the first group they had attacked, giving them a bit more leeway with their return to Central. It was decided Havoc and Riza would ride back to Central with Chris and two horses. The trip would take two days. Breda and Fuery would travel north then head west to split them up. Since the two were travelling on one horse they would take a longer and more isolated route. Falman would do the same, but head south. They would be using a predetermined route that the assassins frequented while out travelling.

The travel was rough but the three of them made it back to the Keep at two in the morning in one piece. Riza calculated Falman should arrive by morning and Breda and Fuery by the next afternoon. She requested someone ride out to meet them both, which her grandfather agreed upon. Edward and Alphonse Elric headed north while Alex Armstrong rode south.

Grumman ushered the Madame inside quickly to get cleaned up. What Riza didn’t expect to see was Roy stumbling around the corner, not quite believing his eyes. His hair was dishevelled, sticking up in random places. Dark circles took up residence under his eyes due to lack of sleep and his worry for his aunt’s welfare.

It hadn’t been easy on him to sit and listen to them discuss his Aunt’s fate in such a clinical manner. Riza had tried to omit the harshest details, opting to steer clear of any mention of what would happen if they were too slow in reaching Chris and she was already in the mines when they got there, partly or his sake and partly for her own.

Roy met Chris halfway and pulled her into a fierce hug. The Madame simply stood there, frozen. “What’s all this for?” she asked gruffly.

“I thought I lost you,” he murmured.

Feeling slightly uncomfortable, Riza edged around them both quietly, leaving them to their reunion. She didn’t think they would notice her retreat, but Roy turned and his voice made her pause.

“Thank you,” he breathed, the sincerity of his appreciation and his gratitude plain on his face.

Riza nodded. Her gaze moved off them both, somewhere to the side. “No problem.”

After her breakdown she had avoided both her grandfather and Roy as much as possible. They had questions and worries that she was not prepared to answer. She probably never would be. That whole experience still controlled her nine years on and Riza hated it. Havoc still suffered too. He liked to pretend it didn’t, but he had sought her out in the middle of the night almost just as often as she had.

“I… I like to know you’re still here,” he admitted sheepishly. “It helps.”

Of course, sharing a bed with a man was bound to raise suspicions but Riza had no time for it. In the grand scheme of things, rumours weren’t important. As long as she and Havoc knew where they stood with each other that was all that mattered to her.

It had been a brief thought at one time, but after everything Riza still saw him as a brother to her. It would be weird if anything progressed past friendship. Havoc had sighed in relief when he heard her say that, sharing the same feelings.

They were just two damaged human beings who were trying to piece themselves back together as best they could. Having a friend to help didn’t hurt.

“Hawkeye?” Grumman called her before she could completely disappear. She sighed quietly, knowing what was coming. “Get some rest. I’d like to speak with you in the morning.”

Riza nodded and turned to leave. Her expression was calm and impassive but inside her emotions were anything but. It was a cocktail of fear, panic, and anguish. She knew what the conversation would entail. Riza knew what was coming. Grumman was going to get her to explain her attack the other day. If she didn’t, she would be taken off assignments until she did, deemed unfit to work. The Keep didn’t need an assassin who couldn’t hold it together in a high pressure situation. Riza needed to work to keep her mind off of everything and Grumman knew that.

There would be no more running from her past from now on. She just hoped she could handle it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyooo team mustang to the rescue!!  
> just an update for those who are curious roy's pov and backstory will be in chapter 13. i initially wanted to have this all in riza's pov but uhhhh i really want to tell his story too..... mainly for the angst it will bring >:)


	10. a man learns who is there for him when the glitter fades and the walls won't hold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was kind of unsure of the title of this chapter but i used it based grumman and riza's conversation at the beginning. he's prompting her to tell him what's going on, but doesn't push it, instead offering his unconditional support.

**_a man learns who is there for him when the glitter fades and the walls won't hold_ **

Walter Grumman was not an unkind man. Calculating and cunning? Yes. However, he held the best interests of those close to him and under his care at heart. That’s why he had wrangled Riza into his office at the crack of dawn to discuss her mental state. She didn’t want to be here. Riza didn’t want to open up. Grumman was like a bloodhound and would not give up the chase until he got what he wanted.

“Why didn’t you tell me it was this bad?” Riza remained silent, causing her grandfather to sigh. “I could have helped –”

“Would you want anyone to know if it were you in my position?” she interrupted, staring him down.

“No,” he replied finally. “I suppose not.”

“Then you know why I didn’t tell you.”

“You don’t want to talk about it, do you?”

“No.”

Grumman sighed. “I won’t push it.” That surprised her. “I’m not stupid. I’ve only really known you for less than a decade, Riza, but I know when to push and when to not. I know where I found you. That is answer enough for me.

“Just promise me one thing.”

“Yes?” Riza questioned. Grumman had specifically waited for her to reply.

“Promise me you will seek out help when it gets too much. Take a day or a night off if need be.” She opened her mouth to protest, only for Grumman to continue. “The fight will still be here for you when you return. There are thirty other assassins here,” he reminded her gently. “We are all fighting for the same thing. You’re not in this fight alone.”

“I can’t promise I will take a day off. We can’t afford to.” She was strong enough to fight this. She just had to _believe_ she was. The other night she had been caught off guard that was all. Her mind had been overloaded with the topic. Couple that with her shock and nausea towards the topic of the mines, it had hit her hard and unexpectedly.

“You _can_ ,” Grumman stressed. “If you do not, I will order it.”

Riza didn’t doubt his threat.

In defeat, she hung her head and looked down at the hands folded in her lap. “Havoc helps a lot. So do Breda, Falman, and Fuery.” She heard Grumman shift in his chair, leaning forward expectantly. “Havoc insisted we get a good support network set up just in case, so we did.”

“He struggles too, doesn’t he?”

“Yes.”

Grumman sighed and rubbed his hands tiredly over his face. “I knew it,” he muttered to himself. “Well, I’m glad to hear you both have a solid team set up.”

She couldn’t bear to see the hurt look on his face. Not after everything her grandfather had done for her. If she did open up, there would be nothing but pity, and that was something she didn’t need or want. It would be an instinct for her grandfather, showing her pity. She needed purpose, she needed to be treated the same as everyone else, not babied and shielded from the world in case it hurt her again.

“Maybe one day, when this is all over… I might – I mean, I may be able to…”

“It’s okay, Riza,” he reassured her, a soft smile on his face. “I understand.”

Maybe once this was all over she might be able to open up. One day would be many years down the line though. However, in this fight, they both probably didn’t have years.

“Just… Take care of yourself. For me?”

Riza nodded. “I will.”

“Thank you. You’re dismissed.”

Riza breezed out of his office door, eyes on the floor as she walked. She almost bumped right into Mustang.

“Whoa,” he exclaimed with a friendly smile, grasping her upper arms in an effort to stop her from walking into him but Riza knew that smile was strained.

“Oh, sorry,” she stuttered. Damn, she was distracted again. This had to stop. What Riza really needed was an assignment. Something where she could get away from Central, away from her grandfather’s concerned gaze constantly trained on her back, away from Roy.

Things still weren’t easy between them. After her breakdown he had tried to offer comfort and support but Riza kept pushing him away. After all, if he couldn’t get close then she didn’t have anything to worry about… Right? It was just too bad that he was persistent and seemed intent on trying to right what had happened between them.

Regardless of feelings that extended beyond friendship, Riza could understand that Roy would feel guilty about what happened. She understood because she knew that if their situation were reversed she would feel the same way. His attempts at comfort and small gestures were not unwelcome but Riza accepting them was the start of them venturing into very dangerous territory.

If she could escape for a few days she could clear her head and return fresh and ready to put all of this behind her. Roy would hopefully be able to do so as well.

Her wish came to her sooner than she thought.

“I’d like you to travel to West City for me,” Grumman stated, shifting through papers on his desk two days after their meeting. “I’d like you to meet with a contact of mine regarding the whereabouts of an alchemist. Retrieving that information is of the utmost importance.”

“Understood.”

“You will leave as soon as possible. This will be a one person mission, Hawkeye. Understood?”

Riza nodded.

Grumman’s expression softened. “I don’t like sending you by yourself. I don’t like sending _any_ of you by yourself but discretion is important. He spooks easily so I can’t risk it.”

“It won’t be an issue.”

“I know I can count on you. I will see you upon your return.”

Riza left and readied her travel pack. Within ten minutes she was ready to go. Not one to be left unprepared should disaster strike, the assassin always kept a back packed in her bedroom should they need to up and leave at a moment’s notice. Riza Hawkeye was nothing if not efficient.

She entered the dining room where the main hatch to the tunnels below the Keep centred from. Fuery was in there by himself, tinkering away at a wireless radio. Riza wasn’t sure how he got a hold of it, or what he was doing with it. That was technology far beyond the understanding of anyone else here, except Fuery. The radio was controlled by Bradley’s government and only alchemists could put in an order for one. Of course, they were filled with propaganda, so it wasn’t much use to them.

“Hey Fuery,” she greeted. Of all the new people in her team, Fuery was one of her favourites. He was barely in his twenties and had yet to lose his youthful optimism, even in this fight. Fuery was always equipped with a smile for her and welcomed her into a conversation, regardless of what he had been doing prior to her entering a room.

Riza hoped the resistance wouldn’t break his spirit.

“Hey, Hawkeye!” he greeted warmly. He placed the screwdriver down on the table and turned to face her fully. “Heading out?”

She nodded, lifting the corner of the rug that ran the length of the room. Flicking it back, it revealed a hidden trapdoor. “Yeah, Grumman has a mission for me in the west.”

“Would you like some company?”

Riza smiled at his tone. He sounded so earnest. “I would, but its Grumman’s orders. This is a lone mission.” She lifted the trapdoor to reveal a dark stairway. Taking a deep breath, Riza calmed her nerves. There were torches further down the tunnel, not even ten feet from where she was standing now. It just appeared to be dark because of the bright candlelight in this room.

“Oh.” Bless, he actually sounded disappointed. “Okay then.”

Grinning, Riza offered him a flippant salute. “See you in a couple of days.” Taking a tentative first couple of steps Riza’s eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness. Sure enough, the torch that was now three feet from her current position was lit and burned brightly. It waved in the breeze from the trapdoor which Fuery graciously offered to close up for her.

The walk to her first destination was two miles. With nothing but dirt and torches to look at Riza found herself planning as she walked.

She was to meet a doctor in the outskirts of West City. Doctor Marco was an alchemist who supposedly had worked with Bradley closely before mysteriously disappearing one day a couple of years back. Well, that was the line Bradley fed everyone. Apparently Marco hadn’t agreed with the government’s efforts and experiments – Riza dreaded to think what they were – so he had been “relocated” out west. Exiled more like. Apparently even if you were a deserter and an alchemist, you were still too valuable to be disposed of.

At least Roy won’t be killed, Riza thought grimly. Well, she hoped. There was always the possibility that he, Edward, Alphonse, and Armstrong would be made an example of to the public.

It was her job to meet with him and help the doctor track and locate an Ishvalan who has been causing a stir in the west. He was openly murdering alchemists in broad daylight. Riza had no right to judge on the subject of murder, after all, that’s what she was doing to. Just because she dressed it up with another name and did it in the dead of night so no one could see it didn’t mean she was above this Ishvalan. They were both killers.

Bradley’s main focus was his stronghold in Central, so he never really bothered about the other four main cities in Amestris, that’s why this Ishvalan had yet to be stopped. His usual “I care for all alchemists” speech was just a front. Bradley only cared about the real powerhouses that resided in Central. He kept his prized possessions close to him, ready to move and demonstrate their power to instil fear at any given moment.

 Sure, there was a military presence in the cities with alchemists and officers, but the law enforcement was more “laid back”. Of course, they still liked to torment people like Riza and round up anyone they found like cattle to ship them either north or east to the mines, Bradley just turned even more of a blind eye to it.

These cities were so much worse that Central for normal people like Riza.

Grumman had requested a meeting with the Ishvalan and would enquire if this newcomer would like to join their cause in Central. From the sound of things, his talents could come in useful.

It took Riza a day of searching and waiting in the slums on the outskirts of West City before Doctor Marco presented himself.

“Sorry, I had to be careful,” he explained. “I’m sure you understand.”

Riza nodded. She would have preferred to have not been kept waiting by a paranoid man but she had no control over that. “I understand. Where can we find your associate?”

Marco stiffened. “He isn’t exactly my associate.”

“Fine, but where can we find him?” Riza really didn’t care about the complexities of their relationship. She just wanted to do her damn job.

“He’s in hiding nearby. I’ll take you there.”

The walk was silent. The slums around them, were not. Every so often there was a scream. The sound of people crying filled the air more often than not. Feral orphans scampered in the shadows, eyes watching their every move. She wondered if any of them were tied to the resistance. Grumman had his own network in the slums in Central. There was the other possibility they were working for Bradley, so Riza kept her mouth promptly shut as they walked.

The smell though was what really made her stomach churn. Human waste, decay, and just general _filth_ filled the air, making her gag not for the first time today. No matter how many times she visited the places where her people were being held, nothing would quell her anger. It wasn’t right they were treated like this just because they didn’t have an aptitude for science. These visits always strengthened her resolve and determination to cut down every alchemist who stood between her and King Bradley.

“In here,” Marco murmured. Riza distinctly noticed the sever lack of orphans in the shadows around them. Either this place was a no-go zone for them or something had scared them off. But what?

Upon entering Riza noted how barren the shack was. The dirt floor was cleared of everything, save a makeshift cot in the far right corner of the room. Upon it, lay a person. There was nothing but the sounds of laboured breathing.

“He’s in a bad way at the moment. I’ve healed him as best I can but with this rudimentary equipment and basic ingredients for medicine, there’s not much else I can do.”

Riza peered over at the man. Bandages covered his head so the only thing that was showing was his mouth, which was partly open as he slept.

“What happened to him?”

“An alchemist,” the Ishvalan replied, voice strained. Marco jumped, not expecting him to be awake. “They blew half my face off, killed my brother.” He sat up shakily, swinging his legs around the edge of the bed. “They will pay.”

His voice held a deadly calm that made Riza want to shiver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohoho! it's all about to kick off lads brace yourselves!!


	11. fate is pulling you miles away and out of reach from me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**_fate is pulling you miles away and out of reach from me_ **

 

Riza spent a week with Marco in the slums out west. Not much happened, they were just waiting for Scar – a name the Ishvalan had given himself – to become fit enough to travel back to Central.  Riza ventured out to collect ingredients for medicines while Marco brewed up his concoctions and Scar rested.

“I’ll do it,” Scar agreed once Riza revealed the true reason for her visit. She hadn’t expected him to agree so readily, but wasn’t about to complain. After all, she had successfully completed one part of her mission. All she had to do now was get them both back to the Keep without being discovered by Bradley’s men.

“We need to return to Central. There’s not much we can do out here in regards to taking down Bradley.” Scar nodded, red eyes boring into Riza’s brown ones. Now the bandages were off, there was a pinking scar on his face, a cross that sat in the middle of his forehead and covered his eyes.

“At the Keep we have assassins waiting and Grumman will debrief you on the situation there. There are four alchemists in our charge as well.” Scar’s fists clenched by his side. “They are working for our cause.”

“Do any of them work for Bradley?”

Riza regarded Scar while Marco looked nervously between the two. Riza couldn’t lie to him but if she told him that Mustang had, he might just try to kill him. Scar’s intent was clear. Anyone who worked with Bradley was the enemy, regardless of whether they supported the resistance or not.

“No. One did, but he supports our cause and has been taken in under the disguise of being our hostage.” Scar nodded, his expression changing. “If you lay a hand on any of our alchemists we will not hesitate to put you down by any means necessary,” Riza warned. “They are on our side otherwise they wouldn’t be living with us. Having their skills will be incredibly useful in the final fight so I will not have you killing any of them, is that understood?”

The air between them was thick with tension but Riza didn’t back down. He wouldn’t get to lay a hand on the brothers, Armstrong or Mustang. She would kill Scar herself before that ever happened.

“Understood.”

The walk out of the slums was uneventful. They slipped away in the night, mindful of any orphans running around and listening where they shouldn’t be. It wasn’t until they hit the stables where Marco had acquired three horses, did their situation change. Riza was checking over her horses’ saddle when she heard two people inside the barn talking.

“Did you hear?” one man asked fearfully.

“Hear what?” the woman replied, her voice louder than her companions and sounding bored.

The man shushed her. “Keep your voice down!”

“Why?” she replied, exasperated. “What have you done now?” she accused.

“Nothing but I overheard some of the officers talking in the inn. They say the Flame Alchemist is dead.”

Riza froze. Her eyes, wide like saucers, peered into the dark forest before her, but her mind was inside that barn, listening to the two of the talk. Her stomach was way down in the core of the earth.

“What?” the woman exclaimed, laughing at the absurdity of the man’s claim. “That’s ridiculous. He can’t be dead.” Riza could picture her shaking her head.

“It’s true,” the man urged. “Bradley had him killed. He was part of the resistance.” The last word was whispered out of fear.

 _No_.

“How?” she asked after a pause, a hint of fear creeping into the woman’s own voice, finally warming to her comrade’s claims.

“There was a fight in Central between some of the alchemists and the resistance. I don’t know what that bunch of assassins thought they could do against alchemy. It left the city in ruins, buildings collapsed in on one another. Most of the resistance got crushed underneath them.”

This… This can’t be happening. Who had been killed? _Why_ had Roy been out there? _What was happening back there?_

“Jones,” a newcomer barked.

“Yes, sir?” the man squeaked, cutting his conversation with his companion short.

“What are you doing?”

Riza had stopped listening by that point. There wouldn’t be much point anyway because all she could hear was the roaring in her ears.

Her friends… Her comrades… Were they dead? Was it Hughes’ band of resistance members who had been involved? It was a foolish hope because the man had specifically mentioned assassins, but Riza’s situation was already dire enough perhaps her brain was just trying to trick her to give her a break.

“We’re leaving,” Riza barked to Marco and Scar. “Now.”

Both didn’t protest and Riza took off into the forest at a breakneck speed, desperate to be at the Keep to find out what was happening.

What should have been a three day ride turned into two with how hard Riza pushed her horse. Every break they took stretched time out to an eternity. She couldn’t sleep, she had no appetite, and she just needed to know what was happening to her friends.

On their approach to Central Riza’s stomach tightened at the smell of burning and the sight of several smoke plumes rising from within the inner circle. Marco and Scar didn’t comment as she barked an order at them to move faster. Being honest with herself, Riza would probably just leave them if they fell behind, but as she had been reminding herself a lot lately, this fight was a lot bigger than her or her comrades. The resistance needed the skills of Marco and could use a fighter like Scar on their side. She owed it to her people to bring them home.

Yanking the trapdoor hidden in an abandoned shack on the outskirts of the slums, Riza dove headfirst into that inky darkness without another thought. Marco and Scar were always close behind.

The Keep was eerily silent when they emerged from the tunnels. Riza told both her companions to stay put in the dining room while she scouted ahead. It was _never_ this quiet. The hallways were empty and the main gathering rooms were void of anyone. Even Grumman’s office was empty.

Before the panic could completely overwhelm her, Riza spotted Fuery heading to the infirmary just as she rounded a corner. He whirled around as she choked out his name, her windpipe blocked up with her relief.

“Hawkeye!” he breathed, rushing to meet her. His eyes were wet.

“What happened?”

A tear fell down his face.

No.

No, this couldn’t be happening. They couldn’t be dead. They _couldn’t_.

“We were ambushed while heading out to the slums. There was ten of us. Mustang, Havoc, and the Elrics drew the officer’s fire away from us and into the city. It –” Fuery cut himself off as he swallowed thickly. “They thought that if they were in the city, Bradley’s men wouldn’t be as ruthless, but Bradley himself appeared and… Riza, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Fuery’s tears fell faster. “Fuery, sorry for _what_?”

He shook his head and motioned towards the infirmary. The door opened and Grumman stood in the doorway, looking grim. “Riza,” he beckoned her forward softly.

The ground behind her as she walked threatened to swallow her whole, creeping closer with every step she took. She stopped breathing as she entered the room, afraid of what would be in front of her.

Havoc…

“He’s alive,” Grumman murmured from her side. He was lying on the bed, his face a grimace of pain and his eyes closed. His skin was covered in cuts a bruises and one arm was bound in gauze, strapped tightly to his chest.

Riza stumbled over to her old friend, tears running down her face. Relief swelled within her despite his condition because all that mattered to Riza was that he was alive. He would be okay.

“Havoc,” she gasped kneeling at his head.

“Hawkeye,” he groaned, body twitching in pain as is eyes opened. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

“Why?”

“I’m sorry, Riza, I was a fool.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked, sobs mixing in with her words. She brushed his fringe back from his face, grateful she still had the opportunity to do so. All through the ride back she had worried that she never would see him again. She would lose the one person who knew how to calm her and ease her fears. She would have lost the man who got her through day to day.

Riza couldn’t lose Havoc, no matter what.

“I thought I could take them but then Bradley appeared,” he gasped then groaned in pain, his body convulsing. Riza tried to soothe him but it didn’t work, not when she needed the same treatment herself. There was still eight other people to account for. One, she was ashamed to admit, she cared more about than the others. Havoc was top priority, then Roy.

Where was Roy?

“And Mustang,” he growled. Riza paused, taken aback by the anger in his voice. “He returned to Bradley like a good dog and left me to die.”

Riza froze then sat back on her heels, stunned.

“It’s true,” Grumman added, his tone deadly. “We have witnesses.” Riza shook her head. Roy wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t fight for Bradley, he _wouldn’t_. “Riza, it’s true.”

“No it _isn’t_ ,” she cried, shooting from her position kneeling by Havoc’s head. “He wouldn’t do that,” she stated, one hundred per cent sure of her own words. Roy wouldn’t betray them for Bradley. No one was that good of an actor. There had to have been some reason… Something _must_ have happened so Roy had no other choice than to return to Bradley.

Riza refused to believe it.

“It’s true,” Fuery chipped in. His tears were gone but his expression was stricken. “He caused the building to collapse on top of Havoc.”

“No…”

“I’m sorry, my dear.” Grumman placed a hand on her shoulder.

“No, he wouldn’t,” she whispered.

After _everything_ that had happened to her in life, this one revelation hurt the most.

All that talk of changing the world, of wanting her to open up to him, trying so hard to get her to talk… And he did _this_? Riza was in denial, no doubt about it. But… They were so sure of this information. They had seen him in action, Riza hadn’t. She hadn’t been there.

Had her heart had blinded her to what was really going on all this time? Did Roy laugh at them, think them fools, when they discussed their plans to take down Bradley. A sickening thought occurred to her, making bile rise in her throat. Was he telling Bradley their very location right now? Was the Keep compromised? Too many bombarding thoughts filled her head and she clutched it, pain shooting through it. She heard her grandfather asking if she was all right but she couldn’t answer. The hurt of Roy’s betrayal overwhelmed her, leaving her struggling to breathe.

Riza had once told herself she hoped he would pick the right side. Evidently, she didn’t know Roy Mustang as well as she thought.

Because he had picked wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 👀👀👀


	12. it feels impossible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this is where the graphic depictions of violence warning comes in, so take heed if that's not your thing! in this chapter there is mention of torture and description of injuries resulting from it

**_it feels impossible_ **

“Doctor Marco says you will be healed in a couple of weeks.” Riza put forth the reassurance to Havoc in an attempt to pull him from the well of despair he was falling into. To be perfectly honest, Riza felt like giving in and spiralling in there with him, but she didn’t have the energy. After returning home two days ago her time had been consumed with staying with Havoc and watching over him. She couldn’t be anywhere else, not when he had done so much for her already. Plus, they had gone through almost every traumatic and harrowing event of their lives together it had become tradition to share it with one another.

“Any news?” he asked, voice monotone.

Riza shook her head. “No word on the Elrics just yet. We just have to sit and wait.” Havoc scoffed.

She almost tripped over the mention of their names. After the attack there had been no word from the brothers and Riza found herself worried sick. Grumman had sent out scouting parties to try and find a trace of them, but the groups turned up nothing. Naturally, after Bradley’s assault they were lying low and the Keep was on lockdown, save for those searching for the missing assassins. Fewer people leaving meant less ground being covered. It was going to take so much longer to find them that it would have before.

There was a quiet, fearful, murmur that they had joined Mustang, but Riza was quick to dispel that thought. Edward would rather set himself on fire than side with Bradley. They all knew that. Edward voiced his opinion of the man loudly and regularly.

Havoc remained silent, opting to only stare down at his legs beneath the blanket. Riza knew this was incredibly difficult for him. They worked with their hands. The ability to wield a blade the way they do gave them purpose. Grumman had plucked them from obscurity in the mines and given them a reason, given them something to fight for. This was all they had both known for the last ten years. This resistance propelled them forward to working for a better world. If Havoc couldn’t actively involve himself in it then he would think all was lost.

Marco said it would take weeks for the break in his arm to heal and then another month or two of rehabilitation to repair the muscles. That was far too long, according to Havoc. It was too long for him to sit and do nothing.

 He had never been one to sit idle and strategy was not his strong point. Riza knew all was not lost, far from it, but convincing Havoc that was going to be an effort in itself. This was just a setback. They would work it out. They always did.

Riza sighed and leaned back in her chair. “I’ll go and see if Grumman has finished with Marco and he can gauge how well your arm is doing.”

“Just leave it,” he muttered, eyes not lifting from the bed. Riza paused and turned to look at him. His right hand was clenched into a fist by his side, trembling.

“No.”

He twitched and Havoc slowly raised his head to meet her gaze. “What?”

“No. You don’t get to give up. This is something we can overcome.”

“My arm is _broken_ , Hawkeye,” he growled.

“I’m aware of that.” Her reply was calm.

“Marco said I could lose it because of the damage. The whole ceiling fell on top of me, it’s a wonder I didn’t lose it already.”

“It will heal. Do you remember what you said to me in the mines?” she asked abruptly. “On that first night we met each other?”

Havoc winced. “Riza.” His voice begged at her not to bring it up and at a time like this, she didn’t really want to. However, those words had gotten her through the worst of her crushing despair. It was time he heeded his own advice.

“Do you remember?” she urged. No answer. “You told me I don’t get to give up. Not while there are others depending on me.” Havoc took a shuddering breath. “And _I_ depend on you, Jean. More than you could ever know. I need you by my side in this fight.”

“I’m useless now,” he whispered bitterly. “Just leave me behind.”

“Never.” Riza’s reply was fierce, anger spiking in her at the thought of him giving up. No, he didn’t get to give up because Havoc hadn’t let _her_ give up all those years ago. “Your situation is only what you make of it. Now you can lie in this bed and wallow in your self-pity for days on end or you can make plans for the future and rest up. Your choice.”

“You’re acting as if this is nothing!” he exploded, face contorting in anger. Riza didn’t even flinch at the ferocity of his words. “Marco said he would make the decision tomorrow about cutting it off. This isn’t just a simple break! I can’t fucking be an assassin if I only have one arm!”

“With an automail arm you can.” Havoc opened his mouth but had no reply. “If it comes to it, you can get yourself some auto mail.” Riza face softened finally. “I need you, Havoc, I always have. You keep me sane, you keep me grounded, and you make me happy, even after everything we went through. I can’t win this fight without you.” Riza swallowed down the pressure in her throat as she watched Havoc’s own eyes water. She walked slowly back over to him and gripped his good hand tightly. Letting loose a breath, she shared her feelings with someone for what felt like the first time in her life. “I _won’t_ win it without you. We’ve put too much into this, sacrificed too much, to give up now.” She squeezed his hand, wiping away a tear on her cheek. “Marco said he can heal you with alkahestry, although it will take time. It will be hard but I will be with you every step of the way. And when you’re ready, I’ll be waiting for you on Bradley’s doorstep, ready to end this with you.”

Riza left a speechless Havoc in his bed as she strode from the room to find Grumman. She would do everything in her power to help her friend. It was about time she returned the favour. Her hands were trembling as she opened the door. Her chest felt lighter after getting those words of her chest. They were the truth, every last one of them, she had just never said them to Havoc before. They both knew how they felt about the other. They shared a bond that was closer than friends, deeper than siblings. Through their trauma they had found a saviour in each other.

Actually telling Jean Havoc just how much he meant to her was liberating and she actually felt content for the first time in a long time.

Apparently her little speech worked because when she returned from her talk with Grumman – her “brief” talk turned into an even longer one and two hours later she was back by Havoc’s bedside – Marco was already there with him, along with Falman.

Three days later Riza was aimlessly wandering through the Keep while Havoc slept when a commotion drew her attention to the front gate.

“It’s the Elrics!” the guard shouted from their watch post in the large trees in the front garden. Riza’s heart jumped into her throat. She sprinted outside along with Fuery who had been keeping her company. “They’re carrying someone!”

The night air was cool on her skin. She peered through the darkness to the gate as it opened, not really knowing what to expect as the pair stumbled through. From her first assessment they were unharmed. Both looked exhausted but frantic. The gate closed tightly behind them, additional guards materialising out of nowhere as they began their watch to see if they were followed.

“Oh, Ed! Al!” Riza cried in relief, her emotions running away with her, but she didn’t care. She had worried about the teenagers non-stop since they had disappeared. Riza just hadn’t wanted to admit how much she had cared because the thought of something happening to them terrified her. Ever since that talk with Havoc her mind had been flooded with the same feelings she’d had for years but had always squashed down. Letting them run rampant in her mind and letting herself actually _feel_ was a new and incredibly terrifying experience.

She was strong enough, now, to acknowledge them. A couple of years ago she would have crumpled and given up because if she let just _one_ thing through, the flood gates would open and there would be the possibility that her memories from the mines would pour through with them. Riza didn’t think she would ever be ready to face them again, but she had learned to live with them. Perhaps extracting bits and pieces would help her heal.

“Mustang needs help!”  Ed cried and Riza noticed they were dragging a body between them. Each had a hand under his arms, legs having long since given up, and feet dragging along the ground as the brothers moved.

“What?” Fuery asked, voicing the question Riza couldn’t. Her heart was still in her throat.

“We got him out,” Ed declared. “We got him out but the damage had already been done. He passed out about twenty minutes ago just after we shook the officers following us.”

Riza crouched as they lowered Mustang to the ground, physically unable to hold him upright anymore. She helped them move his body and gasped as she set her eyes on his face. While they moved Roy’s head had been bowed towards the floor.

There was a large cut at his hairline, partially obscured by his matted hair, which was also thick with blood in places as it touched the wound. Blood trailed down his bruised and blotched face, trickling down his neck and disappearing into his filthy looking shirt. The skin around the cut was red and puckered, the edges jagged and rough. Riza knew a wound like that and it was done to inflict pain.

He had been tortured.

It took everything in her power not to vomit on the grass beside her.

One eye was completely swollen shut and he had been struck on the face multiple times. There were two old cuts on his left cheek and one on his right, which looked like it had been split open again more recently. His lips were split too, the skin cracked. His whole face was black and blue, speaking of a recent beating. His other exposed skin, his hands and his neck, were not much better.

Looking back down the path, she noticed spots of blood creating a trail down to the gate.

“He has broken ribs too so be careful when you move him,” Al warned weakly, leaning heavily on his side. “And his fingers.”

Someone beside Riza lifted him gently and she watched, still too stunned to move, as they carried him away from her and to the infirmary.

What… What had Bradley _done_ to him?

Riza was up from her knees in a shot to follow them. Her only focus was the tortured man who was being carried away from her.

Havoc started awake as they burst through the doors. He yawned and mumbled about the noise but stopped when he saw Riza.

“What’s going on?” he asked. There was no recognition in his face as he peered at the man on the bed next to him. Riza’s chest tightened. Was Roy really beaten so badly that Havoc didn’t recognise him?

“Get Marco,” Riza barked as she rounded to Roy’s side, crouching by his head. Someone had tortured him. Whoever that was they were going to pay. When Riza found out who there would be no force on earth that could stop her.

When she first set eyes on his face it felt as though someone had punched her in the gut. His state looked so much worse in the candlelight. That vomit crept back up her throat.

“Who is it?” Marco asked, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

“Mustang,” Riza choked out.

Marco froze, eyes peering into the bed before his mouth fell open in shock. He swore and without another word the doctor got right to work.

“ _Mustang_?” Havoc questioned in disbelief. He looked like he was ready to vomit too.

The pair of them had seen death. They walked hand and hand with it on a regular basis, but this… This was so much worse. Their deaths were quick. Someone had literally beaten Mustang to a bloody pulp and, from the state of him, within an inch of his life. This was done simply to maim, not kill.

Roy groaned as Marco began to work. Riza’s attention snapped to his face. He begun to fight, albeit feebly, against Marco’s movements.

“Roy?” Riza called to him, placing a hand gently atop his head. She couldn’t hold his hand. Whoever had tortured him had broken both his thumbs and middle fingers, probably as a precaution and so he couldn’t do flame alchemy. Riza hated how clinically she was thinking about this, but she knew if she didn’t, she would break right there and then. “Roy,” she tried again, this time right into his ear. Judging by the way his body was fighting he probably thought he was still with Bradley. She gently brushed his matted hair off his face and he eventually visibly relaxed. Riza didn’t try to think about how long this had been going on. _He has been missing for five days…_ Riza shook herself, repositioning so she was comfortable by Roy’s head. She knew she wouldn’t be moving from that spot for a long time. All that mattered right now was he was here, and they needed to work fast to save him.

“Riz…” he groaned. A whimper left him as Marco’s hands travelled across his torso. Broken ribs. Riza shuddered.

“You’re okay, you’re safe. We’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

“I’m… sorry.” His speech was broken. Apparently it was a great effort to utter even the simplest of words.

“Don’t worry about that,” she reassured him, tears falling down her face. One of Roy’s eyes opened and Riza gasped in an attempt to bite back a sob. “You’re here now.”

“No,” he groaned, eyes falling shut once more. Seeing him in this state… It hurt Riza more than he could ever know. “Plea… Forgive me.”

“I do, Roy.” At this point she would forgive him for anything. She just wanted to stop his suffering. “I forgive you.”

“I… I…”

“What?” Riza asked desperately, her emotions edging towards hysteria.

“Please… Plea…”

His body fell slack and his eyes fluttered closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed this one and i'm sorry roy D:


	13. will you catch me if i should fall?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because what i self control and pacing yourself so you don't have to rush to put content out?  
> lmao  
> hope you enjoy!

**_will you catch me if i should fall?_ **

“Hawkeye?” Havoc called to her softly. Probably so he didn’t startle her from her semi-sleeping state. While Marco had worked on Roy she had remained by his side and had continued to watch over him in the days following it. Havoc had been released from the infirmary two days ago, his arm safe from amputation. The building essentially collapsing on top of him did a number on the limb, but thanks to the efforts of the Elric brothers, their temporary shelter over Havoc’s near unconscious form shielded him from the brunt of the rubble. He had gotten off easy and that soothed Riza’s frayed nerves. When Havoc was out of the woods her attention turned to Roy.

“Yeah?” she replied, eyes begging to close again. She sat up in the armchair by Roy’s bed, not intending to have fallen asleep. The sound of Roy’s breathing had lulled her towards unconsciousness and she had welcomed it. If she was asleep then she would at least get a break from worrying.

“Ed and Al are here to see you.”

“Okay,” she sighed, rubbing her tired face. “Come in, boys.”

“No.”

“What?” Riza asked Havoc tiredly. She was too far gone to play any games right now. She needed to talk to the boys, why was Havoc saying no?

“Go outside and talk to them.”

“What?” she repeated, genuine confusion in her tone.

“You’ve been in here for days. Go outside this room and take a break.”

“I don’t want him to be alone if he wakes up –”

“He won’t be.” Havoc smiled softly. “I’ll be here until you get back. Besides, I need to be here anyway. The Doc is going to look at my arm again.”

“But –”

“Hawkeye,” he begged. “Please.”

Riza deliberated for a moment. She really needed to get out of this room. She had been torturing herself with the worst case scenarios ever since Roy arrived. The discovery of his condition was like a sucker punch to her stomach and that moment when the Elric brothers dragged his beaten and unconscious body into the front garden of the Keep replayed over in her mind. She went from feeling crushed by his betrayal to feeling all hope leaving her that he may not survive the night. Ever since his arrival it had been constant touch and go. Marco had yet to put Roy in the all clear. The thought of him dying terrified Riza to her core and, whether he was for or against them, that feeling would never change.

Riza didn’t really want it to change either.

That realisation hit her harder than she expected. Of course she loved him. She had known that for a while. Of course, she couldn’t act on it. That would be suicide. They were from two different worlds, it would never work, regardless of the fact he was now on their side. Riza would be killed unless they ended Bradley’s regime and that would destroy Roy in another way. She wouldn’t do that to him.

Until Roy woke they wouldn’t really know his true allegiance. When he woke, he would tell them. Grumman would make sure of that. He still wasn’t happy about Roy’s stunt of dropping that building on Havoc, something Riza still wasn’t entirely sure how that had come about.

 Too much was up in the air at the moment so Grumman had placed two guards outside the infirmary just in case. Riza had yet to hear the Elric’s side of the story, which was why she had asked them to visit her once they were finished speaking about the whole experience with Grumman. Riza refused to leave Roy’s side to hear it – she knew how horrible it was to wake up in an unfamiliar place, alone, after being tortured– so she was more than happy to wait until the two boys were available.

Speaking of the Elrics, they entered the room, faces solemn as they glanced towards the only occupied bed in the room. Roy’s skin had lost its bruised colouring, but it was still red and yellow in places. The swelling in his eye had reduced but it was still black. His ribs and fingers had been set and would heal with time, they were told.

“I’ve put him under,” Marco informed them. “He’s in a coma while his body heals.” The word “coma” set off major alarm bells in Riza’s head. “I managed to save some morphine from when I treated Scar’s wounds. If he’s unconscious his body will heal faster.”

“When will he wake up?” Riza had questioned.

Marco pursed his lips before pressing them into a thin line. “When he’s ready.”

Riza felt sick. As if she didn’t feel bad enough already.

The large cut on his forehead had been down to the bone, Marco had said, and he had healed that with alkahestry right away. There was the possibility of infection, he said, so Marco had taken a team out to the forests beyond the slums to search for various plants and ingredients that would help should it come to that.

“Hey, Hawkeye,” Ed greeted taking a seat across from her. His eyes fell on Roy’s sleeping form, wincing at the sight of his face. “How is he?”

“Same as yesterday.” God, she sounded awful. Well, at least she sounded how she felt.

“He’ll wake up, Hawkeye,” Al reassured her. “I know he will.”

“Thank you, Al.” She stood and stretched, her muscles making their pain known.

Riza had never really been optimistic in life – she had her teenage years to thank for that – so she simply nodded and accepted Al’s reassurance, no matter what her personal thoughts were on the matter. The boy always tried to make the best of a bad situation. They both hadn’t been tainted by life the way she had and Riza didn’t want to take away their youthful optimism just yet. No doubt the world would do that to them soon enough. Ignorance is bliss, as they say.

Sure, they had their own bad experiences. The boy’s parents both died when they were young and Grumman took them in. When Ed turned sixteen he applied for a house in Central and it was granted, given his talents. They had kept their old house in the middle circle, which was now known as the Assassin’s Keep.

“Where do you want to start?” Ed asked when they entered the library of the Keep.

While Riza wanted to know exactly how the _hell_ they had gotten Roy out of Bradley’s clutches, she also wanted to know what had happened in the city.

“Just… start from the beginning,” she replied tiredly, making herself comfortable for a long discussion.

Edward began by reciting the events that had transpired up until the officers attacked their convoy. It was an ambush. The assassins scattered while Mustang fought them with his alchemy. Ed and Al were quick to jump in afterwards to provide assistance and Havoc stated he wouldn’t be the one who left those kids behind. The rest of the assassins disappeared into the darkness of the forest and split up to wait to return to the tunnels. They usually had no issue with the officers themselves, but there was another alchemist there, Ed said. One Havoc never even noticed.

Kimblee.

He had been part of the group and as they rode, Havoc lost sight of them. In the inner circle the four of them wagered that the officers would go easier on them and Kimblee wouldn’t draw too much attention to himself. Publicly, there was no resistance to Bradley’s rule. It was never acknowledged by the government in an attempt to keep it under wraps and stop the people from rising up themselves.

Their attempts had been in vain because Bradley himself had shown up.

“He was fast,” Ed commented. “ _Too_ fast. It was unhuman.”

“He uses alchemy of some sort to make himself faster?” Riza asked.

Ed shook his head. “I don’t think so. He never transmuted anything and was only equipped with two swords. Al and I barely made it out alive. When Kimblee sent a blast into a nearby building we used that to our advantage to take shelter and regroup. We lost sight of Havoc after that.”

“He was beside Mustang,” Al continued, picking up the telling of their story. “Mustang and Bradley spoke for a minute or two, but it seemed like Havoc’s hearing was impacted by Kimblee’s explosions and we couldn’t quote make it out from where we were hiding. He was shaking his head and didn’t seem to be focussing on what was being said. We were hidden nearby and behind the rubble. Then, another explosion happened but this one was different.”

“How so?”

“There was more fire. My theory was Kimblee and Mustang both activated an array at the same time and the combination of Kimblee’s explosion and Mustang’s fire created something even bigger, something to bring down the rest of the building. Ed and I were buried under more rubble and we lost sight of Havoc. When we got free Bradley and Mustang were gone and Havoc was unconscious. We still aren’t sure if it was to protect and hide us, or it was just by chance.

“We pulled Havoc out of the rubble,” Al added. “We had to wait until they were gone which is why his arm was is in such a bad condition.” His tone held a hint of guilt that Riza wanted to squash. There was no reason Al should feel guilty about what happened, he had helped save not only Havoc’s life, but Roy’s as well. “Mustang appeared to walk willingly away with Bradley.”

Riza’s stomach twisted painfully but was still baffled how these two teenagers had managed to get to where they had been holding Roy. When she voiced the question that had been eating at her – what _the hell_ had happened to Mustang? – the two shifted uncomfortably in their chairs.

“What is it?”

“Well…” Al averted his eyes to the floor. Ed said nothing but his hand clenched into a fist.

“You don’t want to tell me,” Riza stated.

“No,” Ed shook his head. “It’s not that, its…”

“What, Ed?” she asked gently.

“I don’t want to upset you,” he mumbled finally. Riza blinked at him. “It… It wasn’t nice, what we saw.” Ed swallowed thickly. Sometimes she forgot he was only just a teenager. He was just a kid who had been subjected to too many horrors already in his short life. Riza did what she could to shield them from it but in this life, as part of the resistance, there was no chance of that happening successfully. Since they had joined this fight, the two had grown up much faster than they should have.

“Look, there is a good chance I’ve seen worse than what you are about to tell me.” Edward scowled, although it wasn’t directed at Riza, just at the world in general. “Boys,” she commanded, voice suddenly sounding exhausted. “Please. My mind has already cooked up something worse, I can guarantee it.”

So the boys told the story of their rescue attempt and Riza tried very hard to keep her emotions in check. She knew they would omit details if they thought it would be too much for her, in order to try and protect her. It frustrated Riza no end because she didn’t need that kind of protection. She needed to know everything in order to formulate a plan of attack and how to deal with it properly. However, bless them both, they still tried to look out for her, despite Riza being around ten years their senior. They were good kids. Kids, who didn’t deserve to be in this life, but they were because they were fighting for what was right and for their own future. Riza was doing it for them, she supposed.

This fight… Riza knew she could die. It was almost inevitable at this point. If what they had been telling her was correct, Bradley wasn’t entirely human, and with an army of alchemists on his side against those who were only equipped with swords, knives, and bows, there were going to be more casualties than survivors. That was a given fact. They might not even succeed. Riza hoped that she might be one of the survivors, to see that all her hard work had not been in vain, but it was a fool’s hope, and she knew that.

So, she was doing it for Edward and Alphonse and all the other children who were still alive and had been made to suffer. She would put an end to Bradley’s regime so that the next generation of children didn’t need to grow old too fast like the brothers due to the horrors they had witnessed. Riza would stop this so that no other child would go through what she did. If Riza Hawkeye only had one purpose in life, then it would be just that. No child should be subjected to what Riza went through.

Ed took over recounting the events when they reached the point about discovering Mustang and how badly he had been beaten and tortured. Al found it too difficult to explain. When Riza told Ed he didn’t need to continue, the fire in the older brother’s eyes made her eyebrows arch in surprise.

They had found Roy in a cell in Central Command. The brothers were required to report there once a week to submit a report of what work they were currently working on so used their clearance to sneak into the prison underneath the complex – something Riza disapproved of. That was a hell of a risky move.

“It paid off though, didn’t it?”

Where Riza would have expected to see Ed’s usual confident and cocky smirk, there was only a sad one, with eyes that looked too haunted for her liking, despite the fire that had just been there moments ago.

Riza swallowed down the bile as they explained Roy’s condition. He had been tied to a post in the centre of the room. His wrists had been raw and bloody from the rope ties holding him there. Riza hadn’t even noticed when they brought him in. He had been unconscious and barely lucid when Ed managed to rouse him. A dislocated shoulder had been left for what looked like a couple of days and Ed had popped it back in while Al restrained him.

“Mustang was definitely worse for wear at that point because he barely even stirred,” Ed explained grimly, lips pressed tight. “He just groaned then almost passed out again.”

Al had used what little he had practiced of alkahestry to heal the shoulder enough so that Roy could move it and escape. The guards had never been alerted to their presence so they slipped out of the cells. It was only when they were out of Central Command did officers spot them. The brothers had done their best to keep Roy moving forward and conscious, but it was to no avail. They had ended up dragging him out of sight. A few minutes later he had passed out. From then on they made their way slowly and carefully back to the Keep, where Riza was already aware of what transpired next.

The sight of Ed and Al dragging Roy’s unconscious body through the main gate to the Keep would haunt her for the rest of the days. She winced every time she remembered seeing his knees scrape along the ground, his body completely a dead weight.

“Thank you.” Riza swallowed thickly and nodded. “Thank you for getting him out of there,” she whispered, her voice struggling to rise any higher in volume. “You may go, don’t feel like you have to stick around.”

Ed nodded and stretched, tiredness clouding his expression. He announced he was going to sleep and mumbled in agreement, muttering a quiet goodnight, when Al mentioned he would be there in a moment, causing Riza to turn to look at him both mildly surprised and expectantly.

“Hawkeye, I’m just glad we got him out of there.” Al swallowed, averting his eyes. “I know how much he means… to you.”

Riza stared at the younger brother, unable to deny his claim and not wanting to.

“I mean, he is a great asset to the resistance, but I know he means a great deal to you too,” he added, shooting her a knowing look and a soft, tired, smile. “He had a message. Asked me to pass it on to you.” Al passed on Roy’s message, patted her knee and stood, excusing himself and leaving Riza to stare dumbfounded after him.


	14. i saw the sun begin to dim and felt that winter wind blow cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more mentions of torture in this chapter, just fyi  
> enjoy a look into roy's pov and past in this chapter! this will probably be the only one in his pov  
> this chapter takes place while he is unconscious

**_i saw the sun begin to dim and felt that winter wind blow cold_ **

_A week ago_

“Stop this, Bradley,” Roy snarled at the Fuhrer. He had gone too far.

“No,” he barked back. “I will crush this resistance once and for all, mark my words. If you try and stop me then you are against me.”

“Look out!” Havoc cried from his right. Roy rolled away but not before another explosion ripped through the street. _Shit!_ He had lost sight of the brothers and Havoc. Where they had once stood lay a pile of rubble.

Bradley was too fast. There was no way they would come out of this alive. Combine that with Kimblee’s relentless explosions they would be dead in a few short minutes.

That couldn’t happen.

Roy wouldn’t let Bradley take Havoc away from Riza. From what he had heard the man had helped her through her trauma, something Roy was still unaware of. Judging from her actions the day the news of his aunt’s kidnapping dropped, he knew it was bad. Plus, Roy knew from an early age that people who couldn’t perform alchemy and who lived in Central were relocated to either the slums or the mines in the north or east. Riza hadn’t been taken there… Right? That revelation stirred up a knot in his stomach and his mind didn’t want to believe that possibility. She was too good… She _couldn’t_ have been.

Roy was ashamed to admit but he felt slightly jealous when he hadn’t been the one to comfort her. It was idiotic, he knew that, they had only been in each other’s company for a couple of weeks, but seeing how close she was with Havoc it made him wonder…

Still unsure of their relationship Roy knew one thing. Havoc couldn’t die here. Riza needed him and Roy would make sure that didn’t happen.

“So, what will it be, Mustang?” Bradley asked, tone far too confident for Roy’s liking. “This pathetic resistance, or me?”

If he continued to fight it would put the others in danger. There was still no sign of Havoc or the Elric brothers.

“Fine,” Roy replied, straightening from his defensive stance. “I’ll go with you.”

“Excellent,” Bradley smirked. Something told Roy it would be anything but.

Out the corner of his eye, Roy caught Kimblee bringing his hands together to activate a transmutation. He had a split second to react but that was all it took. All Roy saw was an explosion heading straight for Havoc who had shakily returned to his feet. The look on his face told Roy he had heard every bit of their conversation. Havoc looked betrayed and Roy didn’t blame him. He was returning to the enemy. _This will protect them_ , Roy told himself. Even if it bought them a few minutes or resulted in Bradley leaving the three assassins be for today, Roy would take it.

Roy snapped and intercepted Kimblee’s explosion. The flames fanned out and the force of it blew Havoc backwards. More rubble fell from the already destroyed building beside them, but Roy didn’t have much time to dwell on it.

“A bold decision,” Bradley smirked. In a flash he was on top of Roy. Pinned to the ground Roy gasped in pain at the impact. He struggled but Bradley had a knee pressing painfully down on his elbow, the other one on his chest. The pressure on his elbow was becoming too great, Roy felt like t might break. Judging by the murderous look in Bradley’s one eye, it was a possibility. “Interesting that you would choose to save their life and still fight us, despite agreeing to return to my side.” Bradley smirked. “I hope you understand the gravity of your actions.”

Roy felt his eyes widen slightly but something struck his head hard and he blacked out.

* * *

“Mustang?”

The voice calling to him was muffled, as if he was underwater. If he hadn’t been in so much pain he might have laughed. After the past few days – had it been a few days? One day? A week? Roy didn’t know anymore – he wouldn’t put it past Bradley to attempt drowning him to try and extract information about the resistance movement.

Something metal patted his cheek gently and he grunted in an effort to stop the irritating action, but his mouth wouldn’t work, tongue feeling like it was made of lead. His eyes cracked open and he saw his legs stretched out beneath him as he sat on the cold ground.

Oh, right. He was in the cell. His wrists burned behind his back, the course rope digging into the wounds painfully while the wooden post kept his spine straight and in an uncomfortable position. His shoulder – Roy was sure it was still dislocated – was entirely numb, the cold that had seeped into his entire being, the injury, and uncomfortable position making him lose feeling there days ago.

Roy knew he was dying. His brain barely seemed to function and he was losing consciousness more and more often now. Bradley would arrive and say a few words. Some Roy couldn’t even make out. Then he would close his eyes for what felt like a second and he would be gone.

At first he had feigned sleep but learned that lesson too quickly. The first time Bradley had stabbed him on the left side of his abdomen, the other end of his stupid fucking sword poking through his back and scraping against the ground beneath him. While Roy had gasped in pain, breaths shuddering through his body, Bradley had tried to extract information about the resistance but Roy was in too much of a haze of pain to even form a sentence, never mind reveal anything.

He never would.

Roy wouldn’t let this man harm those people fighting against this dictatorship. The man torturing him was responsible for his parent’s death. He had kidnapped his aunt. He was the reason Roy had lost Riza when she was only fifteen. He had yet to even find out what had truly happened to her. For her to want to supress it so badly, and to react to their discussion about the eastern mines like that, Roy had a very good fucking idea about what the men, under that bastards’ orders, had done to her when she had been dragged out of her home and away from him against her will.

As he had sat there, slowly creeping towards death in that cold cell, Roy had thought about Riza often. He remembered her smile when she was a teenager. It was something she didn’t show very often, but when she did it was often because of something _he_ had done, and that made him prouder than anything else in his life.

He thought of how the candlelight would cast a soft glow over her hair when they resided in the main room at night. She had been curled in a ball on the corner of the couch, far away from the view of the window to outside, her feet tucked underneath her body. Roy had respectfully kept his distance but when he caught sight of her in the dimming sunlight he was awestruck. He had blushed a deep red and buried his head in his book before she could catch him staring.

Seeing her again, now that she was a woman, she was beautiful. Riza held herself with such grace and elegance, something he knew would have been a result from her training as an assassin.

When he had found out she was part of the team responsible for killing the alchemists, he had been terrified. Bradley had flown into a rage, ready to declare alchemists to move out and essentially exterminate everyone who did not possess an aptitude for alchemy. Roy had been present at the meeting when this occurred. At the time he hadn’t thought much of it. Of course, he was horrified because that would mean people he cared about would be killed. No, not killed, _murdered_. It wasn’t right. _That_ was what solidified his course to join Hughes’ cause.

But it never occurred to him what Bradley would actually _do_ to those who were actually in the resistance. The man made sure he was aware.

“This is just a taste of what I will do to your fellow resistance members when I finally catch them,” he revealed, one cold eye staring down in disgust at Roy’s probably pathetic form. Roy spat blood onto the floor and glared defiantly at the man who was trying to break him. Roy would never break. He had people counting on him.

He wouldn’t give the resistance away. His aunt, Hughes, Havoc, Riza…

For their sake, he wouldn’t.

“Never fear Mustang, I have much worse ways of making them talk. I have alchemists who can make sure their death are _very_ slow and painful. It would be the icing on the cake to make you watch it.” Bradley raised a hand to his chin, expression becoming thoughtful. “Perhaps then you will talk.”

“Fuck… you…” Roy panted.

Bradley smirked. He straightened his spine, towering over Roy. “I always admired your confidence. Let’s see how far it will get you.”

Roy had been in the edge of consciousness when a doctor entered his cell to heal the wound on his abdomen. His head been bowed so he never saw the man, but the stench reeking off of him instinctively made Roy was to recoil.

He smelled of death.

A short time later Bradley had hoisted Roy up from the ground roughly, spitting in his face about the “resistance scum” and how when he found out who they were he was going to burn them all to hell. However the movement against his tightly bound hands caused something in Roy’s shoulder to snap and he felt it pop out of the socket.

“Will he die from that shoulder?” Bradley had asked, his one eye scrutinising Roy as he panted in pain against that damned post.

“No,” the doctor had shrugged.

“Then leave him.”

Roy hadn’t seen them again after that.

And now they were back, but this method of waking was much gentler than previously…

“Mustang!” a particularly irritated voice called to him.

Cracking open his non swollen eye Roy blearily peered into the gloom to find two kids in front of him. They were familiar to him… He had seen them about the Keep…

The Keep.

Riza.

“We’re getting you out of here,” the boy in the red jacket said. Edward had been his name. Roy had been introduced to them both the day they were ambushed. He remembered now. It took a while for the memory to reach him, but eventually it did.

The rest of it was a blur, except when Alphonse gently began to bring his hands around to his lap. Roy cried out in pain, his dislocated shoulder screaming in pain. A blue light flashed around him, filling his vision with it. Roy knew he was barely responsive at the minute, but that movement was enough to pierce through the fog of pain that had settled over his entire body.

The two spoke in hushed tones and the next thing Roy knew his shoulder popped once more, this time back in the socket. As he gasped in pain, both eyes flying open. He tried to scream, but it was a garbled noise. Something hard had been pressed in between his teeth. In his swollen eye he felt a shooting pain, but it was nothing compared to the shock he had experienced at the unexpected setting of his shoulder. He groaned loudly, trying to roll his body so it curved in protectively on itself, but his muscles wouldn’t obey.

Two hands were under his arms, guiding him as he stumbled, legs refusing to cooperate after being inactive for such a long time. The limbs tingled painfully as blood and warmth returned to them. The two boys continued to talk to him in hushed tones, trying to keep him awake as they moved.

The running had been the worst part. Roy almost tripped after every step. His vision greyed because he was in too much pain to do even think about remaining conscious, never mind running through the streets of Central to escape Bradley’s men who were in hot pursuit.

As he sat for what was sure his last time on the cold ground, Roy tried his best to get the words he needed to say out.

“Te…”

“What?” Al asked kindly, prompting him to continue. Ed was nowhere to be seen, but that wasn’t much to go on considering Roy could barely see past Alphonse himself.

“Tell… Ri…”

“Riza? Tell her what, Mustang?”

“Love…h…”

He blacked out.

* * *

_Ten years ago_

Roy strained against the hands holding him back in the foyer of the Hawkeye house. He growled at the officers who were chuckling at his display, but he didn’t care because _they were taking Riza away_.

“Let her go!” he raged, trying to wrench his arm from the hand of the man next to him. His grip clamped down and he tugged on Roy, jerking his body backwards. “She’s done nothing wrong!”

“She can’t perform alchemy,” the officer who appeared to be in charge stated, his tone bored.

“So?” Roy replied angrily. “That’s not her fault!”

“It’s against the law for someone who cannot perform alchemy to reside inside the city walls.”

Roy opened his mouth to retort but was enraged by the smirk on the speaker’s face. He strained once more with renewed energy. He flew from the officer’s hold and lunged at the man, reaching to punch him in the face where he fucking deserved it.

Only he never made it that far. His target sidestepped and punched him in the gut. Roy doubled over, coughing and retching on his knees on the floor. Stars danced in his vision. The bastard had some strength behind him.

“I would have thought you were aware of the law, Mr. Hawkeye.”

Roy looked up at his Master, expecting him to fight, to look angry, to do _something_ , but he was frozen. His expression was blank, eyes dead, staring at the closed front door. Roy’s breath caught in his throat. How _could_ he?!

“I will let this slide since Bradley needs your alchemy. The kid will be relocated to the slums as per protocol.” The officer looked pointedly at Berthold. “Don’t let this happen again.”

Roy watched the men’s swift exit. He sprung up to his feet, eyes ablaze as he turned to Master Hawkeye.

“How _could_ you!” he yelled. In the years he had been studying in the Hawkeye household Roy had caught up in height with his Master. They were eye to eye now. Cold, lifeless eyes were met with ones fuelled by fire and rage. Upon receiving no answer Roy scoffed and turned, exiting the townhouse and into the street. Frantically, he searched for the wagon or horses, but it was empty. Taking a chance, he ran left but after an hour of searching, Roy turned up nothing.

He had held onto the hope that they would be “just around this corner”, but the officers never materialised. His hope slowly dwindled and as Roy returned to the townhouse, dejected and miserable, he felt that hope leave him all together.

She was gone and he was responsible.

Disgust settled in his stomach as he thought about how _stupid_ he had been taking her through the house the other night. He should have been smart and blew out the candles. _Idiot_! Instead he had let his excitement take hold and didn’t think.

Now Riza had to suffer for his stupidity.

Roy sprinted to the nearest bathroom and vomited.

He may never see her again.

* * *

_Eight years ago_

“Any luck?” Chris Mustang asked from behind her bar. Roy strode into the bar, face blank and unemotional, as per the status quo nowadays. He had been in Central Command all day in meetings listening to unimportant people discuss unimportant things. His presence was only required because of his alchemy. Only the strongest were invited into Central Command. Bradley made sure to keep his powerhouses nearby and on a leash.

Roy shook his head and placed his jacket atop the bar, tapping it to signal he would like a drink. “How is he?”

“Lucid enough today. I don’t know how long it will last though.”

Roy nodded, thanking his aunt for the drink. Taking a sip of the whisky he relished in the way it burned down his throat.

Berthold shut down after Riza was taken away. Roy had searched and searched in the weeks following but it was difficult when he was still trying to learn flame alchemy and his Master had gone near-comatose. He just kept muttering “she’s gone” under his breath and had done the same ever since for the last two years. At least the man had been lucid enough at one point to reveal his secrets for flame alchemy. “It doesn’t matter now anyway,” Master Hawkeye had told him. “Nothing does.”

Madame Christmas had taken Berthold in once Roy learned flame alchemy. He resided in the rooms above her bar and spent his days pouring over alchemy books. _If only he poured that much energy into finding his daughter_ , Roy often thought to himself bitterly. Roy had tasked himself with that two years ago.

“You’ll never stop, will you Roy?” Chris asked. There was a hint of sadness in her voice and Roy knew it was because of all he had already suffered at the hands of Bradley.

“Never. She deserves that much.”


	15. you claim it's not in the cards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m going to post the next chapter at the same time as this one because i know this one is short! i wanted them kept separate because i wanted to keep the chapter titles (lmao) and felt it worked better splitting them
> 
> also, i couldn’t leave you hanging at a moment like this…. ;)

**_you claim it's not in the cards_ **

“Riza?” Roy called to her, his throat raw and voice gruff. She stirred in her chair, mind not properly realising who it was calling to her. She opened her eyes blearily, eyes finding Roy’s bed as they did every time she woke up. Her body ached from sleeping in the uncomfortable chair for a few hours before she moved to the cot next to Roy’s.

She shot up in bed, wobbling as she got to her feet and crossed the distance.

“You’re awake,” she breathed, kneeling by his head. Roy’s eyes fluttered closed as her hand found the top of his head, stroking his skin softly, and he sighed quietly in relief. The colouring was almost back to normal. His cheekbones were still red in places complete with the wounds he had been gifted by Bradley. The eye that had been swollen was back to its normal size but the skin around it was black. Marco had healed the break in his cheekbone as best he could with alkahestry, but it would still hurt like hell for a long time.

Riza was glad he was almost back to normal because the sight of Roy’s battered skin made her own body ache. She wanted to vomit every time she had seen the red and purple hues of his skin. Riza had been present when Marco changed the dressing on the wound on Roy’s abdomen. She did vomit then as her mind pictured him being skewered by Bradley. It had been healed crudely before Roy arrived. The burned flesh around the wound was the final straw for Riza. She hadn’t been able to get the image out of her head ever since.

Roy’s eyes found hers. She was overwhelmed. He was here with her. He had woken up.

He would be all right.

She almost kissed him. Riza had almost lost him and her emotions took control of her fragile state while she waited for him to wake up. That thought was the result.

Roy grunted softly underneath her touch, fighting to sit up. She placed a gentle, restraining hand on his chest.

“You need to rest,” she admonished. She was horrified by her realisation. That couldn’t happen. She couldn’t get involved with him, Riza _knew_ this.

“Riza,” he replied, voice desperate. “Please.”

She fought the urge that had almost come to fruition. Riza knew Roy had sensed it too, judging by the way he fought against her restraint. Roy didn’t have much strength after his ordeal and she was ashamed to admit she used that to her advantage. She needed out. She needed to escape.

“I’ll go and get Marco,” she replied, ignoring his eyes that were pleading her to stay. Riza snatched her hands back to her sides and stood, putting distance between them. “He’ll want to know you’re awake.”

“Riza.” He tried to grab for her hand but he hissed in pain. Riza blocked it out, wincing herself when her back was turned. “Wait, please.”

Marco entered the room before their conversation could continue. He gasped a surprised “oh!” and mumbled his apologies. Then he realised Roy was awake and his expression changed to business. Marco strode over to the bed and got to work, asking Roy all sorts of questions.

Riza had a decision to make.

Everything was screaming at her to remain by Roy’s side. The desperation in his voice and the pleading look in his eyes almost crumbled her resolve. The way he was completely ignoring Marco and his eyes were focussed on her. Riza forced the image from her mind, along with another emotion she saw in his eyes. A feeling that she didn’t want to acknowledge because she was terrified.

She made her feet carry her away.

It was one of the hardest things she had ever done but she would continue to do it if it meant protecting him from the wrath of Bradley. He had already been tortured, he and everyone else would argue, what more could Bradley do to him?

Kill her. Kill Roy.

There were numerous things that could happen, and her grandfather and Havoc just didn’t _get it._ They had it easy, they hadn’t fallen for someone who could get them killed.

She hadn’t been paying attention to where she was walking, and her feet ended up carrying her towards her room. To be honest, a couple of hours of solitude may do her the world of good, help her get her thoughts in order.

“Hey, Hawkeye,” Havoc greeted from outside his own room. The door closed quietly behind him. Dark circles ringed his eyes, signalling he hadn’t been sleeping well.

“Hello, Havoc.”

“How is he?”

Riza’s stomach tensed. “He’s awake.”

Havoc grinned. “That’s great.”

“Doctor Marco is in there now so I left to give them some privacy.”

Havoc raised a hand to the back of his neck, rubbing it nervously. “I was wondering if you could do me a favour.”

“Of course. Anything.”

“When you leave for your assignment, can you deliver this to one of the girls you are meeting?”

Riza blinked at him, noticing the light blush on his cheeks. Havoc had met a girl?

“Uh, sure. Of course.”

Havoc grinned. “She works for the Madame. She’s coming here in the next wave but… I wondered if you could pass this letter on.”

Riza felt a smirk spread across her face. The pain in her chest lightened during this brief reprieve from her inner turmoil and emotions. She was due to leave later that evening under the cover of darkness to transport the women under Chris Mustang’s care from her bar to the Keep to ensure their safety. No move had been made since the Madame’s prison break but it had been too long without any retaliation and Grumman didn’t want to leave them defenceless for any longer.

Glancing down at the envelope she saw the name “ _Rebecca_ ” written in Havoc’s scrawl. Looking back up at his face she grinned, seeing he was obviously smitten with this woman. When had he had the time to meet a girl?

“Of course. I’ll pass it on.”

“Thanks Hawkeye,” he replied, smile brighter than she had seen it in a while.

Riza located the woman when she arrived at the bar. Her long brown hair was tied up in a ponytail and she exuded confidence in everything she did. That exterior softened when she saw the letter Riza handed her. Rebecca took the envelope, holding it carefully and pressing it against her chest.

“He asked me to hand this to you,” Riza stated.

Rebecca’s smile was soft, gazing down at Havoc’s handwriting.

“Thank you,” she breathed. Boy, they were both in pretty deep. Again, Riza wondered where Havoc had found the time to court her. Not that she was entitled to know everything about her friend’s life, but Riza was genuinely curious. As far as she knew he didn’t really leave the Keep at all. With a shrug she brushed it off. She had other important things to do tonight, like help these woman find safety.

“Wait,” Rebecca added, grasping Riza’s forearm. “Can you take me with you? Tonight?” Her face was earnest, no doubt eager to see the man she clearly loved. That look surprised Riza more than anything. Deliberating, she didn’t see why not. The tunnel being used to get back to the Keep was in the next block over. One more person wouldn’t hurt.

“Yeah, sure,” Riza shrugged. She was baffled when Rebecca hugged her tightly.

“Thank you!” She darted away through the back room and disappeared, no doubt to collect her things, leaving Riza looking stunned in the main room of the bar.

The woman’s reunion with Havoc was heart-warming and left Riza wondering, once more, when it happened. Riza smiled to herself, giving the two some privacy while they spoke. Their words made her chest hurt because she realised just how alone she felt.

“I missed you,” Havoc murmured quietly to her.

“I’m so glad you’re okay.” Rebecca’s hand moved across his injured arm. “What happened?”

Riza left them to it. A part of her wished she had someone to fuss over her like that.

 _You_ _do_ , a voice in her head reminded her but Riza pushed that down. She couldn’t get involved. _Bury it. Bury it like you have done for years_.

It didn’t stop the ache in her chest from going away though.


	16. i'm not the one you were meant to find

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is the second part!

**_i'm not the one you were meant to find_ **

“Riza?” Havoc called to her from the door. She was buried under her work and had been for the last eight hours, finding anyway to force her feelings for Roy out of her mind.

 _This can’t happen_.

It repeated over and over inside her head, so she threw herself into her work in order to forget. She hadn’t been to see Roy in over a week and she was suffering for it. Her mind told her to keep her distance. Her heart yearned for him. Havoc kept her up to date on Roy’s condition – even though Riza childishly wished he wouldn’t – and her old friend didn’t look pleased at all about how she was handling the situation. She was running from her problems, like always.

“Go and see him,” Havoc demanded.

“I can’t,” Riza replied, tired of having the same argument. This was the final straw for him. Eight days since he woke and Riza had yet to see him. Apparently, he had been asking Havoc after her just to make sure she was all right.

“You _can_ , you just won’t.” His reply was harsh and Riza flinched. “Don’t try to fight me on this, Riza. You _know_ you want to. This isn’t just putting a strain on you, you know.”

“I can’t!” she shouted, finally snapping. Havoc watched her with a hard gaze while she exploded. “I _can’t_ go and see him because if something happens it will probably lead to my death!”

“You think you are unworthy of happiness,” Havoc stated.

“No –”

“You’re too scared to make yourself happy because of what you’ve experienced in your life.”

“Havoc –”

“Even though that man in there _loves you_ ,” he stressed, pointing in the direction of the infirmary. “You keep fighting it. _Why?_ Enlighten me because I’m really struggling to understand it here.”

“Stop it!” she shouted. Breathing hard the two stared each other down. She hated what Havoc was saying. Riza hated it because he was right. She was scared. Too scared to get involved with someone because if she did, they could unravel everything she had tried to keep at bay in her mind for years. All those fears and feelings she kept buried from her childhood would come loose because Roy was the only person who could draw that out of her. He had that power because she loved him and always had.

Riza was just too scared to finally face everything because if she did she would go back into those mines and she wasn’t sure if she was strong enough to face it a second time.

Before Roy returned to her after being tortured, she was sure she was, but the sight of his broken body almost broke _her_. Imagine what it would do to her if he was punished for being involved with her. It would be likely that, if it came to that, she would never know because she would be dead.

Until Bradley was finished nothing would happen. She just needed everyone to _understand_ that.

“Riza, I love you.” Havoc’s embrace was warm and inviting like always. “I want you to be happy. Why are you fighting it?”

“I’m scared,” she whispered against his chest.

“Roy won’t hurt you. You know that.”

She shook her head. “I do but it’s not that simple. It’s what Bradley would do to him, or what he would do to me, if we were discovered. I’d be in the spotlight with Roy being who he is in Bradley’s society. Well,” she corrected herself. “Who he was. Anyway, I can’t bear the thought of Roy being punished or killed because of me. Don’t ask me to go through that again.”

Silence descended on the duo as they stood in the empty dining room.

“I won’t ask you to do that. I’m just asking you to let yourself be happy.”

“I’m not stupid enough to be stressing about feelings for someone,” she mumbled, partly indignant. This wasn’t just about her “getting hurt”. She had already been hurt enough in her lifetime. Pain was like an old friend. “This is so much bigger than that.”

Havoc chuckled. “I know you aren’t, and I know this isn’t a straightforward situation. I’m not asking you to give up this fight or anything. All I _am_ asking is for you to give in to those feelings I know reside inside of you. I can see how much this is affecting you and I _know_ you’re keeping it all bottled up.” Riza tensed and Havoc’s arms gave her a quick squeeze, confirming that he knew he was right. “Talking will make you feel so much better if you do.” A knock at the door interrupted them. “There’s someone here to see you.”

Riza’s breath caught in her throat as Roy walked through the door.

Havoc grinned, apparently very pleased with himself, and slipped out of the room after giving her hand a quick squeeze. He slapped Roy lightly on the back amicably, mindful of his injuries.

“Hey,” Roy greeted quietly. He looked unsure of himself and also like she was a wounded animal who would bolt at any given opportunity. Riza laughed to herself. He wasn’t far off. “Can I talk to you?”

 _No_.

Riza nodded. If she spoke she would decline and run from the room.

There was no escaping this now.

Roy limped over to the chair next to her. Riza wanted to move to help him but any contact might make her crumple there and then. She was like a tightly wound string that with the slightest pressure would snap at any minute.

“When you were taken years ago, I was devastated,” he began, not meeting her gaze. Instead he opted to collect his thoughts by staring at the table. It was something safe to look at, its appearance unchanging. “I always thought it was my fault. I still do.”

“It wasn’t –” Riza began to protest but Roy interrupted her.

“It _was_. _I_ took you through the house that night. _I_ risked your safety because I was too excited to show you what I had just learned. It was incredibly foolish and I was too dumb to realise it at the time. Your father…” He struggled for the right words for a moment. “I never agreed with how he treated you. It was wrong, but at least he wasn’t stupid enough to parade his daughter through the house like I was.”

“Roy…”

“And when you were dragged away?” His bandaged hand clenched into a fist as best he could with his broken fingers. It made Riza feel nauseous once again thinking about it. Her mind cooked up a scene in her head of that event, of someone snapping his thumb and middle fingers. Riza could almost hear the screams. Her mind had been cruel to her these past few weeks. “I didn’t even do anything.”

“You were a kid,” Riza reminded him softly

“I’m so sorry, I should have done _something_. I should have done _more_ ,” he continued, as if he hadn’t even heard her.

“Roy, stop it.” Riza sat in the chair next to him, taking his injured hand in hers. “There was nothing any of us could have done, even my father.”

“He was a powerful alchemist,” Roy replied, tone bitter.

“And if he attacked Bradley’s officers,” Riza stressed. “They would have probably executed me on the spot.” Riza hadn’t really thought much about that reasoning but it all made sense. Especially now she had seen just how vile and evil Bradley could be to one of his own if they defied him.

“I’m just…” he sighed, hand beginning to tremble in hers. “I’m sorry,” he finally stated, voice hoarse. “I brought you nothing but pain for years and I’m _so sorry_.”

Riza shook her head. “You didn’t.” Finally, Roy met her gaze. She almost flinched at the sight of his black eye, her gaze immediately drawn towards it. “You brought me nothing but happiness.”

She was a hypocrite. Riza wanted to run and hide, keeping her memories and feelings buried inside her so that she wouldn’t break, yet here she was, opening herself up to Roy. She wasn’t ready to completely dive in head first, but this was the most progress she had made in the last ten years. If she had to chalk it up to something, it was probably because Roy knew her before all her suffering. He was a reminder of a simpler, happier time, and by revealing her feelings to him, maybe she could obtain that once more.

Perhaps she found herself opening up to him because she knew how he really felt about her. Al’s message had made that crystal clear, yet Roy hadn’t said those specific words to her. She hadn’t given him the chance.

However, she had to think about other, more practical things. Where would she be when he realised this was all hopeless? Because it was. She was still hunted as a resistance member and as someone who couldn’t perform alchemy. What happened when she let him in, and she was killed? That may destroy him, if his confession about her being taken ten years ago was any indication.

With a jolt of shock, Riza realised she had felt the same way when Roy was dragged through the gates of the Keep, half dead.

“You call this life happiness?” he asked.

“It isn’t paradise,” Riza began, feeling herself become defensive. She already knew Roy didn’t particularly approve of this life. “But I’m alive. I’m alive and living in Central City. Not a luxury people like me can afford.”

“You deserved better than this. I always thought you did.” His smile was sad and Riza felt herself stiffen. “I hate the fact that because I didn’t help it turned you into a killer.”

“And you think less of me for that?” Riza almost spat. She didn’t need him shitting on her right now.

“Never,” he shook his head immediately. “I just wish I could have saved you from all that heartache and abuse. You were supposed to be happy and I helped take that away from you.” Roy’s eyes finally met hers. “You deserved better than the hand life dealt you.”

Riza’s breath caught in her throat.

“You say you don’t want us to be together, you push me away, yet you stayed by my bedside the whole time I was unconscious. Why?” His tone was genuinely curious. Riza felt fear spread through her chest. She wasn’t ready for this. She wasn’t ready –

Roy smiled softly at her. “If you don’t want to answer, or you can’t, I won’t press you.” A hand lifted gently to her chin, tilting it up so she had no other choice but to look him.

Almost fearfully Riza met his gaze and gasped quietly at the look in them. It was a look she had longed to see for years. His eyes were eyes she had longed to see again for what felt like a lifetime. She wanted the comfort he had given her as a child. His touch was foreign and familiar to her all at once. The calloused hands, although wrapped in bandages, caressed her skin in a way that spoke of care and love, something she had craved her whole life.

Ever so slowly, he shifted an inch closer. When he spoke, she felt his hot breath caress her skin and Riza shuddered.

“Thank you, regardless,” he breathed. “Sorry to have worried you.”

Like a deer caught in headlights, Riza watched as Roy’s expression changed. Her mind was screaming at her both to run and embrace it. Her mouth twitched as Roy’s breath hit it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THE CLIFFHANGER BUT…… yeah sorry  
> tune in friday for the next one! :D


	17. you're here in my heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now you can finally be free from last chapter’s cliffhanger!
> 
> enjoy!

 

**_you're here in my heart_ **

Riza backed up quickly, a knife dislodging from her forearm and into the palm of her hand. Within two seconds she had a knife at Roy’s throat as he sat in the chair, but he didn’t look scared. There was mild surprise, but Riza saw another emotion in his eyes that scared her to death. She jumped away, the chair flying backwards, gripping the handle of the knife tightly in her palm. It dug into her palm.

_What just happened?_

No. No, this couldn’t happen. She was not that girl he had lived with anymore. She was a whole other person who killed people. Nobody loved a killer. Nobody loved a former slave. And yet, looking into his eyes she saw the same care she had found all those years ago as a child.

No. They were not meant to be together. He was an _alchemist_. Even if they did – and that was a big if – Riza would still be sought after by Bradley and his men. If she was in Central and unable to perform alchemy then she would be hunted like an animal, either killed or driven back to the slums “where she belonged” apparently. She already had been once.

 _Why_ did her heart yearn for him? _Why_ did it need to torture her like that? Those years of being apart had done nothing for the feelings that had begun to blossom in her as a teenager. She had only been fifteen, but Riza had known even then that there was something special about him. Roy had cared for her when no one else would and young Riza, especially after her upbringing, was very impressionable with things like this.

“I’m sorry,” she muttered, dropping the blade to the floor where it clattered against the stone. Her gaze stared down at that unforgiving stone, guilty for her actions. That was _twice_ she had done that now when he had shown her nothing but kindness. Well, there was that time he almost burned her with his alchemy when she had murdered Grand. Of course, Riza had been good enough to escape without a mark, but she had yet to quiz him about that event. It was a natural reaction, sure, but why had he followed her when he knew she was out there killing alchemists?

A question for another time.

“Riza.” She closed her eyes tightly, trying to block out how nice it was to hear his rich voice say her name _that way_. Like she was the only person in his world that mattered. Like everyone else could leave him, but he wouldn’t care, so long as she was by his side.

“We can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because we _can’t_.” Her eyes flashed open. “Do you forget what I am?”

The chair scraped against the floor. Lifting her gaze, her eyes were met with his, which were unreadable as he stepped towards her, movements even slower this time. He stretched out a hand and placed it on her neck, his thumb coming to rest beside her ear. She closed her eyes both fighting against her tears and relishing in the way his thumb stroked her skin. He didn’t move any closer, learning his lesson from her knee jerk reaction to someone getting closer than she wanted. Well, closer than her brain wanted her to. Her heart, however, wanted to throw her arms around his neck and embrace his warmth and comfort.

“In this society… In this country I’m nothing. I’m worse than nothing, I don’t even deserve to be alive.” Riza pushed back and moved a step away, running a hand through her hair agitatedly.

“All I see is the woman I love.”

Something inside her broke.

“It’s no secret,” he murmured. She shivered as his voice dropped low. Her tears finally fell down her cheeks and Roy closed the distance as quickly as his injuries allowed, his thumbs wiping the tears away tenderly. This, of course, made more tears fall. He had always cared for her. “I wasn’t lying when I said I’d thought about nothing else for the last ten years. I felt so much guilt for not doing anything. I searched for you for so long.”

“You shouldn’t have,” Riza replied, voice barely above a whisper.

“I had to.”

“You _didn’t_ ,” she insisted. “I will bring you nothing but trouble. Not as I am.” Riza barked a humourless laugh. “I already have.”

“You’re perfect to me,” he murmured, brushing her fringe behind her ears. “Always have been.” Riza opened her mouth to protest, but Roy cut her off. “I don’t care about all of that. The world tried to pull us apart once before and I was powerless to stop it. Now I’m not.”

“Roy, please,” she pleaded.  She wanted him to stop but wanted him to keep going as well. Such a contradiction. Her brain and her heart were pulling her in two different directions and the longer this dragged on the more she was wearing thin.

“I mean it.” He pulled her against his body, tucking her head under his chin. Strong arms wrapped around her and one of his bandaged hands found her head. “You’ve always been in my heart. Especially since the day you were taken away.” He chuckled, the sound resounding in her ear, making her stomach flutter. “Fate already tried to pull us away once. I won’t let it happen a second time, but only if you let me.”

Slowly, he shifted his arms and tilted her head back so he could see her face. His gaze flicked down to her lips, then back up. Unable to stop herself, Riza replied to his request with a tiny nod, despite being terrified. Slowly he brought his lips to hers, head bowing forward to lower it down towards her. Riza felt a flurry of emotions. Fear, anticipation, desire, and hope. His lips were soft against hers and it felt like a jolt of electricity flew through her entire being. It felt like she had been awoken from a deep sleep.

In response to him, Riza brought both hands up to his neck, wrapping her arms around it to draw him closer. She kissed him with an intensity that had resided inside her for years, only to be awoken when she saw him again for the first time a few months ago.

“Riza,” he murmured quietly after they parted, nose brushing against hers, breath caressing her skin. “I’ve waited years to do that.”

She smiled as she choked back a sob. A tear fell down her face, falling down her cheek where Roy promptly swiped it away with his thumb as he smiled lovingly at her. Oh, how she had longed to hear him speak to her in that way.

“I love you. I always have and I won’t hide it any longer.” Riza’s ability to breathe almost stopped completely. “I won’t push you,” Roy added, his hand cupping her cheek. “But I have an inkling you feel the same way. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be pushing me away so much.” He chuckled to himself. “And you wouldn’t have done that,” he added with a smirk, referring to her reaction to his kiss.

Damn, he saw right through her. Riza had always hated how he had been able to do that as a kid. The cocky older teenager had been a nightmare to live with at the best of times, but he dropped it when she needed him to. Roy had cared more for her than her own father after her mother’s passing.

“You think I don’t want to love you?” she whispered. There. It was out in the open. A thrill flew through her stomach and weight lifted from her shoulders. “You think I didn’t want to run to you every time I saw you?” The words were tumbling out now and she couldn’t stop it. “But there are other things to think about first.”

“I know, but we are the only people who can decide our happiness. Not society, not Bradley, _us_.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“But it _is_ ,” he stressed, arms tightening around her frame. Once more, she had been dragged into his embrace and Riza found herself liking it here. It was safe. Different from Havoc’s, but still just as comforting. “We love each other and, if you’re willing, we can make this work. You have owned my heart for years, Riza. That’s not going to change.”

“It isn’t that easy,” Riza whispered. She would hate to burst his bubble, but it _was_ easy for someone in his position not to truly see what was going on in the world. He hadn’t been a victim of it. “You think it is because you haven’t truly seen the true consequences of what it means to be like me. You’re gifted with alchemy and are already on the top rung of the ladder.”

“Well,” Roy chuckled to himself. “Not anymore.”

Riza’s eyes squeezed shut. How could he be so blasé about his own torture? Electing to ignore it, Riza pressed on. “We’ll be fine in here but what happens out there? Every assassin here is prosecuted because they can’t perform alchemy, and do you not remember what happened ten years ago?” Her voice was picking up in strength, all her reservations and reasoning about them finally pouring out. “Don’t ask me to be dragged away from you again.”

“I’m not.” He squeezed her gently before backing up to look in her eyes. Once more, Riza saw nothing but love there. “I would _never_ let that happen again. _You_ were the one person I was meant to find, no matter how much you deny it.” Riza’s eyes widened slightly in surprise and he smirked. “That’s why you keep pushing me away. Let’s do this together, Riza, please. Don’t push me away any more.”

That was easier said than done. Her mind was struggling against itself, pitting her need for distance so they wouldn’t become too close and her want to love him like he obviously did her, against each other. If he came too close, he could unravel her completely. He was already halfway there. Those walls she had spent years building to protect her mind from herself would come crumbling down and it may leave her a complete mess. However, she _wanted_ to be loved and she wanted Roy to do it. Like so many other things, she had kept those feelings buried. Old wounds had opened when he appeared in her life again.

“We’ll do it together. I’m already on Bradley’s shit list. If we fight together then nothing can stop us, but you _must_ stop fighting me and yourself first. Let me help you,” he added softly, his hand securing against her neck, gently bringing their foreheads together. “Riza, please,” he begged. “I just want you to be happy and I can see you are suffering. Let me help you.”

Despite their confession and the sincerity she saw in Roy’s eyes, the future wasn’t set in stone. They could promise each other everything and that could all come crumbling down tomorrow. Always the pessimist, Riza couldn’t shake the distinct feeling that this bond they shared was bound to break and there was nothing she could do about it. Her hands were tied. Roy was _so sure_ this would all work out, but he didn’t know how cruel the world really was. Only time would tell how this would all work out, but why did Riza still feel sick to her stomach?

With Roy holding her tightly, his arms wrapped tightly around her body, he banished her fear away for the time being.

“I’m not asking for everything. I don’t need to know your past,” he added, as if finally realising the reason for her hesitation. “I would like to help you because I know how much it still affects you to this day. A better understanding of it would assist with that, but I know I’m not entitled to it. You can pick what you want to share and if that’s nothing at all, that’s fine with me.”

Riza felt herself finally relax.

“Okay,” she whispered quietly. Roy tensed and Riza felt the slightly increased grip of his fingers against the back of her neck. The room was silent and Riza wondered if he had heard her. In all honesty she had surprised herself. Had she just agreed to let someone else in? Havoc had always told her she should, but there was only one person in her life that she wanted to give that to. That person was in front of her now.

“Let’s do it,” Riza announced. “Together.”

Roy smiled brightly, true happiness shining through and Riza was dazzled by it.

“I won’t rush you,” he murmured, lips finding her forehead. “But know that whenever you need me, I’ll be there. If you need months or years, I’ll give that to you. I won’t ask you to dive in headfirst right now.”

Riza smiled to herself. That’s all she had ever wanted and Riza was glad he understood. “Thank you.”

This time, her arms wrapped around his back while Roy held her. The pair of them moved as Roy rocked her gently, whispering how sorry he was about what happened over and over again. Riza let herself bask in the comfort despite the fear coiling in her chest about what she had just agreed to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooohhhhh???


	18. we're walking the tightrope, never sure, never know how far we could fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay a brief break from the angst (and more character intros... [eyes emoji])

**_we're walking the tightrope, never sure, never know how far we could fall_ **

Havoc lunged for her and Riza dodged to her left, forcing him onto his weaker side. He swung, a great arching swing that was so unlike his usual fighting style. Havoc usually kept his weapon close to his body, opting for short, sharp thrusts. Mildly surprised, Riza pivoted out of his reach, ducking under his arm and landing a jab to his ribs. With a grunt, Havoc swung and jumped back out of reach.

“That’s a new move,” Riza commented, panting slightly. They had been sparring for hours in the tunnels under the Keep. It was quiet and they were undisturbed down here.

It felt good to expel all her pent-up energy, but she was tiring. Havoc surprised her with his stamina as well. Riza theorised he would have taken a rest hours ago, but he never tired. She saw the determination in his eyes though. This was the first chance he’d had to train since sustaining his injury. There was no way he was going to pass it up.

While strategy was not his strong point, he was an incredibly skilled fighter. Havoc’s will and drive to fight was a great source of strength that Riza found herself drawing on from time to time.

“Something I’ve been working on,” he panted, a smirk on his face as their blades continued to clash together.

“With who?”

“Fuery. The kid has some bright ideas.”

“I’m impressed.”

“With me?” Havoc replied raising an eyebrow with half a smirk as he lunged once more. Another arcing blow flew towards her. Riza feinted then stabbed once more to his weak side. Havoc skipped, using his momentum to bring both feet together before raising his blade to parry her attack, never losing his balance. Riza smiled at his progress, proud of her friend. She faltered to a natural stop, finally lowering her blade.

“No, with Fuery.” Riza smirked at his mildly affronted look. “I’m surprised he came up with an idea like that. By extending your reach farther than normal you open up that side but with your arm strapped up like that, you’re relatively safe from harm, so to speak.”

“The kid’s smart. Too smart.” Havoc took the waterskin that Riza offered him with thanks. “He would have gone far in the world.”

Riza smiled, knowing Havoc’s words rang true. “If the world was different, yes.” They sat on the stairs leading up to the dining hall of the Keep. Both finally relaxed, bodies sagging against the stone. The concrete was worn under her hands due to the traffic that came its way over the years. The Keep had formed here nine years ago, shortly after Havoc and Riza’s extraction from the mines and with over thirty assassins moving in and out daily around the city, these tunnels were well used.

“It’s up to us to change it then,” Havoc stated. “For his sake, and for the sake of all the other kids in Amestris.”

Riza nodded in agreement. “They don’t deserve to go through what we did. We need to make sure nobody else goes through that.”

“Right.” Havoc stood, offering Riza a hand. “When do you move out?”

Hauling herself to her feet, Riza felt anticipation prick her skin at the looming deadline. “A week.”

Havoc nodded, his expression changing to one that looked mildly uncomfortable. “I don’t like the idea of you all going ahead without me.”

“Neither do I,” Riza admitted. She really didn’t want to entertain the idea of leaving Havoc behind while she headed off into Central to try and draw out Bradley and take him down, but this was her reality now. It was about time she opened herself up to it, rather than denying what she was feeling.

Next week, Riza and ten others would move into Central to ten different predetermined spots within the city. Bradley was moving east and there was to be a parade through the city for some bizarre reason where all State Alchemists were required to attend. Well, Riza had thought with a smirk, all the alchemists who were left. Their numbers had halved since the resistance started and while Riza was not proud about taking a life, those alchemists were the ones who were the cruellest to her people. She knew, Riza had seen them in action in the mines, murdering innocents.

A commotion sounded from further up the tunnels. Havoc and Riza shared a look before shifting to a defensive stance, eyes peering into the gloom.

What surprised them both was Edward walking towards them, half carrying a limping teenager who had his arm around Ed’s shoulder.

“Ed?” Havoc questioned, his surprised clear on his face. “Is this becoming a habit of yours?” Riza almost flinched at his joke. The memory of an unconscious and beaten Roy being dragged across the ground flashed into her mind.

. “Who’s this?” she questioned, moving towards the pair.

The boy was of Xingese descent. His white trousers and yellow jacket were stained with blood, giving her reason to believe there was a wound underneath his clothes, out of sight. A hand was pressed over his left side, over a bandage.

“The name’s Ling,” the newcomer replied, his tone confident and cheery, belying any pain he held for his obvious injuries. “Ling Yao.”

The surname drew Riza up short. An image of a Xingese woman flashed in her mind’s eye. The room was dark and cold, a draught flooding in from the bars to their cell. Havoc was on the floor, lying on his stomach, lacerations covering his back from a lashing he received earlier that day. Riza was crying silently, on her knees beside him. A woman worked beside them both, her hands expertly treating his wounds. She softly asked Riza to watch at the bars for the guards. The only way Havoc would survive would be if she performed alkahestry to close his wounds. Infection was ripe in the mines, after all. Nobody cared about them, so no guard or officer would try and save her friend.

Nobody except from this kindly woman who looked at Havoc and Riza as if they were her own children.

Li Yao.

Riza shook herself, taking a deep breath. _Havoc is okay_ , she repeated in her head. Exhaling in a rush she looked over towards Havoc. He looked stricken, eyes looking far off into the distance at something the two teenagers couldn’t see, but she knew well enough what he was thinking. What he was remembering.

Despite the fact Li could use alchemy, or alkahestry as the Xingese called it, she had still been in there and Riza had been confused as to why. As Riza had left the mines and after living in Central, Riza had a pretty clear idea why Li had been in there. Central and Amestris’ other main cities had a distinct lack of other cultures. Everyone was Amestrian. There were no Xingese, no Drachmans, Cretans, or Aerugonians… It didn’t take a genius to figure out why the number of Ishvalans in the mines had increased exponentially during Riza’s time there, and why now the region of Ishval was now almost deserted.

Bradley’s regime was bad enough to begin with when it only targeted Amestrians, but over the twenty years of his tyranny, Riza had noticed a trend that the other cultures had slowly been phased out. So slowly, that she didn’t even notice it at first. It was only after Scar told them his story that Riza realised it all made sense now.

Havoc had begun to tremble next to her.

“Havoc?” Ed asked him. “Are you okay?”

Riza quickly spun and _really_ looked at her partner. His good hand was clenched by his side, the fist shaking. His breathing had picked up, body shuddering as he let loose a deep sigh.

“Havoc,” Riza coaxed gently, trying to draw him back to her. She turned to Edward. “Take him into the Keep. We’ll join you shortly.” Her command left no room for argument.

“Ah… Okay,” Edward agreed, recognising their need for privacy. “But we have two others coming behind us.”

Riza’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “Who?”

“Young lord!” a female voice called from the gloom. Beside Riza, Havoc’s body begun to shudder. _Shit_. She needed to get him out of here.

“Change of plan,” Riza stated abruptly. She reached up to the top of the stairs and undid the hatch, pushing it open with all her might in her haste. “Stay here.”

The boy, Ling, begun to protest but Ed hushed him. Riza steered Havoc up the stairs, his feet tripping on two of the steps. Thankfully, the dining room was empty. Promptly pushing him into a chair, Riza glanced towards the trapdoor that shut with a bang, silencing the protests from below. The noise seemed to pierce through Havoc’s trauma, and he flinched. Blinking, he slowly returned to the room and to her.

“You’re safe,” Riza told him, voice soft as she coaxed him back. She grasped his hand tightly and with a gasp, Havoc returned the pressure, the action squeezing her fingers. It was like he was hanging on for dear life. Riza’s other hand moved to cover his. It had been a while since Havoc had experienced an episode. Riza couldn’t remember the last time. It was much longer than hers, anyway.

“I’ve got you,” Riza murmured, thumb brushing over his knuckles, an action she knew calmed him. “We’re at the Keep. We’re in the dining room. You were just talking to Edward Elric.”

“I can’t –” he stuttered, sucking in more air.

“It’s okay, take all the time you need.”

“The kid said Yao,” Havoc got out eventually. “Do you think…?”

“I don’t know,” Riza replied, shaking her head. “I hope not. Xing is a big country, but he’s the right age if he is her kid.”

“Oh, shit.”

“Havoc,” Riza commanded his attention, voice stronger. “Don’t think about that right now. We can deal with it later –”

“I keep seeing her face. She healed your wounds,” Havoc choked out. “She healed mine. She saved our lives and… and…”

 _And she died_.

The door the room opened and Falman stepped through, freezing in his tracks, one foot poised in the air. His eyes met Riza’s and she mouthed a message to him. “Get Rebecca.” Falman nodded and turned on his heel, closing the door quietly behind him.

Perhaps the woman he loved would be able to help settle Havoc.

“Jean, I’ve just asked Falman to bring Rebecca here –”

“ _No_.”

“What?”

“No, she can’t come here.” Havoc shook his head. His hand, that had stopped its trembling begun once more, more violent this time. “She can’t see me like this,” he stressed. Wild eyes bored into hers.

“She can help,” Riza offered gently. “I know how much you love her, I see that when you look at her.” Riza had been extremely surprised to see just how deep they were in with each other. They both acted as if they had known each other years. Riza had still to discuss that with Havoc, not that she had nay right to the information, but it had piqued her curiosity immensely. “Think about her. Think about how much you love her,” Riza told him. That’s what she did with Havoc. Their friendship and how much he helped her had gotten her through every trauma inflicted on her in adulthood so far.

“She _can’t_.” Havoc jumped from his chair and begun to pace. It was a wild, frantic movement.

“Havoc.” No response. “Havoc, _stop_.”

He did, and when his eye’s met Riza’s she felt her heart break for him.

“She can’t,” he whispered, voice breaking.

Riza pulled him into her embrace. The two held each other as they often did, tightly, like they were back in that dark, cold space. Back then it had partly been to share body heat, the other part for comfort.

“ _Don’t_ be ashamed of this. Being like this isn’t your fault.”

“I just… I need to keep her separate. I can’t let this darkness touch Rebecca. She’s too good for that.”

“It’s going to happen, Jean, whether you like it or not. Besides, I won’t always be here. You need to get someone close to you –”

“ _Stop_ talking as if you’re going to die,” he replied fiercely. The hold on her tightened. Silence fell over them, the tension in the air growing thick. Havoc was daring her to continue but it was the truth. Riza was just as terrified of losing him as Havoc was her, but that was the reality of this fight. Havoc had accepted that but hadn’t accepted the fact that she would actually be _gone_. Riza knew because she felt the same way.

“I might –” she began.

“I won’t let that happen.”

“Jean…”

“I _won’t_. Like _you_ said, we ‘ve put too much into this fight to get nothing out of it. I’ll do everything in my power to ensure you make it. You need to see the future we’re fighting for and I won’t accept anything less, Riza.”

Riza turned her head to lay her cheek against his shoulder. She smiled, admiring his strength and certainty that they would both make it.

“She’s going to see this side of you sometime. You have to let Rebecca in at some point,” Riza whispered against his shoulder.

“Like you have with Mustang?” he challenged. He was right. However, little did he know, Riza _had_ let Roy in. The pair hadn’t actually seen each other much recently, but she had agreed to let him in. Riza had told Roy she needed some time to compile her thoughts, and he had given that to her. Roy Mustang was too good to her.

Havoc was that good too and Riza wanted him to be happy. He deserved to love someone like Rebecca. Loving Rebecca wouldn’t get him killed, unlike Riza.

“You told me I needed to let more people in,” Riza reminded him. “Take your own advice.”

“Only if you do it too,” he retorted.

“Only if you do,” she fired right back.

The two were quiet then Riza laughed at the absurdity of their childish bickering, Havoc joining in shortly afterwards.

“I know it’s hard for you, Riza,” Havoc added. At least he had calmed down. It had worked, drawing his attention away from the possibility of that kid in the tunnel below was a relative of the woman who had saved both their lives time and time again in the mines. “Unlike me, the person you love can get you killed.” At least he understood her situation. “But it doesn’t mean you don’t get to be happy. If you love Mustang that much, you’ll take the risk. If he’s worth it, you’ll do it.” Riza’s grip on his shirt tightened.

“You’re right,” she whispered.

“What did you say?” he asked after a pause, partly in wonder as he pulled back to see her face. Riza didn’t blame him, it wasn’t like her to agree with him regarding revealing her true feelings, or any emotion in fact.

“He _is_ worth it.” She smiled to herself, unable to stop the small action from spreading across her face, warmth flowing through her body. “And I did.”

She felt him stiffen. “You let him in?” he asked.

A smile blossomed on her face – a _true_ smile – slowly after she finally admitted it out loud to someone. Yes, she had let someone other than Havoc in. “I did.”

Havoc blinked, then a proud grin spread across his face. He pulled her into a bone crushing hug. “I’m so proud of you,” he whispered.

A knock on the door drew them away from their moment.

“Um, Jean?” Rebecca called to them. Riza pulled away from her old friend, shooting him a smile. He had someone else who could help him now and Riza was extremely happy for Havoc. Riza also knew how it must look, the two of them in an embrace like that. It pained her slightly to part from him so soon, but Rebecca would take care of Havoc now, she was sure. At least Riza could rest tonight knowing that if anything happened to her, he would have someone to keep him right. Anticipation and anxiety coiled in her stomach at the thought of her upcoming mission.

“Hey, Rebecca,” he smiled, his expression soft. Her uncertainty seemed to dissipate as Havoc kissed her. Riza had never heard him speak that way to anyone before either. She found it incredibly adorable.

Havoc had always been her person. He had reassured Riza that would _never_ change, he had been adamant about that fact, but it was good to have two people. Especially someone he loved like Rebecca.

“Just because I’m with Rebecca,” he had begun with haste when they had spoken a few days ago, as if afraid Riza would think otherwise. “It doesn’t change the fact that I’ll _always_ be here for you, Riza, okay? We got out of those mines together and I won’t abandon you after everything we went through. So, if you ever need me, just let me know. For as long as I live, I’ll never forget what you and your grandfather did for me. I’m forever in your debt.”

“Hey, Hawkeye!” she heard Ed holler from beneath them. Rebecca jumped from the sudden noise. “Are you gonna let us in or what? Ling’s bleeding out down here!”

Witnessing their tender moment made Riza want to go and see Roy. In fact, the need burned within her even more now. They needed to talk. Seriously needed to. Perhaps now was the time to do it?

“Hey!” Ed yelled, his banging growing more insistent. “Don’t tell me you guys left us down here!”

Rolling her eyes, Riza chuckled quietly to herself and lifted the hatch.


	19. all i want is to fly with you, all i want is to fall with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the calm before the storm.....

**_all i want is to fly with you, all i want is to fall with you_ **

“I’m Ling Yao, of Xing,” the newcomer stated cheerily. He was fifteen, the same age as Edward, and apparently here in Amestris to search for someone. “This here,” he jerked his thumb to the two people on the other side of the bed in the infirmary. “Are my bodyguards, Lan Fan and Fu.” The two figured clad in black robes and masks simply stared at Grumman and Riza, offering no greeting.

He had been picked up Edward in the forests to the east, nearby one of their tunnel entrances. Ling had been snooping around when Ed caught them. The pair had spoken briefly, Ed told them, argued more like, Lan Fan corrected before returning to her silent state. Ed had huffed then returned to his story. Upon seeing his injury, Ed had brought him back here to get help.

“You brought three strangers into the Keep using one of our covert entrances,” Grumman stated, tone neutral.

“Yeah,” Ed replied after a beat, beginning to look irritated that Grumman hadn’t been listening. _Oh, Ed, that wasn’t what he was getting at._

“You brought three people you _just met_ , not knowing what their motives are, into the Keep.”

“… Yeah.” Ed dropped the irritated look. His expression looked sheepish. “They can’t perform alchemy,” he supplied as a peace offering, but it did nothing to lessen Grumman’s irritation at Ed’s rash decision. Riza could understand it. The Keep was still on lockdown after the attack. The last thing they needed was bringing strangers into their hideout. It was stupid but it had saved the boy’s life.

“Perhaps we should hear them out?” Riza offered. Grumman looked at her sharply and Riza shrugged. “They’re here now. Where’s the harm in it?”

Her grandfather sighed before agreeing. In that moment Riza could see the strain he was under. Weeks on, there were still two assassins missing with no word. They had yet to give up hope, but as time dragged on it was becoming more and more likely they were either dead or in the mines.

The door behind them opened and Olivier walked in.

“Sorry I’m late,” she offered.

“Not to worry, Armstrong,” Grumman replied, waving away her apology. “Ling here was just about to tell us why he’s here.”

“I’m here to search for my mother.”

Riza’s stomach tightened. _It couldn’t be_ … She had almost forgotten about her brief discussion with Havoc yesterday. Riza gave herself a shake. Yao was a popular name. Just because one person shared it with Li, didn’t mean that they were related to her. It still didn’t stop the memory from being dragged up though.

“Oh? Where is she?” Grumman asked.

Ling faltered, expression falling. “We don’t know. Fu told me she disappeared ten years ago.” That unsettling ball in her stomach began to grow. Grumman looked sympathetic. Regardless, that was a long time to be missing for. “He took Lan Fan and I to Xing where we would be safe. We visited her old home but were attacked by Amestrian soldiers.”

“Your country does not take well to outsiders, does it?” Fu questioned, his stare pointed. The mask hid his expression, but Riza could tell from his tone that he knew well enough why that was.

“No,” Grumman answered unabashedly. “It doesn’t. That’s something we are trying to change.” He gestured to himself and his fellow assassins.

“Oh?” Fu asked, his voice carrying a mildly interested inflection to it.

“Yes. You’re welcome to stay here and rest while your injuries heal,” her grandfather offered. “But I won’t ask you to join this fight. If you do require help in your search, I may be able to spare some manpower, but not until about two weeks’ time.”

 _Right. Half of us might be dead by then_.

“What’s happening in two weeks’ time?” Ling asked. His expression changed, becoming more serious. His face set, eyebrows drawing together slightly.

Grumman was silent as he regarded Ling. “That’s nothing you need to concern yourself with. Feel free to make use of our infirmary and I will have a set of rooms made ready for you. Armstrong? Can you find Rose and ask her staff to ready three of our guest rooms?”

“Right away, sir.” Grumman was hot on Armstrong’s heels out of the door, no doubt not interested in drawing these people into this country’s absurd and evil politics.

“What was your mother’s name?” Riza asked, unable to stop herself. Her hand was on the door handle when she did pause. She couldn’t leave the room not knowing. In order to settle the sensation in her stomach, she needed to know for sure.

“Li Yao.”

Riza nodded, feeling tears prick at her eyes, and left the room.

“Oh, shit,” she breathed, leaning against the wall by the door.

“Are you okay?” she heard Roy ask to her right. Riza jumped – an action so unlike her – and one of her hidden blades flew into her palm as a natual reaction. However, her arm never raised higher than chest height, for she realised who it was. She had drawn a blade on him twice now. The mark on his neck had healed nicely, but there was a faint scar. The sight of it tightened that knot inside her stomach even tighter, making her feel sick.

“Yes,” she replied, straightening and sheathing her knife. “I’m fine.”

They hadn’t spoken much since their last conversation. After Edward returned with Ling Riza had been kept busy with setting them up in the infirmary and then her hopes for a reunion were dashed when Grumman requested that she catalogue another group of women who had been brought in from Christmas’ Bar. The last group was yet to arrive, and would tomorrow, but that group would also include her father. Grumman had allowed Roy to travel with Chris back there in order to explain what the situation was to her father. Riza didn’t like the idea – Bradley and his men had already tried to kill Roy once – but, apparently, they would be the only ones Berthold would listen to.

“Who’s in there?” Roy asked, nodding to the door she was still leaning against. Riza pushed off it.

“A kid from Xing that Ed brought in.”

“That’s… Not what I expected you to say,” he blinked.

Riza shrugged. “With Ed, that’s usually the case. Same with Al, except instead of people, it’s a stray animal.”

Roy chuckled and Riza found herself thrown off by it. It was the first time she had heard him laugh properly in a long time.

“Anyway, that’s not why I came to find you.” Riza felt her stomach flutter at the thought that he had sought her out specifically. “I was wondering if we could talk? Tonight?”

“Actually, yes, there’s something –”

“Hawkeye?” she heard Grumman call to her, poking his head around the corner of the hallway. “Can you meet me in my office in ten minutes, please?”

Resisting the urge to roll her eyes at the ill times interruption, Riza nodded and dutifully agreed to her grandfather’s meeting.

“What were you going to say?” Roy asked, a smile on his face. Riza liked that smile. She liked it a lot. It reminded her of when she was young and they were getting up to something they probably shouldn’t be doing, like sneaking out onto the roof of her father’s townhouse at night to try and get a peek at the stars.

Roy hadn’t changed that much since he was a teenager. He’d grown more muscular, growing into his once gangly arms and legs, and he had shot up in height. He was only a few inches taller than her now, but as teenagers they had been equal in size.

“Ah, nothing,” Riza replied, but not without a quick smile. “I’ll tell you about it tonight.”

“Okay. I look forward to it,” he grinned before sauntering off. Riza continued to watch his retreat, the smile only falling from her face once he was out of sight. The knot in her stomach was back with a vengeance because she knew what she had to do.

She was going to tell someone about her time in the mines. The only thing standing between her and the reveal was her meeting with Grumman.

Ling Yao was still in the infirmary when Riza was finished speaking to her grandfather. Anticipation pricked her skin as she entered the thankfully quiet room. Her stomach was a roiling mess now and had been since Riza had made her decision. This was not the first person she had opened up to about her past, however it was the one person who had the right to know. Also, talking to a stranger may be more beneficial. Ling didn’t know her, and she didn’t know him. Riza just wanted to give the kid some closure about his mother.

“Hello, Hawkeye,” he greeted cheerily, a bright smile on his face. “How are you this evening?”

“I’m all right, Ling. How’s that wound?”

“Oh, fine,” he replied casually. Riza briefly wondered what his whole story was. How had he ended up in Amestris in the first place? There was a massive desert between Amestris and Xing, how had the three of them crossed it?

“I was wondering if I could speak to you for a moment?” Riza’s gaze flicked to her right, where there was the softest sound of fabric shifting. “In private?”

Ling regarded her for a moment before nodding. “Lan Fan?” The girl materialised out from behind a curtain a second later. “Can you give us a minute?”

She was silent for a moment, clearly unhappy with the request. Riza understood, for all she knew they were in enemy territory. Without another word she disappeared again. Riza rose a questioning eyebrow at Ling.

“Don’t worry, she will honour your request.”

“How do I know that?”

“Because I asked her to. Now,” Ling began, clearly not one to waste any time. “What can I do for you?”

Riza almost couldn’t get the words out. Almost. Expecting a stutter over the words or them to catch in her throat, Riza was surprised when they left her effortlessly.

“I knew your mother.” Ling stared at her for a long time. When it was clear he wasn’t going to reply, Riza continued. “I knew her, so did Havoc. She saved our lives more times than I can count. I…” Riza dropped her gaze, her emotions threatening to get the best of her. “I never properly got to thank her for that.”

“My mother was in the eastern mines.”

Silence reigned in the infirmary as the two regarded each other. From the look in Ling’s eye it was clear he had known this all along. He had just wanted to see if anyone knew any other information. Riza had fallen right for it.

“Yes.” Now the words threatened to choke her. “Yes, she was.”

“For how long?”

“I… I don’t know. We…” Riza swallowed before trying again. “We knew each other for about eight months, but it was difficult to tell the time down there.”

“You were down there _too_?” That seemed to genuinely surprise him.

Riza nodded. She wouldn’t shy away from that fact. She had been down there and yes, it had been one of the most harrowing experiences of her life, but she had survived. So had Havoc. They would live on for those who could not. They would live for the ones still stuck down there and they would fight for them because there sure as hell was no one else who would.

Riza knew early on that Grumman’s main priority was not freeing the slaves. Taking down Bradley was number one, and then freeing the slaves in the north and eastern mines would come with time. In Riza’s mind that liberation would come the same day Bradley fell – she and Havoc would see to it themselves if no one else would – but to the other assassins here, it fell by the wayside. That could mean days, weeks, or even months for those people. Riza would not allow that. Too many people had helped her down there and kept her alive.

“I was. Your mother, Li, kept Havoc and I alive. She healed our wounds and…” She took a deep breath, overcome with another memory. Li’s smiling face and gentle voice were soothing her as Havoc lay unconscious on the floor, near death. Tears threatened to spill, but she would not let them.

“It’s okay, Hawkeye,” Ling reassured her gently. She jerked. It was so like his mother’s reassurances… “I just wanted to know what happened to her. I already prepared for the worst.”

Riza nodded, composing herself. It felt foolish to break down in front of a chid like this, but she supposed she was the same age as Ling when she had been taken from her home. He was old enough and had the right to know the truth.

“She died. I’m so sorry, Ling.” His only response was a brief bob of the head and an attempt at a smile, which promptly fell. “One day she was taken away and we never saw her again.” Now the tears did fall. Riza braced a hand on each of her knees, her head bowing forward. “We asked about her, but nobody would give us anything. I’m so _sorry_.”

“Thank you,” he smiled, surprising Riza when she finally lifted her head. “Thank you for telling me what happened. Thank you for telling me how much she helped both you and Havoc.”

At a loss for words, Riza nodded.

“I didn’t really know her… I don’t remember much, I was only five when we left for Xing, but it’s comforting to know she was still the kind-hearted woman I’d been told about.”

“She was. Your mother was a blessing to us both and we are forever in her debt. We… dedicated something to her, in the back garden of the Keep. It’s at the bottom, where the moonlight always hits the grass. We weren’t told of any family – I think she wanted to protect you all – so we didn’t have anyone to contact, but it felt wrong not to honour her. So, feel free to go and have a look, if you’d like.”

His smile was brighter that Riza would have expected. “Thank you, Hawkeye.”

“If you’ll excuse me, I have somewhere to be.”

She didn’t. Riza just needed out. It had been… nice to open up, even to a stranger. Someone who didn’t know her, someone who didn’t already look at her with pity like almost everyone else she knew. And Ling didn’t react as she feared, with horror or pity. He had thanked her for opening up and revealing what had happened to his mother. Regardless of how Riza felt about discussing her past, the fact remained that Ling simply had the right to know, so she had to do it. It was necessary and when Riza thought of it that way, the panic holding her hostage every time she probed to deeply into the time in her mind loosened its hold. It lifted a burden from her shoulders, especially the one regarding Li, but, despite that, it was still too much in the moment and she needed an escape. That came in the form of sitting in her room in the candlelight and doing everything in her power not to think about her past.

This had been a start, but Riza sure as hell had a long way to go.


	20. so just give me all of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ladies and gents this is the moment you've waited for….  
> (nsfw goodness in this chapter ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )

 

**_so just give me all of you_ **

“You were in the _mines_?”

Riza stiffened in the candlelit hallway. Slowly, the rotated on the spot, the urge to vomit becoming more and more prominent. Roy stood outside the closed infirmary door, horror written on his face.

 _No… Not now._ Panic welled in her throat as her mind and body screamed at her to run, to escape from this confrontation because she wasn’t sure she was strong enough to handle it right now. Not after her discussion with Ling. That had already been too much and now this? Her body begun to tremble slightly at the thought of having to face this _right now_.

Riza had planned on discussing at least something with Roy tonight when they spoke. She hadn’t been sure if it would be a lot or a little. He obviously had his questions and suspicions, and Riza would like to help him understand her better, but right now she felt blindsided. So much so, that she almost turned and ran there and then. Her feet even pivoted on the spot after setting her eyes on his face.

He looked… slightly ill, as if the news was what he had suspected all along but never dared to dream that it was the truth, because if it was true, he would shoulder even more guilt about her disappearance. Despite her reassurance it wasn’t his fault, Riza knew he still accepted the blame for it. There was no way for them to know what happened. Regardless, it was in the past, it had happened, and Riza was a firm believer in leaving the past in the past.

“I…” That was all she managed. The panic had seized her throat and Riza’s ability to formulate any kind of response. She could feel the darkness creeping into the edges of her mind, whispers filling her head of her time in those cold, underground caves. Her breath quickened and a cold sweat broke out over her.

“Riza…” The way he said her name almost broke her. Her knees shook where she stood, her hand coming to rest against the wall beside her to try and remain standing. Her head bowed, Riza’s gaze found the red carpet below. Breathing laboured, she could feel herself being transported back there.

 _No, no, no… Not again_.

“Riza?” Roy called her name, but it sounded incredibly far away. Her head lifted, wild eyes finding his concerned ones. Once he set eyes on her face, his expression changed and understanding dawned on him. Without another word she was bundled into his arms and Riza gripped his tunic tightly, hands fisting in the material. She took deep breaths, gulping down air to try and calm her racing heart, but it did nothing to help. Instead, his scent filled her and that somehow made it both better and worse. His hold was tight, and she concentrated on that pressure.

“You’re okay,” he murmured into her hair, lips pressing against her head. Riza squeezed her eyes shut, letting his warmth and his scent was over her. “Just let it out, I’ve got you.”

“I can’t… I can’t do this right now.”

“Riza,” he murmured against her head. “I’ve got you.”

She shook her head and pulled away, eyes slowly and cautiously making their way up to his face. Why did she feel so afraid of what she would find on his face?

 _Once he finds out the truth he will run_.

_Nobody loves a former slave._

_Nobody loves a_ murderer _._

“It’s not that.” Forcing herself out of his hold was difficult. Roy didn’t push her, but he snagged her hand in his, squeezing it tightly. Riza cast her eyes away from him, shame creeping into her chest at the show of her weakness. She had been caught off guard, that was all.

“What is it?”

Riza just shook her head once more, her fear of opening up stealing away her confession.

_Run. Run, now! Find Havoc and help him get you through this. Havoc is safe, he already knows without you needing to explain it._

Her feet turned to walk away but Roy tugged her gently back around to face him.

“Hey, look at me.” Fear filled her at the possibility. If she did that, she would unravel right there and then. Roy would know everything about her past.

_Would that be such a bad thing?_

This voice in her head was contradicting itself. Her subconscious was both battling against her and for her. A headache begun to form behind her eyes and across her forehead. The muscles in her neck felt strained, the tension pulling at them as pain blossomed in her head.

“Riza, look at me.” She almost didn’t obey his soft command but decided to throw caution to the wind for once in her life. Where she had expected fear and disgust, she saw nothing but love and concern. It took her breath away and stilled the panic and emotions raging within her momentarily. _Did she dare to dream…?_ “I know I said I would give you time, and I will, but please… I hate seeing you like this.” Her fingers curled even tighter around hers.

“I…” Once more, words failed her. The panic was stilling, burying itself back inside her chest to wait until it would no doubt be called upon again in the future.

“I’m sorry, that makes me sound like a hypocrite,” he smiled sadly. “But it’s the truth. I hate seeing how you’re struggling and not being able to do anything about it. I want to help. Will you let me?”

She remembered how her mind had directed her to turn and run to Havoc once more. Yes, he was a comfort in her time of need, but Riza felt ashamed of herself. She had just told her friend to let someone else in and help them in his darkest moments. Riza had told Havoc she had done the same but when the time came, she had fallen back into her old ways and her mind had automatically told her to find Havoc and not confide in Roy, someone who obviously loved her. Why couldn’t she just _tell him_?

Sure, Roy’s request was hypocritical, but understanding. Riza was just a hypocrite, plain and simple. There was no way around it.

“Not here,” she whispered, surprising herself for her boldness and finally taking charge of her trauma. It was about damn time and while the thought terrified her to her core, she could think of no one better to go through all this with. She loved Roy and if he was worth it, she would make the effort like Havoc said.

Roy was _definitely_ worth it.

He blinked in surprise, then nodded. “Okay. Just tell me when and where.”

Riza tugged on his hand, wrapping hers tighter within his, rather than simply clutching his fingers. She let the warmth spread up her arm and into her chest, using it to soothe her raging heart.

If he turned and ran like her mind whispered that he would, then Riza would accept that. It would crush her, sure, but it was a lot to pile on someone. Any sensible person would run for the hills, she believed, but if there was a small, miniscule chance, that Roy wouldn’t, Riza would take it. He seemed open to listening to her and now the cat was out of the bag Riza hoped he was more than just talk.

She took him to her rooms. They were small, just a bedroom really, but big enough to house a double bed against one wall, a rarely used vanity, a wardrobe, and a couch opposite the bed. A worn and well used coffee table sat before the couch, several notches in it from where Riza had stuck it with one of her blades as a makeshift holder for them. It was oddly therapeutic to flick one of her knives into the wood and extract it.

That table was the oldest thing she owned, and she had become oddly attached to it since Grumman brought her here. Before her, it had belonged to her grandfather, and even then, it was over a decade old. The worn rug underneath it looked as old as the table was, but in reality, it was brand new when Riza had moved in.

Off from her main room was a toilet room and a different room next door to it held the shower. There was a small area for washing her clothes inside a third and finale room, housing a washing basin and washing board. She had tied rope from one end of the room to the other in order to hang her clothes over it to drip dry. Being near the top of the house, heat rose, so her clothes were always quick to dry. The small window in the washing room overlooked the back garden of the townhouse and from this angle she could just see the small gravestone she and Havoc had picked out for Li. The window in her main room looked over the back of the house too, but it had been blacked out years ago in order to stop nosy neighbours or passers-by peering in. Riza had learned that lesson already.

Riza directed Roy to take a seat on the couch and she locked her bedroom door behind her. The last thing they needed was to be disturbed. Roy looked around the room. Whether he was searching for something or just simply observing, Riza wasn’t sure. Besides, there were more important things for her to concentrate on right now.

Finally satisfied in his search, Roy turned to her expectantly. Expression open and patient, he waited for her to begin while watching her struggle to find the right words. After a few moments of silence, Riza took up a seat next to him on her couch, shifting so she was turned to face him. Her hands itched to reach out and take his, wanting the comfort of his touch to get her through this moment, but Riza knew she had to do this herself. She could do this. Depending on someone else was what she had done since leaving the mines, but now was the time to stand on her own two feet. She had survived her trauma and she should be proud of that fact, so she would face this head on.

“I was inside the mines.” Voice barely above a whisper, Riza fisted her hands in her lap. Subconsciously her shoulders rounded themselves, despite her internal urging to face this fearlessly. Easier said than done. “Ten years ago, I was a slave.

“When I was… taken,” she stuttered. Roy grabbed one of her hands in his, giving it a tight squeeze and Riza appreciated the gesture. “I was held in the slums out east for about a week then transported to the mines.” The grip on her hand tightened but Riza barely noticed it. She had removed herself emotionally from this conversation. It was the only way she would get through it.

“How long were you in there?” Roy asked, voice tight. His body had tensed, she noticed out the corner of her eye. With her gaze on their hands together on the couch between them, she didn’t see how his jaw clenched tightly and his whole body seemed to be held in tight control.

It took Riza some time to answer and Roy gave her that opportunity.

“Eleven months and ten days.”

The silence was suffocating as Riza awaited his reply. As time dragged on, she curled in on herself even more, terrified that he would up and leave her right there.

“Eleven months…” he repeated after what felt like an age. Riza nodded. “Riza…”

“Grumman told us when he got Havoc and I out. He tracked my father down after hearing about my capture.”

“Havoc was in there with you?” he asked, disbelief colouring his tone.

“Yes.”

“Shit.” Riza flinched.

“I know this is a lot, and I don’t expect you to want to shoulder all of this, but I thought you should know, at least, before you got involved –”

“Riza?” His interruption drew her up short. A gentle finger was placed under her chin, lifting her unresisting head up to finally meet his gaze. “Make no mistake, this changes nothing between us.” Her breath hitched.  “It just makes me angrier towards Bradley.”

Riza’s gaze shifted to his black eye. His bandaged hands were rough against her skin and the one on his head had been removed not too long ago. Riza didn’t let herself stare at the red skin near his hairline too long because it made her want to vomit.

Riza nodded, a renewed feeling of hope entering her chest.

“Take your time,” he urged. “I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere, unless you wish it.”

Nodding once more, further appreciating the man he had grown into it. He was so kind and understanding… What had Riza ever done to deserve someone like him? Perhaps he was just guilty over the past and this was his way of making it up to her, but his expression was genuine.

“I was in the mines. It was… awful.” A memory flashed in her head. The image of a whip cracking, her skin stinging in agony, her hands raw as it held onto a pickaxe that was too large for someone her age. “We were – We were forced to work for hours on end.” Roy shifted closer, his thigh pressing against hers. Riza’s gaze had long since moved back to the hands joined on her lap. Roy’s thumb stroked her skin softly. “There was no rest, no breaks.” Another memory flashed in her head. Havoc’s beaten body being tossed in her cell. Riza crying over the sight of her new friend – her new source of hope – beaten within an inch of his life. “Havoc helped me through it. We helped each other because that was all we had.”

Roy wrapped his arms around her, leaning back against the couch. Riza felt herself falling back but she clutched onto his shirt, trusting he would catch her when she fell, both physically and mentally. Her face was buried in the crook of his neck, her nose brushing against his bare skin where his tunic ended against his throat. The fabric was becoming increasingly wetter because of her.

The only sound that filled the room were her quiet sobs, which eventually increased in volume. She couldn’t do this anymore. Memories assaulted her mind, battering against her sanity, threatening to break her down in the exact way she feared. Riza broke as the assault on her mind continued, finally letting it all out. This was exactly what she feared would happen. Opening up about all of this had broken the floodgates and there was no way to stop it. Roy didn’t want to hear about this. He –

“Just let go,” he whispered into her hair. “I’ve got you, Riza.” His arms repositioned on her frame, holding her tighter. “I’ll catch you when you fall.”

That pushed her over the edge.

For the next half hour all she did was cry. Disjointed sentences and explanations left her mouth about what she was seeing in her mind’s eye while Roy attempted to soothe her. His hands moved through her hair while the other rubbed small circles on her back. It was a comfort she appreciated the hell out of. There was still a niggle in the back of her mind that this would be too much for him. She had too much baggage and trauma. She was an ex-slave, for crying out loud. Riza would be too much effort for him, nobody wanted someone like her.

“I’ve got you,” he repeated in a whisper, as if sensing her inner turmoil. “I’m not going anywhere Riza, you can bet on that,” he reassured her.

“Thank you for sharing,” he stated when she finally quietened down. “I know how hard that must have been for you.” His voice was tight and Riza pulled back, risking a glance up at his face. His eyes were wet, the sight of the blackened one making her flinch, but it didn’t look like any tears had fallen. His expression was soft and loving as he gazed down at her.

“That wasn’t even half of it,” she muttered more to herself.

A hand squeezed her shoulder. “It was enough. I hadn’t… anticipated there being so much.” Riza stiffened in his hold. “But I still appreciate the hell out of what you’ve shared. Thank you for giving me that opportunity after everything that’s happened.” Riza nodded, unable to speak. “Like I said, I accept all of you. Past, present, and future. I’m ready to face it head on with you. If you need a partner to help you fight this trauma, alongside Havoc of course, I’ll be there. All you need to do is ask. If I can help, I will.”

Riza kissed him then. It was desperate as she clung to his shirt, pulling him towards her as her face scrunching up with the cocktail of emotions running through her. She loved him with her entire being, there was no question. Even now after revealing her past, he still loved her. The evidence was there in the way he clung to her just as eagerly, the way he whispered her name against her throat.

As she straddled him, her tunic disappeared over her head, their faces clashed together once more in their burning need to be as close to each other as possible. Their hands roamed freely, eagerly exploring each other’s bodies.

 Riza tore his shirt out of the waistband of his trousers. His skin was warm to the touch as she pressed her hands against his hard chest. She tore the tunic over his head, Roy watching her movements hungrily. His hair was dishevelled, and he couldn’t have looked sexier in that moment if he tried. It made her knees weak.

Then her hands drifted down to his waistband once more, hooking underneath it. Roy’s sharp intake of breath made her smile.

“Are you sure?” he asked breathily, concerned eyes searching hers.

Riza cupped his face in her hands, drawing his mouth back to hers. He groaned quietly into the kiss, his hands running up her sides and round to her back, slowly removing her bra. Once he had done so, Roy pulled her body closer to him as their mouths moved, her chest now flush against his. Riza gasped as her breasts brushed against his skin, causing a deep heat to pool in her belly. Her hips moved against his trouser leg in response and Roy groaned louder this time.

Without warning he shifted forwards on the couch, running his hands back down the skin of her back, over her ass, and down her thighs. He grasped the bend at her knee gently, guiding them to hook around his waist. Effortlessly he stood, causing Riza to gasp unexpectedly. He carried her over to the bed, never letting up his attention on her mouth. It was exquisite, the way his soft lips moved against hers, his tongue stroking hers in ways that made her want to cry out.

When they reached the bed, Roy placed her down gently. He shifted over her body, kneeling between her legs, and Riza found herself enjoying that position very much. He appeared to cover her entire body, his presence a comfort. It made her feel safe and protected from her demons.

Instead of returning his attention to her swollen lips, he just stared at her. “I love you,” he whispered, brushing her bangs off her face. Riza watched the way his eyes danced with desire.

And love. For her.

“I love you too, Roy Mustang.”

His lips claimed hers once more, one of his knees drifting further up the bed to press dangerously close to where she desperately needed him. Riza moaned loudly into his mouth and felt him smirk against her.

Bending his head, Roy moved his mouth to her neck, his tongue flicking out touch the skin there as he sucked hard. One of Riza’s hands flew up to the back of his head, holding him in position. The way his tongue moved against her skin was _sinful_ but there was no way she was going to stop him. Not in a million years.

His head drifted lower to her breasts, giving them as much attention as he had done her neck. Riza’s back arched, pressing them further into his mouth. Roy chuckled against her and even in the haze of her lust she wanted to frown and scold him, but the thought was gone as his teeth grazed her nipple.

Then he stopped.

Riza’s eyes opened lazily, her brow finally furrowing as she looked down at him, the question of why he stopped on the tip of her tongue, but it died, turning into ash, when she saw his face.

He looked concerned, his eyes flicking up to hers.

“Are these… scars?”

His voice was so quiet, so troubled. It made Riza want to wrap her arms around her exposed body, curling away so he wouldn’t see her. A bucket of ice-cold water had just been dumped over her entire form, killing any mood that had built between them.

 As she begun to lift her hands he reached out and grasped them gently, placing them back down at her sides, running his hand up one arm and then the other. His head lowered to her skin and Riza felt a pressure build behind her eyes and in her throat as Roy begun to kiss every one of her scars. Tears escaped down her face as she watched him pay tribute to every single one on her abdomen and shoulders. His lips eventually made their way up to her neck and he peppered her face in kisses while Riza cried silently beneath him.

Finally, he stopped, his eyes opening to meet hers.

“When I said I accepted all of you, I meant it,” he murmured, wiping away a tear making its way down to her hairline. He smoothed her tresses down, tucking it behind her ear. “Scars and all.”

“Thank you,” she choked out.

“Do you have anymore?”

Riza nodded, uncertain of his intentions. “On my legs and arms,” she whispered. She basked in his attentions, moaning quietly as his lips moved over her entire body. Riza could only watch him, transfixed, and wondering how she got so lucky to find a man who didn’t shy away from her scarred body, he accepted it.

When she couldn’t take it anymore, her arousal reaching its peak, Riza sat up and tugged at his waistband. Taking the hint, Roy shed his trousers and underwear. He’d already made quick work of hers while lovingly inspecting her body.

He paused, hovering above her.

The two just stared at each other, lost in the eyes of their partner. Slowly, Roy moved towards her, his gaze dropping down to guide himself into where Riza wanted him most. She gasped as Roy eased into her, his cock filling her completely. Riza moaned, throwing her head back against her pillow, eyes closing as he moved agonisingly slowly, his hips rocking in a way that was driving her crazy. She didn’t know what she wanted in that moment. She wanted heat and passion but also wanted him to drag this out for as long as possible while she savoured every moment.

Unable to hold back anymore, Roy buried his face in the crook of her neck, picking up speed. Riza gasped beneath him, her hands rising to tangle in his hair. His lips moved against her throat, muffling his moans in there. Riza’s filled her bedroom, her breaths becoming ragged as she rose closer to her peak.

Her walls convulsed and tightened around Roy quicker than she anticipated, her low moan building into a cry as her orgasm hit her. Roy continued to move inside her, helping her ride through it. Shortly after her, he came, his yell filling the quiet room. As they both came down from their high Roy met her gaze, his eyes boring into hers.

Riza breath caught at the emotion she saw there, still not quite believing that this man loved her like this.

“I’ll be right back,” he murmured, standing and entering her small bathroom. Riza curled on her side, shivering in the cold she had never noticed before. The toilet flushed, the pipes groaning as they always did. Roy exited, pausing when his eyes found hers once more, a soft smile spreading across his face. Riza couldn’t help but return it.

“Hey,” he greeted. Retrieving his underwear from the floor, he put them on and passed her one of the shirts that had been discarded beside the couch. Riza was enveloped in his smell as his shirt slid over her head and Riza smiled to herself. Whether he had done it on purpose, so that she was specifically wearing his shirt, or it had just been chance, Riza wasn’t sure, but she was happy to be wrapped up in it.

“Hey,” she replied quietly, shifting her legs over the edge of her bed. The shook slightly, an ache developing in between them as the result of their activities.

Roy approached her, placing a hand on her head and kissing it.

“I just need to…” Riza gestured towards her bathroom, suddenly embarrassed by her stuttering. She had just had sex with Roy, why was she flustered like a teenager in front of him? Apparently, it was endearing because Roy grinned.

“Of course.”

Roy was already in her bed when Riza exited. His head was propped up on his hand, elbow resting atop her pillow while covered in her duvet cover. Riza eagerly climbed in beside him, welcoming the warmth both he and her bed provided.

“Sorry, it’s really small,” she apologised sheepishly about her bed.

Roy shook his head. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer to his chest. Riza came face to face with his muscular chest, her breath tickling his skin. She knew because he shifted against her as she tested her theory.

“As long as I’m with you, I don’t mind.” Riza smiled to his chest. Her eyes drooped, head nodding forward. “Get some rest, Riza. You’ve been through a lot today.”

“We both have,” she yawned, tickling Roy again. He grumbled and she laughed quietly to herself.

“And who’s fault is that?” he asked with a grin, pulling away to look down pointedly at her.

“You were just as eager as I was.”

“Yeah, but you initiated it. I was helpless to resist.” Riza scoffed and borrowed deeper in his warmth. With a quiet laugh, Roy kissed the top of her head. “Get some sleep. We’ll talk more in the morning.”

For once Riza fell asleep in the darkness with no issue. Roy was there to keep the nightmares away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO  
> YEAH  
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
> this is the first bit of smut i've written so... be nice? :'D  
> i'm always open to feedback so kejfnesk if it's cringey lmk! i want to improve!


	21. impossible comes true, it's taking over you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the morning after feat. some fluff and royai banter. god i've missed writing their banter  
> and also, a reunion... [eyes emoji]

**_impossible comes true, it's taking over you_**

Riza stirred in the dawn glow, disorientated about where she was. Something warm and soft was underneath her cheek, an unfamiliar pressure on her hip. Blinking, she lifted her head up, propping up on her elbow to see Roy in her bed.

Right. Of course.

In sleep he looked so peaceful. The last time she had seen him asleep he had been battered and bloodied, still in a coma after Bradley’s torture. Now, he was the complete opposite. The sight of his black eye still made her flinch, but his face was relaxed, lips parted slightly as his breath escaped his body. Riza smiled down at him, simply observing a Roy Mustang who was without worry and stress.

Leaning forward she kissed his forehead, smiling at the way he stirred in his sleep, his hand moving against the skin on her hip. The roughness of his bandages clashed with the softness of his fingers causing Riza to shiver at the contrasting sensations.

Sucking in a deep breath, his non-bruised eye cracking open, his other one following shortly afterwards. He winced as his bruised skin moved, face grimacing briefly. Riza felt her heart constrict painfully, remembering that he had been _tortured_.

“Does it hurt?” she whispered, her fingers ghosting over the skin surrounding his injured eye.

“Only in the morning because I’ve been asleep all night.”

Riza decided Roy was incredibly adorable when he woke up in the morning. His voice was rough with sleep when he spoke, his eyes fluttering closed against his will as he fought the hold sleep had over him. Unable to help herself, Riza brushed his fringe off his face, lowering to press another kiss to his forehead.

Upon pulling back she felt mildly foolish, never having been one to openly show affection to anyone, but the look on his face boosted her confidence.

“Good morning,” he greeted, eyes finally cooperating and remaining open. The grip on her waist tightened, his fingers moving to play with the hem of the shirt she was wearing.

“Morning,” she smiled back at him. “Did you sleep well?”

“With you by my side? The best nights sleep of my life.” Riza blushed and Roy chuckled at her, stealing a kiss. “I mean it.”

The pair lay together as the sun rose, basking in each other’s presence and simply enjoying the feeling of being together. Roy explored her scars once more, his caresses igniting a fire within her once more, but as he asked about them it died down quickly. He was understanding and patient with her, something Riza was extremely grateful for. She wasn’t ashamed of her scars, but she never mentioned to the ones on her back, the ones that matched Havoc’s. They were from the mines and she wasn’t quite ready to share that painful part just yet.

They discussed a myriad of things, the conversation drifting towards their reunion, albeit one Roy hadn’t even been aware of.

Riza asked him about the attack against her with his flames. “That wasn’t an attack, I put up a wall of flames to try and protect myself. I knew you were with the resistance, but I couldn’t openly show that in public, so I put up a wall between us to protect myself. Also, I wasn’t sure if you were going to kill me or not, so it was also a precaution.”

“Why did you follow me then?” That was something she had been genuinely curious about.

“I had to pursue the person who was killing my comrades, didn’t I?”

Riza glanced down at the hand playing with the sheet lying across his chest. She could feel the warmth of his body through it, the duvet cover having been kicked off in the night. Two adults sharing the same space in her tiny bed generated enough heat, they didn’t need the added thick layer to cover them.

“Did you hate me for it?” she asked quietly.

Silence ensued as he considered her question. “I understood why you did it,” he replied carefully. “I didn’t particularly _agree_ with your methods, more for your sake, however I understood them. A cornered lion doesn’t just lie down and submit, it fights its way out. That’s what the resistance is doing.”

“So, you still don’t agree with my methods?” Her voice was quiet, afraid of his answer. He may love her, but by most people’s standards she was still considered a monster for all that she had done at the hands of the resistance.

His dark eyes rose to meet hers, determination and certainty ringing clear in them.

“That bastard tortured me. I saw my “comrades” while I was in there, passing by the door to my cell, and they did nothing to help me.” His eyes flashed with fury at their betrayal. “I don’t give a damn anymore.”

Riza nodded, digesting his words.

When they eventually left her room – much later than Riza would have normally risen on a good day – Grumman summoned her immediately for an important mission. She saw Roy again later that day, back in her room. So engrossed in her task, Riza didn’t notice him entering her bedroom shortly after her.

“Where are you going?”

Riza spun around, one of her knives instinctively flying into the palm of her hand. It never moved away from her hips, quickly realising who was speaking to her. _He has certainly made himself at home,_ Riza thoughts, but it made her smile to herself, pleased he felt comfortable enough to do so.

Roy’s gaze flicked down to the sudden glint of the blade in the candlelight. “Is this a habit of yours?” he asked, but his tone amused.

“Only when people sneak up on me.”

“The first time I didn’t sneak up on you,” he reminded her, a smirk playing on his lips. He leaned on the wall of her bedroom, crossing one of his legs and ankles across the other. His arms folded across his chest, hiding his bandaged hands.

“You did,” she replied softly as she packed her knapsack.

“Oh?” he questioned, pushing off the wall with his shoulder and walking over to inspect her bag. “How so?”

“You caught me off guard.”

“That’s not sneaking up on someone.”

Riza shrugged but couldn’t help but be amused. She was enjoying the conversation, these playful undertones a nice change of pace. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt this carefree, both in conversation and mentally. Her coupling with Roy was a major factor, she was very aware of that fact. All day she had felt lighter, more relaxed, and she had him to thank. Not to mention the fact her trauma felt less like a black cloud over her head, the rain relentless on her skin as it pounded her into submission on the ground, and more like the grey of a distant storm, slowly making its way over to her.

“Same thing.”

Riza moved to what should have been the cupboard in which she hung her clothes, but it had become her personal weapon stash. Roy whistled lowly as Riza opened it, revealing her arsenal. “That is… quite a collection,” he commented.

“It pays to be prepared.”

“True, but you still haven’t answered my first question.”

“And what was that again?” she retorted, still engrossed in her task of equipping herself for her last mission before they moved against Bradley.

“Riza.” His tone was only slightly frustrated. He knew she was dodging his question.

“Yeah?” she replied distractedly, still perusing her blades.

“Where are you going that you need so many weapons?”

She knew he was concerned. Judging by the kind of person he was, Riza could guess he wouldn’t want her to leave the Keep now at all. Especially after last night. Roy was protective by nature, and that was fine, Riza could deal with and appreciate that, but she wasn’t going to sit back now that things had progressed between them.

“I’m going to meet my father.”

Riza tensed as the silence dragged on. Opting not to turn to see his face, she collected her favourite set of double blades and stood, sliding them into her belt. A gentle hand was placed on her shoulder.

“Do you want me to come with you?” he murmured.

Relief settled in her chest, the sensation prickling her skin. Her worry about him trying to stop her from doing her job was eased.

She shook her head. “I don’t want you out in the city after what happened with Bradley.” Roy opened his mouth to protest, a protest on the tip of his tongue. “Grumman’s words, not mine,” she explained, a sympathetic smile on her face. “Although, I won’t lie and say I don’t agree with him. You’re also too valuable, apparently.”

“So are you,” he replied without hesitation.

Riza appreciated his words, but it wasn’t true. She was disposable in this fight in the grand scheme of things. A State Alchemist who wielded the power of fire like Roy did was much more important than her. Anyone who performed alchemy took priority over the regular assassins. They were already outnumbered and the more firepower they could get, the better.

The more destructive, the better.

“Don’t think for a second you aren’t,” he added, words fierce. Riza glanced away automatically, a habit, but quickly realised with dismay that she had just revealed her true feelings. “Riza,” he all but growled, his hands gripping her upper arms. “Promise me you don’t.”

If they managed to overthrow Bradley, _if_ this country could be saved from that tyrant, they would need someone like Roy. He was fiercely loyal, protective to a fault, but understood the importance of those around him, no matter how insignificant they thought their abilities were.

Her silence was answer enough for him.

She was wrapped in his arms. “Don’t doubt for _one second_ that you aren’t valuable. Grumman told me about all you’ve done for the people here. He says he would be lost without you.” Riza scoffed quietly, disbelieving. “Grumman’s words, not mine,” he echoed back to her. Riza could almost hear the smirk on his lips.

“To be honest,” he continued. Riza detected a hitch in his voice, betraying a hint of nervousness as his hands tightened ever so slightly on her back. “You are the most precious thing in my life right now. I don’t have much family, besides my Aunt. Hughes is a pain in the ass but he’s still my oldest friend, still a part of my family.” Taking a deep breath, he exhaled in a rush. “I’d be honoured if you were to join that small circle I have. Although,” he chuckled. “In my mind, you already have.”

Craning her neck up, Riza regarded him silently. Like him, she didn’t have many people she counted on, but those she could, she loved them fiercely.

“Of course, I will, if you’ll have me?” His answer was a passionate kiss that left her both smiling and wanting more.

However, there was work to be done first.

The streets of Central were eerily quiet outside Christmas’ Bar tonight. Even the usual vagrants who loitered outside in the hopes of scoring a free meal during the night hours were absent. While Bradley didn’t want any normal humans living in his city, they were still there. These people were a… less than savoury clientele for Christmas’ Bar, but they worked for the Madame and were excellent at gathering information for her. They could become very invisible whenever they needed to be. Riza only then realised that it made sense the area around the bar was quiet. She sighed at her slow uptake, blaming it on the fact she was distracted by how she was about to meet her father for the first time in ten years.

The addition to the tunnels underneath Central that the Keep utilised were also very useful to the Madame’s network. Grumman had a deal set up with Christmas, one which Riza wasn’t privy too, but it benefited both parties so that was all that mattered.

The bar itself was empty, shut up to look as though it had been closed down and condemned. The operation in the front had, but the back was still a vital point for the resistance’s movements through Central.

“Through here,” Maes Hughes guided her. Riza hadn’t had the opportunity to see him since their initial meeting and the man looked decidedly more worn out than he had done previously. Riza didn’t like people prying into her business, so she wouldn’t pry into his. Still, he was one of them now. She hoped he was okay.

The stairs creaked as they ascended, every sound like a gunshot in the supposedly condemned bar. It set the alarm bells off in her head. Something already didn’t feel right about this place, but her father was here, so she had to tough it out for the time being.

A fact that still sent a wave of nausea through her.

Hughes showed her to a closed door. Through it, was her father. Steeling herself for a reunion Riza never thought would come, she took a deep breath and gripped the door handle.

“I’ll be downstairs if you need me,” Hughes told her softly. “There are a few more people to funnel into the tunnels.”

The bedroom was barren considering how long her father had apparently being living here for. _Ten years_ , Riza reminded herself. _Ten years the Madame and Roy had been taking care of him._

She winced at the sight of the man in the bed. His eyes were closed, breaths short. His cheeks were sunken in on his face, eyes looking hollow in their sockets. His hair was long and splayed over his pillow.

He looked like he was dying.

“Father?” Riza whispered into the still room, as if speaking too loudly would break him where he slept. He stirred in his sleep but didn’t show any signs of waking. She tried again, edging closer into the room. The knot in her stomach tightened considerably as she got a closer look at him in the moonlight.

 _He looks so ill_.

His eyes cracked open blearily.

“Riza?” he breathed, shifting under the sheet covering him.

“Yes,” she replied quietly, taking another step towards him, finding herself by his bedside. She remained standing, hands clenched at her sides. A million thoughts and emotions were running around in her mind. This man had protected her from being taken away by Bradley for seven years but at the same time he had shoved her in a cupboard like a memento he wanted to forget about.

“Is this my judgement day?” he chuckled humourlessly. His tone held such disdain. With a flash of familiarity, it transported her right back to her childhood after her mother died but before Roy came to stay with them, when he would open her hiding spot and just stare at her, his face becoming pained before closing the door again, muttering about having guests over soon.

Riza shook her head, feeling a pressure build behind her eyes. “No,” she whispered.

“What then?” he asked.

“I’ve come to take you with me. Take you somewhere safe.”

Berthold chuckled again, eyes closing as if he thought the idea ridiculous. He always had a knack for being patronising towards her. “I’m dying, Riza. There is nowhere else for me to go.”

“I’m not leaving you here.”

An eye cracked open. “I did nothing but make your life a misery growing up, why do you insist on helping me?” A sudden, wracking, cough overtook his body. Without thinking she reached for him, supporting his back until it subsided.

“You’re my father,” Riza replied. “Despite all that happened, you still protected me from Bradley after Mother died.”

A rueful laugh left him. “I did. I regret the way I did it,” he added, surprising Riza. “But it was the only way I could think of.” His eyes took on a far-off look after he had been lowered back down onto his pillow. “After your mother passed, I ceased to function. You probably noticed.”

“I did.” Her reply was sharp.

Berthold eyed her for a moment. “I’m sorry, Riza. I was meant to be there for you, but I failed catastrophically. I know that now. I thought if I took on that boy on as an apprentice, he would be able to keep you company. I hated to put that pressure of alchemy on him, but I thought if I could teach him one of the most powerful types, he would be best equipped to fight this country’s system, that’s what the Madame requested from our agreement.

“I knew from day one he wasn’t going to be one of Bradley’s puppets, so I taught him how the world worked. I explained how he needed to protect people like you, and Roy took that task upon himself without any argument. That was my proudest moment.”

Riza’s heart still sank, despite how long it had been since then. Even to this day, her father was prouder of Roy than he was of her. She thought she was over it. After Roy came to live with them, Riza learned very early on that this new boy would take all her father’s pride and admiration. Not that Berthold had shown Riza any of that anyway, but it still stung.

Even when she had suddenly appeared after being missing from his life for ten years, her father wasn’t happy or pleased to see her. He accepted it like waking up and seeing the weather outside.

“His adoptive mother had contacted me in the past about the resistance, so I knew where he was coming from. My only hope was to give him power so he could fight accordingly.” Berthold’s eyes snapped up to hers, finally looking completely lucid since Riza first stepped into the room. “For your sake.

“Riza, I’m so sorry.”

A sudden explosion deafened her, shaking the foundations of the bar. Riza instinctively covered her father’s body with her own, her mind racing to try and figure out what the _hell_ was going on. The glass next to his bed shattered and Riza felt shards bite the skin on her face and hands. Gritting her teeth, she remained in place.

“It’s finally happening,” Berthold whispered beneath her. Riza backed up, coughing in the dust filled room. “Riza.” Her father gripped her hand tightly, stalling her for a second. “Know that I’m sorry for everything I did. I… I did love you, all those years ago.” A frail hand lifted to her cheek. “Everything I did, it was for your sake.” His hand fell onto the bed, limp.

“Father?” Riza called as his eyes closed, becoming desperate. She needed to know more. She was conflicted. Damn him. _Damn him_ for making her doubt herself as he was on his death bed and unable to provide any further insight.

That was Berthold Hawkeye’s last task, infuriating his daughter one final time.

“Forgive me…”

“What’s going on?” Hughes shouted over the sound of yet another blast. The floor rocked beneath her feet, the walls shaking.

“Demolition,” a very pleased, but frighteningly familiar, voice supplied.


	22. buried in your bones there's an ache that you can't ignore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now they're together™ these chapters are getting longer because i'm a sucker for fluff like this uwu

**_buried in your bones there's an ache that you can't ignore_ **

Riza gripped her father’s shoulder tightly, giving them a shake. No, he couldn’t die on her now. There was so much to explain. He couldn’t just drop a bomb like that and leave her to deal with it.

Firstly, he had revealed that Roy was his proudest achievement, causing Riza to resent him once more. Then, he had told her that everything he had done had been for her sake, to try and keep her safe. If he was sane enough to take on an apprentice to train and teach for years, then he was sane enough to talk to his own daughter and care for her himself, rather than bringing in a boy only a couple of years older than her to do it for him.

Perhaps he just couldn’t stand the sight of her. Riza had been told she was the spitting image of her mother, after all.

Coward.

The man was a constant contradiction and as an adult, she hated him for it. He had toyed with her for years and even as he died, he still fell into his old ways.

Still, he was part of the resistance, fighting Bradley in his own way, and was her own blood. He deserved better than being left in a collapsing building while Kimblee blew it to pieces, knowing full well who was inside.

“Hawkeye, we need to go!” Hughes yelled. Faintly, she heard laughter coming from outside the building. The voice that had seemed so frighteningly close, thanks to the smashed windows, was now distant, maddening laughter crawling its way up her skin instead.

The ceiling groaned and collapsed in the room above them, disturbing more dust and dropping a beam through the floorboards right behind Riza. If she had been standing further away from her father’s bedside, she would have been hit. “If we wait any longer, we’ll be killed! Kimblee is outside!” There was that laughter again.

She didn’t want to die. She had just opened herself up to new possibilities and felt lighter because of it. Riza had missed out on so much over the years thanks to this lifestyle and her trauma. The thought of not being able to experience it all drew her up short and left her panicked.

 _That’s called having something to live for,_ a voice in her head whispered. Havoc had been her main reason for years. However it had become so normal that it never felt like it Riza just accepted that was how her life was, but now… Well, it was just _nice_ to have something else to live for, especially someone like Roy.

Despite the fact Berthold had been incredibly cold towards her after her mother died, moving away and leaving her father behind was one of the hardest things Riza had ever done. She kept picturing in her mind’s eye the happiness they had shared with her mother and how proud he had looked when she had accomplished even a simple task.

 _I don’t want to leave him…_ The small voice in her head almost pulled her back.

“Hawkeye,” Hughes called over the sound of the building creaking and falling around them. He easily picked his way over to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “He’s already gone,” he told her softly, his expression sympathetic. “We can’t…”

With one last glance back at her father’s body, Riza nodded. “Let’s go.”

If she didn’t turn around there and then, she may never leave the crumbling building. Out the corner of her eye, she clocked Hughes watching her intently as she breezed past. She knew her posture was stiffer than usual, her movements slightly jerky, but Riza had just left her father’s body behind to be buried underneath the rubble of Christmas’ bar, she was fucking allowed to feel grief, no matter what the relationship with her father had been. The man had loved and nourished her for years prior to her mother’s passing. Riza already knew that man had died when her mother did, but he was still _there_. He had still protected her.

Another beam came crashing down above them. It took her a second longer to react, thanks to the thoughts fighting for attention in her head. Rolling underneath it and towards the door, the wood struck the back of her leg. With a cry, she stumbled forward and crashed into the wall by the door.

“Hawkeye –!”

Hughes’ cry was cut off, followed by silence. The floor swayed underneath her feet, threatening collapse at any second.

“Hughes?” she called out, biting her lip against the pain in her leg. “Hughes!” Panic began to well within her at his silence. “Fuck.” She limped back into the room, peering through the dust.

She found him underneath the beam that had hit Riza’s leg. It crossed his abdomen, the wood underneath splintered and groaning. Eyes closed, head bloody and on the dusty floor, Hughes was out cold and unresponsive.

“Shit!” Riza grasped the wood and hauled with all her might. It moved an inch before Riza heard the foundations falling away beneath him. She pulled again, her legs and arms straining to lift the wood. Something cracked and a floorboard fell away, down a new hole in which the bar below peered back up at Riza.

“Hughes!” she cried desperately, panting with the exertion. Her nails bit into the beam, cracking. Her hands begun to cramp, unable to hold it any longer.

She couldn’t let him die. He had a family, he had friends, and people who counted on him. Riza hadn’t known Maes Hughes for very long, but she had already lost too many people to Bradley.

No more.

With one last pull she shifted it to the left, the beam coming to rest further down his body. His torso was no longer pinned. Rounding to his head, Riza grasped Hughes under his arms and pulled gently. When she felt movement, Riza tugged harder, lifting him out from underneath. She could have fallen over in relief when she heard him groan.

“Hughes, I need you on your feet. We have to get out of here.” He groaned again, his head rolling so his head came to rest on his chest. “Hughes! We need to _move_. I know it’s hard but picture your family,” Riza tried desperately. “Picture your friends, the people you care about, _please_. Move for them.” His eyes cracked open and Riza gave him an encouraging smile. “That’s it,” she smiled. “As soon as we’re in the tunnels and away from Kimblee, you can rest. I promise.” He nodded, breathing laboured. “Thank you.”

They moved quickly through the house, considering Hughes’ current condition. Once in the back room Riza set him on the floor gently against the wall and tore open the trapdoor. Her muscles protested against the action, shaking from the test they had been put through already. Hughes shuffled over and shimmied down the stairs, finally rising to his feet when Riza guided him down. Another explosion rocked the place and the walls finally fell, crumbling around Riza. Reaching up to pull the trapdoor closed, she hissed in pain as rubble struck her hands. The door slammed shut, the stairs shaking with the impact of the bar finally crumbling.

Panting, Riza reached for Hughes and carried him away from the entranceway. The torchlight danced around them, angry at the disturbance from Christmas’ Bar.

 _What the_ hell _had just happened?_

“The other people,” Hughes panted. “The ones I got out… They’ll be at the Keep by now.”

“Okay, good.”

He shook his head. “I… I don’t think I can make it that far.” Riza looked at him sharply.

“You’re not dying on me, Hughes,” she ground out, pushing further forward while taking even more of his weight.

He chuckled beside her, his grip on her loosening. “I don’t want to either, but I can’t, I… physically can’t.”

“We’re not stopping,” she growled, pulling him forwards. “Like hell am I letting you bleed out in this tunnel.”

“I’ll just slow you down. Go ahead.”

“No,” she replied stubbornly.

“ _Hawkeye_ –”

“Shut up,” she barked. “I’m not letting another one of my people die. I’ve watched it happen too often already. No more, not while I can still help you.”

When they reached the Keep Riza was exhausted. Hughes was barely conscious anymore. She guessed he had a concussion from when the beam had fallen, not to mention the injuries she couldn’t see on his torso. There was a worrying red stain forming on his side.

 There was a flurry of activity above the trapdoor and it took all Riza’s strength to knock on it. She collapsed onto the stairs, her legs giving out. Within ten seconds it was open, the sudden light blinding her momentarily.

“Hawkeye!” Breda cried.

“Hughes. Help him.” That was all she could manage to get out as she tried to catch her breath.

“Falman, Fuery! Get Hughes!” Breda turned back to Riza. “What happened? We heard about the explosion at Christmas’ Bar.” He offered his arm and Riza grasped it gratefully, pulling herself wearily to her feet. Her leg pinched with pain, but she was otherwise unharmed, just exhausted from the exertion of moving that support beam and carrying Hughes two miles back to the Keep.

“Kimblee. Kimblee happened.”

Hughes was carried up the stairs by the rest of her team. Riza watched as he passed, eyes closed, and head bowed forward. It reminded her so much of how Roy had been brought back after his ordeal with Bradley and Riza felt another fire light in her gut.

“What? He was there? How did he know?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know.”

The door to the room banged open, the handle hitting the wall. Roy entered, eyes wide and searching. “Riza?” he cried. “Hughes?” Riza watched as he froze while Hughes was carried past him. A myriad of emotions flitted across his face – surprise, concern, worry – before finally settling on anger. Once again, they had been the victim of Bradley’s. “Is he –?”

“He needs Marco,” Falman replied. “Somebody, find Marco and bring him to the infirmary at once!”

Roy moved to follow them, before spinning back around to face the trapdoor, his eyes finding Riza’s immediately. He strode over, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

“Are you okay?” he whispered into her hair. His voice caught as he squeezed her body tightly, taking a deep breath. Riza nodded against him, her face finding the crook of his neck. She was probably getting blood on him, but she didn’t care. The cuts on her face stung from the glass. Riza breathed in his scent, allowing it to wash over her. It calmed her momentarily.

The last two hours had been nothing but emotional turmoil. In that time, she had reunited with her father, only for him to die a few short minutes afterwards, a building collapsed around her, landing on top of Hughes, and she’d had to drag his injured body two miles back to the Keep where he could finally get help.

To say she was emotionally spent was an understatement.

For a while Riza had always felt she was on the brink of breaking. One wrong action or word would trigger a memory and she would find herself toppling over the edge and into he abyss. In the last two days that feeling had dissipated. Now, it was back with a vengeance and Riza could feel herself crumbling like Christmas’ Bar.

However, she didn’t get to fall apart. Not yet. Not until she was alone and knew Hughes was going to be all right.

“I heard about the explosions. I wanted to come but…” Of course, he wouldn’t have been allowed to come, not if Kimblee was there.

“It’s okay. I’m okay. We need to help Hughes though.”

Roy nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Let’s go.”

He never let up on his hold of her waist while they walked to the infirmary. Grumman met them there, along with Falman and Fuery.

“What happened?” he questioned, expression and tone angry, but not towards Riza. “What did they do?”

Riza opened her mouth to reply, but Roy cut in.

“She needs checked out,” he interrupted. “She can answer your questions later.” Roy steered her to a cot, motioning for her to sit, leaving a slightly stunned Grumman at the door. While Riza didn’t particularly like Roy speaking for her, she was too exhausted to give a mission report right now.

The rest of the day was a blur as she was checked over after Hughes. He would be all right. He had a concussion and the wound on his abdomen had been healed with Marco’s alkahestry. When he was presentable, Marco banished all visitors from the room, Roy included, to allow him to check over Riza and let the pair rest. As he left, Roy’s eyes promised her he would find her soon. She was grateful for that reassurance.

A knock at the door drew her attention away from Marco’s questions. He permitted them to enter, and a woman with a young girl entered the room. The woman gasped when she saw Hughes’ in the bed, a hand rising to cover her mouth while tears pricked at her eyes.

“Oh, Maes,” she warbled.

“Daddy?” the girl asked uncertainly. “Mummy, why does Daddy have all those bandages on him?”

The girl’s mother lifted her into her arms, holding her close as she cradled her child. They approached Hughes’ bedside and Riza looked away, feeling as though she was intruding on a private moment.

“Is there anything else you wanted to ask me?”

Marco shook his head, his reply quiet as to not disturb the reunion happening behind Riza. “No, that’s it. You can leave now, if you wish.”

“Thanks, Doctor Marco.”

Riza shuffled out awkwardly, muttering her apologies to the family for what had happened to Hughes.

_If you hadn’t gone there today, Hughes would be okay. A woman wouldn’t have almost lost her husband. A young girl wouldn’t have almost lost her father._

Her bedroom was cold and empty when she entered. Going through the motions of changing out of her dusty clothes was easy. The shower Riza had to wash off the blood, dust, and grime of the day was also easy. What wasn’t easy, was being left alone with her destructive thoughts.

The only energy she had was to crawl into her bed and face the blank wall, her mind racing as she replayed the events of the day over and over. She felt her father’s body go still underneath her hands, she felt Hughes’ grip on his life slipping away, she remembered how the explosions rocked the ground beneath her feet as Kimblee – and by extension, Bradley – threatened to take her life away once again.

_Will it never end?_

A pair of hands gently gripped her from behind. She struggled for a moment, panic rising within her at the thought she was being attacked.

“It’s me,” Roy whispered, slipping underneath her duvet cover and pulling her against his chest. “I’m here.”

Riza stilled and felt those three words breaking down her walls and pushing her over that edge she had been teetering on her whole adult life. It had happened yesterday when she revealed her past to Roy, but this was so much worse. She was in freefall with no way to stop herself or slow down. Sobs began to wrack her body as Roy held her, his hands rubbing up her arms. It warmed her skin as Riza finally realised just how cold she felt.

“He’s dead,” she whispered to the wall. Roy stilled behind her.

“Your father?”

“Yes,” she choked out. “He died just as the building began to fall.”

“Riza, I’m so sorry.”

“I left him,” she sobbed, gasping for a breath. “I left him there in the rubble.” She knew that decision would haunt her as soon as she made it but didn’t anticipate how bad it would make her feel. “I left my father’s body to be buried under that bar, forgotten about by everyone apart from myself.”

“Riza, there’s nothing you could have done –”

“Yes, there was. I could have gone to him sooner. I could have _saved_ him –”

“Your father has been dying for years,” Roy told her gently. “He told me he was waiting for you and that was it. He said he had something to tell you before he left.”

“What?” she asked, brow furrowing and her sobs pausing for a moment.

Roy nodded. He shifted so his chin rested on the top of her head, his hands continue to run up and down her arms. “I always knew he was too stubborn to die. He was waiting to see you one last time. _You_ were the things that kept him holding on all these years, although he would never willing show it. He was never fully lucid after you were taken and at his most feverish, he would ramble about how sorry he was and how he had failed you. He apologised to his wife, and to you, over and over. The Madame even brought a doctor in to check him over. While he wasn’t all there mentally, he was aware of what he had done in the past and what he was doing now. “I’m waiting”, he would tell me. At the time, I just wasn’t sure what – or who – he was waiting on.”

_Too bad he never showed you that. Even on his deathbed._

“I felt sympathy for him because I thought you were dead. We all did.” Riza stiffened. “But Berthold never gave up hope.” He chuckled to himself. “I tried to tell him, but he flat out refused to believe it. “No daughter of mine would be bested by that oaf Bradley”.” Riza felt a laugh bubble under the surface, Roy’s impression of her father spot on. It escaped quietly, her body shaking from it. It was nice change. Roy squeezed her arms under his hands gently. “He was proud of you, believe me, and he loved you.”

“Thank you,” Riza whispered, lifting one of her hands to still his. Their fingers intertwined together tightly. She rolled over in his arms, turning to face him. His eyes showed his love for her plain as day, but they also held concern. Slowly, one of his hands lifted to brush her hair off her face, coming to rest against her cheek, fingers curling around the nape of her neck while his thumb remained beside her ear, stroking the skin.

“Don’t mention it,” he grinned. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, Riza sighed, feeling herself calming down finally. She was exhausted, physically, emotionally, and mentally, and wanted nothing more than to sleep, but she found herself enjoying Roy’s embrace and didn’t want to leave it quite so soon.

_I could get used to this…_

“Are you okay?” he whispered. “Really?”

“I’m…” Automatically, the word “fine” was on the tip of her tongue, however Roy had given himself to her openly and freely, the least she could do was return the favour and the trust he had put in her. Plus, the promise she had made to herself and Havoc about sharing more often popped into the forefront of her mind. “I’m all right. The beam that fell on Hughes hit me in the back of the leg.”

“Is it okay?” His brow furrowed in concern.

“It’s all right. It hurts a little, but I’ll survive. I’ve had worse.”

“I don’t doubt it,” he replied, his expression souring.

“Roy?” His eyes found hers. “I’m fine. Honestly.”

“Your face…” he murmured. “And your hands?”

“Glass and debris. All superficial and will heal easily.”

Finally satisfied after scrutinising her eyes and face, Roy sighed in relief and nodded, accepting her words. He pulled her closer, tucking her underneath his chin once more.

“I thought…” He was silent for a while and she felt his Adam’s apple moving as he swallowed hard.

“Yes?”

“I thought you might have died,” he whispered. “When I heard there had been an attack on the bar. Then the group of girls that came back said you’d stayed behind, and I began to fear the worst.” His hands fisted in her sleep shirt. “I wanted to go but Grumman forbade it. He had us all on standby. The tunnels were sealed off to prevent discovery, should Bradley’s men discover the trapdoor in the bar.”

After Hughes’ meeting with Grumman all those weeks ago, Edward and Alphonse had been dispatched to Christmas’ bar to alchemically create a set of tunnels joining the main ones for Christmas’ resistance members to move more freely, part of a deal they had struck up.

“I don’t think I can face losing you a second time,” he whispered against her hair. “So please, don’t scare me like that again.” Despite his words, there was a hint of that playfulness Riza had come to love in his tone.

“I’ll try my best not to,” she smiled against him, pressing a kiss against his skin. Once more, Roy had calmed her down, bringing her back from the abyss of her trauma. That was not lost on her.

He had changed since he’d helped her to the infirmary, opting to wear a loose-fitting shirt like hers, the same kind of shirt he had worn last night. A sleep shirt.

Riza smiled to herself at the thought he had worn it because he expected to be with her in her bed tonight. While before she would have preferred to have been alone, now that she had experienced a taste, Riza didn’t want to be alone while she was falling apart like this. Her hand snaked around his waist, coming to rest underneath his shirt and against his lower back. She heard his intake of breath, amused at herself and how she affected him.

“Thank you. That’s all I ask.”

Eyes finally drooping, Riza shifted so she was more comfortable and tightened her grip around his waist.

“Get some sleep, Riza,” Roy murmured. “I’ll be here when you wake up. I’m not quite ready to let go yet, not after the afternoon I had.”

She grinned, something she hadn’t done in what felt like a lifetime. She sighed, feeling Roy twitch as her breath tickled his skin. A feeling spread through her, blanketing her in warmth from the top of her head right down to her toes. It filled her with a calm. She knew it wouldn’t last long, but Riza could take this small moment, with Roy’s arms wrapped around her.

Dare she say it, in fear of jinxing it, Riza felt happy.


	23. ladies and gents, this is the moment you've waited for

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it lads, we've hit the climax of the story! there's only a few chapters left and you might hate me after this one and the next........

**_ladies and gents, this is the moment you've waited for_ **

Central was abuzz with excitement as the State Alchemists paraded through the city. Riza didn’t quite understand what all the hubbub was about, they were just walking in uniform in front of the open top carriage carrying Bradley. Each looked as serious and as bored as the last, save for a familiar face. Kimblee. Riza gripped the hand resting on the knife in her belt even tighter, knuckles turning white. The man wasn’t the reason her father was dead – that had just been unfortunate circumstances – but he was the one who tried to drop a building on top of her. She should thank the smarmy asshole. Possibly with a knife plunging into his throat.

It was odd to be outside in the daylight. Central was a different city in the sunshine. Riza could almost imagine living here as a child, playing in her garden with her mother and father, the sun warming her skin. Almost. After her fifth birthday, when an aptitude for alchemy begins to manifest in children, she never really went outside again. She saw the sun less and less. Then those memories got buried for so long Riza had forgotten all about them.

The darkness was when Central’s true nature was revealed. Patrols were upped in frequency at night. The townspeople were asleep, so Bradley’s men were more relentless as nobody was awake to see how much of a monster the leader of this country was.

Riza had seen enough in her time. Enough to cause a burning hatred for the man looking over the crowds from the comfort and luxury of his carriage.

This “kindly old man” was the same person who had condemned thousands of people to death all because they couldn’t perform alchemy. He discriminated against people like Riza so that he could create a seat of absolute power and no one would challenge him, and he had succeeded. It had been a long time coming, but the resistance was finally ready to put a stop to him.

“Ready,” Havoc whispered, his words muffled by the cloth covering his face. His gaze flicked to the rooftops across from them where she knew Fuery was waiting. Breda was on the next rooftop to Fuery’s left while Falman was on her and Havoc’s right. The latter’s arm was still strapped up in a brace – and should _not_ have been in the field according to Riza – but they needed all the help they could get.

“This is our final mission,” Havoc had told her when he showed up to Grumman’s meeting that morning, the true meaning of his words not lost on her. “I won’t miss it and you can’t keep me back.”

It wasn’t that Riza didn’t trust in his ability. Whenever he was awake, he was training using his good hand and had become very proficient in being able to defend himself. He was formidable with a blade once more.

It was the thought of him dying that filled her with fear. She couldn’t live without him, _refused_ to live in a world where Jean Havoc was no longer alive and breathing. So, she paired him up with her so she could provide back up. She trusted her team implicitly, but for her own peace of mind, Riza needed to be the one to watch over him.

_That way, if he does die, you would know it really was your fault for getting him out there in the first place._

Riza shook herself, focussing on the task at hand.

The convoy was reaching the engagement point. Once Bradley passed the nondescript building at the end of the street, the assassins would begin their assault. The confusion and panic of the crowd would cover their tracks somewhat and would allow a brief window where they could move and launch their attack.

“In case anything happens –”

“It won’t.”

“Hawkeye –”

“It _won’t_ ,” she ground out, eyes never leaving Bradley’s carriage. “We’ve come too far for it to end here.”

A hand was placed on her shoulder, squeezing it tightly. Riza swallowed the lump in her throat, blinking her eyes clear quickly.

“Thank you, Riza. For everything. It’s been an honour to know and work with you.”

Riza didn’t turn but lifted her hand to the one on her shoulder. They didn’t need to share words. They had already said enough back at the Keep, but now, in the moment, everything seemed very real and the possibility that they might not make it through this day grew larger.

A cry to “halt” went up and the carriage stopped. Riza’s stomach clenched as she spotted Roy standing in the middle of the parade line. The alchemists in front of Bradley moved to stand defensively, noting who was currently blocking their path. The same alchemists who did nothing to save him while under Bradley’s torture.

“Let’s move,” Riza whispered. The street had fallen silent and Riza could feel the uncertainty in the air from the crowd. The voices below them echoed as they crouched and moved closer to line up with the alchemists below.

“Bradley,” Roy called out, standing steadfast in front of his former comrades. His eyes were focussed on the Fuhrer and him alone.

“The prodigal son returns,” Bradley replied, voice calm.

“It’s time to end this.”

“End what?” he asked, eye narrowing.

“Your tyranny.”

A murmur went through the crowd however Bradley didn’t appear to be too concerned. Many alchemists were ignorant to the way the world worked and that was all part of Bradley’s plan. Propaganda was pushed day in and day out by those who worked for the Fuhrer, hiding away their darkest secret of the mines to the north and the east.

With a muffled _snap_ , flames shot from where Roy was standing straight towards Bradley. Riza rose from her crouch and burst into a sprint, racing for the end of the building. In her peripherals she could see Fuery and Breda running across from them, while Falman was ahead. Riza’s foot made contact with the edge of the rooftop and she pushed, flying into the air. There was a moment where she was suspended high above the crowds, eyes scanning the crowd below as she waited for gravity to take hold and plummet her towards the earth. That same, old, thrill filled her as she begun to descend, the ground racing up to reach her.

Angling her legs, she struck an alchemist in the back, using their body to soften her fall. His face connected _hard_ with the cobblestone street then he didn’t move. With a roll, she came to a stop in a crouch, taking in the scene. Most were too shocked to move as they stared at her. _Good, makes my job easier_. They had to act quick. If they didn’t, and they all started using their alchemy, the fight would become even harder, and they _had_ to get to Bradley.

Smoke from Roy’s flames curled around the bodies, hiding the civilians from view. Their screams and cries of panic could still be heard as the whole of Bradley’s entourage fell silent in shock.

Riza sprang up the second Havoc landed next to her, knife aiming for the heart of the nearest alchemist.

* * *

That morning, Roy had dropped the bomb Riza had been fearing in the back of her mind.

“I was there.”

Riza slowly turned to face him. “What?”

“I was there. In the mines.” No. No, he hadn’t been. He was an alchemist, he wouldn’t have been in the mines, not even before she met him when they were children. That meant – “Not like you were, though.” He cast his eyes down to the floor of her bedroom.

Something clicked in her mind, finally understanding his meaning. He hadn’t been there as a slave. He had been there on behalf of Bradley. The ghost of a muffled explosion echoed in her mind, the screams of the dying innocents deafening her.

“No…”

“I – I wanted to tell you sooner, but I couldn’t, not while you were already reliving it. I had every intention of telling you.”

“And you decide to do it _now_?”

His eyes flashed with certainty and Roy nodded. “Yes. I’ve always wanted you to know the truth, but I didn’t have the heart to do it while you were already falling apart.”

Riza felt anger creep into her chest. He hadn’t lied to her, just held back. He had been to the mines and yet did nothing to help those who lived there. Yes, he had gotten close with Bradley to try and take down the system from within, but did _no one_ care about the slaves? If Riza had still been in there now, would he care about her? Why not propose to pull the officers out? Free the slaves?

 _Roy was already playing a very dangerous game, Riza,_ the voice in her head reminded her. _You have no idea what he risked getting to where he was with Bradley._

The memory of his battered and bloody body being brought into the Keep flashed in her mind. His false loyalties had already been punished, she didn’t need to do it to him again. It was very clear who’s side he was on.

Roy was with the resistance now, always had been, but the realisation that he had _really_ been one of Bradley’s men sunk in. Roy had done things for Bradley under his command and Riza was afraid to find out what. Kimblee had killed slaves in the mines. What if Roy had too?

Would she ever be able to forgive him?

 _He might have killed you back then, given the opportunity_.

The thought made her want to vomit.

“Riza, listen. I didn’t kill anyone, I promise.”

“How can I believe you?” she whispered, the memory of Kimblee’s murders never leaving her. “I was _there_ , I heard the screams. How do I know it wasn’t you?”

He looked hurt, and Riza was sorry for that, but she had to voice that question.

“Do you trust me?”

She did, before this revelation. Now…

 _He didn’t tell you to spare you from even more emotional trauma. He didn’t do it because you were already falling apart in his arms._ _You had fallen into the abyss, why was he so wrong to leave it for another time?_

 _He was protecting you_.

“Yes,” she nodded.

Roy let out a sigh of relief. It revealed a lot, the fact he had been seriously unsure of that answer. “I promise, I _will_ show you. I… I wanted to tell you in case anything happened today. I couldn’t bear the thought of you finding out and I wasn’t here to explain myself.” Riza’s stomach tensed and the thought of him dying becoming her reality rocked her to her core.

“When we go and liberate the slaves, I will show you,” Roy continued to explain. I only hope you can continue to trust me until then.” He sounded uncertain, almost fearful.

Even after all of this, she did trust him. She trusted Roy with her life and would continue to do so. He had proved time and time again he was with her and it was Riza’s turn to return the favour.

 _He did it to protect you, remember that_.

“I will. I always will.”

* * *

The battle was bloody. The assassins didn’t get much time before alchemy entered the fray, but they fought back themselves as Edward, Alphonse, and Alex Armstrong joined. The shock value of those three being resistance members also worked in their favour.

To be perfectly honest, Riza didn’t know _how_ they weren’t aware Edward was against Bradley. The boy cursed the man until he was blue in the face almost every day at the Keep. At least he understood the value of tact while in the presence of the enemy. Alphonse was the better one at hiding his true motives. And Armstrong? It was no wonder he had joined them after they had taken both his sisters away from his family and relocated him to the capital, alone.

Riza wasn’t sure how long she had been fighting for, but she was exhausted. There weren’t many alchemists left. At least there were more military blues lying on the ground than the assassin’s black. Some must have fled the scene. Riza straightened, eyes searching the carnage. Bradley _must_ still be here. He can’t have gotten away.

Down at the end of the street there was the _snap_ of Roy’s flames and the sound of metal clashing with metal. The smoke was too thick to see anything, so Riza made her way towards the sounds of battle, on high alert in case anyone jumped out from the smoke.

As Riza jogged by, she saw Kimblee on the floor, a large red stain on his white suit, vacant eyes staring up at the blue sky above them.

 _Good riddance_.

Riza hadn’t been the one to do it, but she thought how the world seemed like a much better place without that snake in it. She had helped fulfil her and Havoc’s silent promise to those slaves Kimblee had killed. They had made him pay for what he did.

As the smoke cleared in the late morning breeze Riza saw something that made her choke and stop dead. Bradley had Roy pinned to the ground on his back. The Fuhrer’s swords skewered his hands while Bradley knelt on top of him.


	24. so i risk it all just to be with you, and i risk it all for this life we choose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now you can be free of last chapter's cliffhanger  
> all the chapters have now been written so they'll be posted as soon as they're edited. i anticipate by wednesday this fic will be all done! that's crazy!  
> p.s. sorry roy : (

**_so i risk it all just to be with you, and i risk it all for this life we choose_ **

There was a gasp of pain as the Fuhrer ripped the blade from Roy’s right hand, blood spraying everywhere, only for it to lower once more.

“NO!” Riza felt the shout tear from deep within her soul as she watched Bradley’s sword pierce Roy’s torso. His back arched then shuddered in pain before hitting the ground hard. She felt frozen as she saw the end of the blade poking through his back.

Suddenly, Havoc was next to Bradley, his sword aiming right for his neck. The Fuhrer sidestepped, taking the blade piercing Roy’s body with him, but Havoc’s sharp blade nicked his skin. The two sprang away from Roy’s body, Havoc looking _pissed_. Fuery, Falman, and Breda all joined their comrade, each trying to land a blow on Bradley. However, Riza didn’t pay any attention to it. She couldn’t.

“Roy!” she cried, knees skidding painfully along the stone as she slid to his side. He groaned, blood pouring from his wound steadily. She pressed one of her hands against it to try and stop the flow, making him gasp in pain. “No…” she whispered desperately, brain working overtime to try and think of a way to help him.

“Riza?” he gasped, eyes flying open as his body trembled. His shoulders rose up off the ground as his body reflexively tried to curl in on itself, an instinct to protect itself from the pain, but it made his abdominal muscles contract, aggravating the injury even more. “You’re here.”

“I am.” She placed her clean hand on top of his head, smoothing down his hair. “Please, stay still,” she whispered, tear tracking down her cheek. “I’ll get Marco to help you.”

“Please,” he replied, gripping her hand weakly. “Stay.”

Her stomach dropped upon hearing his tone. There was a finality to it that Riza refused to hear. “No, you’ll be fine,” she retorted fiercely, gripping his hand tighter. “Let me go and get Marco –”

“Riza?” His eyes were wide and desperate, blood tricking out of his mouth. “Please…”

“Stop it!” she cried. “Stop it! I _won’t_ let you die.” Her voice lowered, hoarse with emotion. “I don’t want to live in a world without you, Roy, so _please_ … Hang on.”

“Hawkeye!” was a cry to her right. She spun, hand never leaving Roy’s. Ling Yao ran towards them both with his two bodyguards following close behind. “Do you two need help?”

“He needs Doctor Marco,” she choked out. “Now!”

“I’ll find him,” Ling replied, meeting her gaze with determination. “Stay strong,” he added, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Lan Fan, Fu. Help the assassins take down that monster. I’ll return soon.” Without another word Ling’s two shadows were on the move, jumping into the fray. “I’ll be back soon,” Ling reassured her, taking off in the opposite direction in a sprint.

“Riza…” She turned, knees grinding painfully on the cobbles. “It hurts,” he whimpers, face scrunching up in pain. Panic welled within her at how his eyes briefly became unfocussed. The grip on her hand tightened as he rode out a wave of pain, a groan leaving him. Riza turned fully, taking his hand in both of hers.

“I know it does,” she choked out. “I know. I’m sorry,” she sobbed, unable to hold back.

She _refused_ to live in a world without him and that reality was very quickly becoming true. She couldn’t do it, she wasn’t strong enough. Roy had breezed back into her life and brought happiness and love with him. To think that in a few minutes it could all be gone…

“Roy,” she commanded, placing both hands on his cheeks, dragging his attention to her face. “You’re _not_ allowed to die; do you hear me?” There was a cry of pain from the fight with Bradley and Riza’s stomach dropped as she saw Fuery crash painfully to the ground. Bile rose in her throat as she saw Falman was the only one still standing. She needed to help them. If she didn’t, Bradley would kill them all, but she couldn’t leave Roy, not at a time like this.

_If you stay and Falman falls, Bradley will kill him anyway, and you along with him._

“ _That’s called having something to live for_ ”. That thought echoed in her head, silencing her panic. _So fucking fight for it, Riza_.

“Go,” Roy urged quietly. Turning back, she saw him smirk. She loved his smile… It wasn’t going anywhere, she decided. They had been through too much for her to panic and freeze now. She would fight for his life and fight for their future. “Give him hell. For both of us.”

While a tear rolled down her cheek, Riza pressed a kiss to his lips. She didn’t think about how cool they felt. A sigh left Roy, a smile appearing on his face as his clear gaze met hers.

 _It’s time to fight. Fight for him_.

She sprang to her feet, charging at Bradley with renewed vigour. Adrenaline coursed through her veins alongside the burning hatred she felt for the man before her. Falman froze as she assaulted the Fuhrer, temporarily stunned at her ferociousness.

“It’s no use girl,” Bradley sneered. “You won’t beat me.”

“I will,” she snarled, stabbing for his throat then feinting to the left as he met her head on. He was incredibly fast. She struggled to get near him. “For all the people you’ve killed, the ones you’ve tortured, we _will_ win this.”

Riza spun away as he continued to swing, dodging his attacks easily. This wasn’t alchemy, she knew that much. The question had cropped up when Ed and Al explained what had happened in Central when she had returned with Scar. He really was just _that fast_. This wasn’t good, especially for her. Riza’s anger and hatred was fuelling her but she had already been exhausted before she discovered Roy’s current state. She wouldn’t last much longer.

The ground beneath her feet rumbled, causing them both to pause. A spike rose up from the ground in between them, forcing Bradley to jump back a step.

“Come here, you bastard!” Edward yelled angrily, rising from his crouch to sprint towards them. Alphonse was close behind, followed by Scar and Olivier. Riza smiled, dodging just in time as Bradley used her distraction against her. His sword bit into her hip and Riza hissed. She sprang away, retreating as the two brothers spearheaded the fight.

“Are you all right?” Olivier asked, coming to stop beside her. Riza brought a hand to her hip, wincing as the movement made her skin stretch painfully.

“I’m fine. Where’s Marco?” she asked, whirling around to turn back to Roy. She heaved a sigh of relief as she saw the doctor hunched over Roy’s form. Something inside pulled her back to Roy, but she had to win this fight. She was fighting for _them_ and that was something she would never give up.

“He’s here. He’s been helping the wounded.” She caught movement in her peripherals and saw Havoc pull himself into a sitting position. Another knot in her stomach loosened. Fuery and Breda also begun to move and groan in pain.

“Ready?” Olivier asked, looking towards the Fuhrer while her hand gripped her sword tightly.

Riza nodded. “Let’s finish this.”

Ed and Al were in the thick of it, alchemically crafted stone rising from the cobbles beneath them, heading straight for Bradley. Scar dodged Bradley’s swords easily and was the only one who could get close enough to him to land a scratch.

“Ed! Al!” Riza called. “Back up!” Alphonse did immediately but Edward didn’t. He kept pressing the Fuhrer, his face twisted in anger. “Ed!” Riza tried again. There was no stopping the eldest Elric. She knew there wouldn’t be, but Scar was the only one who could keep up with Bradley.

“He’s mine,” Scar snarled as he lunged for Bradleys, his hand landing on the Fuhrer’s arm.

“You’re not the only one with a score to settle!” Ed yelled back, slapping his hands down on the ground. His automail arm had been crafted into a blade.

“He killed all my people,” Scar barked, eyes never leaving the source of their anger, who smirked as he parried Scar’s hand before it could do any damage, slicing at his hand. “He’s _mine_.”

Edward halted, jumping back a few steps. Scar landed another hand on Bradley, blue energy crackling around it. The next thing Riza saw as she dodged his swinging blade was a large spray of blood. She felt it splatter against her body. Looking up, she heard Bradley cry out, his right arm missing. Had Scar… blown his arm off? There was nothing on the ground, it was just… gone.

Scar grabbed Bradley’s bowed head with his other hand before bringing the one that had blown his arm off to his head. Before he could perform his transmutation though, Bradley forced his sword through Scar’s side. He gasped, staggering backwards. Edward growled beside her, kicking back to life. The pair of them, along with Alphonse, had simply watched, transfixed by the dance Bradley and Scar had been locked in. They were both incredibly fast. In her weakened state, Riza’s brain could barely keep up. Wetness still trickled out between her fingers.

Fire engulfed Bradley quicker than Riza could blink. The heat pushed her back, flames licking at the Fuhrer’s body as it burned, his screams filling the suddenly very quiet street. Scar had jumped backwards in surprise, not expecting the sudden heat.

It was a horrifying scene. Red energy crackled around the Fuhrer very briefly. It was like alchemy, but a different colour. She had never seen alchemy that was red before.

However, there was only one person who could create flames like that.

Tearing her eyes away from Bradley’s melting flesh, she saw Roy sitting up, face a grimace. One of his hands had been raised, but quickly fell to the ground, the effort to keep it raised too much for him. Armstrong sat behind him, propping him up, while Marco was by his side, the three of them watching the scene before them.

Roy’s eyes met hers and the faintest smile appeared on his face before his eyes closed and head went limp.

There was nothing but ash in the middle of the street now.

_They had done it. Bradley was gone._

Riza’s feet instantly began to move towards Roy. She broke into a run, coming to rest beside his unconscious form.

“He needs to get to the Keep,” Marco told her and Armstrong. “I can only treat so much out here, and he needs blood. He’s lost too much.”

“I will take him there myself,” Alex announced, lifting Roy up off the ground. His muscles flexed as he lifted him effortlessly. In Alex Armstrong’s arms, Roy looked so tiny. He was bloody and broken once more because of Bradley and this time Riza hadn’t been able to stop it. “Doctor Marco, please come with us.”

“I will.”

Riza didn’t leave Roy’s side.

They were the first to reach the infirmary. Half an hour or so later, more people began trickling in. None were unconscious, but they wore sorrow on their faces. They had lost a lot of their numbers today, but they _had_ been victorious. Bradley was defeated. Grumman had dispatched himself to Central Headquarters along with Olivier after the battle, Riza had been told, to take over command. All that information took the backseat in her mind because the only thing she was concerned about was Roy.

When Havoc walked into the infirmary and their eyes met, he made a beeline for her. Riza rose from her seat to meet his embrace. She was crushed against his chest and Riza could feel the urge to let go almost overwhelm her.

They had done it.

Almost everything they set out to do nine years ago had finally been completed. There was one task left – freeing the slaves – but that would happen tomorrow. They needed rest and they needed a break. As much as it pained Riza to think that, she would need all the energy she could muster to free them.

“First thing tomorrow,” Havoc whispered against her hair. “I promise, we’ll finish this _completely_.”

Riza nodded. “Together.”

Havoc placed a kiss against the top of her head. Half a second later, his attention was taken away.

“Jean?” Rebecca called as she burst into the room. “Is he here?” she asked, voice frantic. Although Riza missed the comfort of her friend, she wouldn’t keep him from his reunion.

“I’m here, Becca.”

She sighed in relief and Riza saw tears prick at the corner of her eyes. Rebecca ran towards him, throwing her arms around Havoc’s neck and he held her close with his good arm, his eyes closing tightly as he held the person he loved.

 _Too bad the person you loved is nearing their deathbed once again_.

Riza shoved that voice in her head away as pain blossomed in her chest. She backed up, giving the two some space, and returning to the chair by Roy’s bedside. It felt like a lifetime ago she had been in this position. Here she was again, worrying over him. Once again, he had been hurt by Bradley. If it were possible, Riza would bring the bastard back from the dead so she could kill him herself. That was what he deserved.

As Havoc and Rebecca spoke quietly with one another, Riza shut it out. She was happy for Havoc, but in her emotionally compromised state, she just wanted to be held and reassured. Havoc had always done that for her, but now he had another. Her person was Roy, and he was unable to as well. A tear escaped down her cheek.

She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning to her left she saw Havoc smiling sympathetically back at her, taking up a chair at Roy’s bedside. She opened her mouth to ask him what he was doing, but no sound left her.

“You didn’t think I was going to leave you, did you?”

“But Rebecca –”

“She understands.”

“And I’m right here,” Rebecca chimed in, placing a chair beside Havoc’s. Riza watched her, stunned. “I’m not going to let Jean leave you like this. Plus, I know exactly what you’re going through.” She shot Havoc a look. “Maes kept those of us at Christmas’ Bar up to date on what happened in Central when Bradley attacked you guys before.” Riza watched as a pained expression overtook her face. “I didn’t know if Jean was all right and Maes couldn’t make contact to find out, but in Christmas’ Bar you hear things.”

“That’s what that letter was about,” Havoc explained, taking Rebecca’s hand in his. “It explained I was okay and that I was alive.”

“So am I _hell_ leaving you like this, Riza. My man is okay, let’s make sure yours is as well.”

Riza felt tears prick her eyes. She was touched. She hadn’t had the chance to get to know Rebecca very well. Things had been too hectic around the Keep after the attack and dealing with everything that happened to Roy. To think Rebecca would sit with her and offer her support and comfort like this meant more than anything to Riza.

Havoc chuckled and squeezed her shoulder in comfort once more as Riza tried to blink away her tears.


	25. we are bursting through the barricades and reaching for the sun (we are warriors)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only two chapters left to post how did that happen ;_;  
> i struggled for a while on what lyric to use for this chapter and i think this fits perfectly because these mf'ers are warriors and have been through so much

**_we are bursting through the barricades and reaching for the sun (we are warriors)_ **

“What?” Riza asked, voice low and controlled as she turned to face Grumman.

“That’s not a priority right now,” he repeated, looking at her over the top of his glasses. “You’ll remain here. We need all the assassins here in order to control and subdue the alchemist, should they revolt.” Riza felt fury rise within her. She _knew_ Grumman didn’t care about the slaves in the mines.

She fucking knew it.

“Hawkeye?” Olivier’s voice was low, a warning, and she placed a hand on her forearm. It was meant to calm her, but it didn’t. Riza’s fury only grew. She shrugged her off. In the back of her mind she felt slightly bad about doing so, but she was too angry to concentrate on that feeling.

“I’m not leaving them.”

Grumman eyed her steadily, challenging her, _daring_ Riza to go against him. “Hawkeye, you _will_ remain here. That’s an order.”

“No.”

Her grandfather’s eyes flashed dangerously. “You dare defy me?”

“Those people _were_ _me_ , ten years ago. Am I _fuck_ leaving them in there any longer than they need to be.”

“Hawkeye –”

“I still bare the scars,” she hissed. “I’ve got a constant reminder, both physical and mental, about my time there.” Grumman winced. “You don’t because you were lucky enough not to face it. _None_ of you were,” she barked, looking in the eyes of every person in the room. Olivier slightly sympathetic and Grumman averted his gaze back down to the table he was leaning over. “Don’t ask me to sit here in my life of luxury while they still suffer. I won’t forget about them like you appear to have done.”

“I’m not asking you too,” Grumman replied, finally losing his patience. “I’m _asking_ you to remain here and fight the battle that is already raging within the city.”

“Bradley is dead, his influence gone. I won’t let you make excuses.”

“Hawkeye,” he barked, attempting to get her under control but Riza was far past the point of that. She had said from day one, told _him_ , that she would do whatever it took to liberate the slaves there, and her grandfather promised he would help. Now, when he could assume a seat of power, that promise was forgotten about. “Control yourself.”

“No, _fuck you_ , sir,” she spat, finally losing control. Riza would be a liar if she said it didn’t feel good to finally do so. “I’m going and if you try and stop me, I won’t hesitate to kill you, grandfather or not.” Olivier looked extremely surprised about that revelation. She often forgot nobody knew about their true relationship. If this was how Grumman acted after seeing the conditions there, Riza didn’t want anything to do with him.

Thinking back, he had always postponed or shot down ideas of hers and Havoc’s to liberate those in the mines, opting to focus on the fight here in Central first.

Well, no longer. The main threat had been eliminated and Riza wasn’t going to wait around anymore. She had already waited for nine years. Grumman called her angrily back into his office as she stormed out. The door slammed behind her, shaking in the doorframe.

“When do we leave?” Havoc asked suddenly from behind her. In her anger Riza hadn’t realised he had been leaning against the wall outside Grumman’s office.

She faltered, turning to look at him. “You heard?”

He nodded, jaw set and eyes alight with a fire she hadn’t seen in a long time. Not since he had stood over her battered body in that dark cell. Li had hugged a nearly unconscious Riza protectively to her chest, the pair of them protecting her from Bradley’s officers. Havoc had readily accepted the punishment for Riza while she had begged him not to. That fire she had seen in his eyes when he turned to look at her ignited her own and continued to fuel her to this day.

If Havoc was willing to fight for her, protect her as a slave, then she would do the same for him, and for them.

“Every fucking word. So, when do we leave?” He bent at the waist to receive a bag which he shrugged onto his back. He tossed hers to her. Shaking his arm, the appendage finally free from its sling, he looked ready for action.

Riza blinked, first down at the bag in her hands, then at her old friend. He smirked, expression softening.

They were in this together. Till the bitter end.

A sound from inside Grumman’s office drew their attention away. Footsteps approached the door rather rapidly.

“Now.”

The two took off at a sprint to the dining room. Grumman yelled at them from his office, but they didn’t stop. There were still lives at stake and they both wouldn’t slow down for anything. Not until every slave was free.

Fuery jumped at the sudden intrusion on his work in the dining room. His eyes widened as Riza and Havoc tore into the room, slamming the door behind them. Havoc pulled a chair over to the door, locking it in place under the handle so it couldn’t be opened.

“What – What are you guys doing?” Fuery asked nervously.

“Heading east,” Riza replied as she pulled away the rug covering the trap door. Hauling it open she paused, meeting Fuery’s widened gaze. His eyes snapped to the door as someone banged on it loudly after failing to gain entry with the door handle.

“Can you give us five minutes?” Riza pleaded. He was a good kid. He didn’t deserve to be dragged into this. Riza didn’t want to kill her grandfather, but she wouldn’t abandon her people.

Determination set in Fuery’s features. “Of course.”

Both assassins thanked him as they slipped into the tunnels, taking off at a run. She heard the door closed quietly behind them along with the sound of the rug scraping over the wood.

It took days to travel to the mines. The two horses they had procured from the stable under the Keep’s influence were bred for their stamina, but even they needed rest. Anxiety pooled in Riza’s stomach at what they might find when they got there.

Everyone might be dead. It was a possibility. Bradley organised and set up those mines, so he could have set up an order that if anything were to happen to him, the mines were to be purged. Plus, they still had the one up north to liberate too. How two assassins were going to do that alone, Riza wasn’t sure, but she would rather die trying than sit on her ass while her people still suffered for no reason. The scars on her back tingled.

On the third day, about twenty miles out from the mines, they heard a horse approaching. She and Havoc shared a look before jumping up from where they had been sitting while the horses rested. She grabbed onto the branch above her head, swinging her legs up and disappearing into the leaves while Havoc did the same.

To see Roy ride into view, altering his course immediately for their camp when he spotted the horses.

 _What_ was he doing here?!

“Riza?” he called, but not too loudly. He obviously didn’t want to draw attention to himself. “Havoc?” He clutched his injured side, expression pained. Why… _Why_ was he here. He hadn’t even been awake when Riza visited him the morning they left. If he had caught up with them already… He had left the same day they had.

The pair shared a look, Havoc’s shock mirroring her own. He then shrugged and mouthed “it’s up to you”. She supposed it was. If anyone else had caught up with them they probably would have remained hidden, but Roy, and especially with him in this state… This task was something she had been building up to her entire life. This was the one goal that had dominated her mind since getting out of those mines. Roy wouldn’t try to stop her, would he? If he did then…

She couldn’t give up on these people, _her_ people. She had suffered just like they were now. If Roy tried to stop her from trying to set them free, then he was no better than Bradley. He would no longer have a place in her life.

Havoc nudged her with his arm, as if sensing she was overthinking this. He jerked with his head, indicating he knew exactly what she was going to do. He knew her too well.

Roy loved her. He wouldn’t try to take this away from her.

Riza dropped from the tree, startling him. Once calmed, he offered her a soft but tight smile and the knot in her stomach eased slightly.

“Hey. I’m glad I caught up with you,” he smirked, but it quickly fell, replaced with a grimace in pain.

“ _What_ are you doing here?” she asked, rushing to meet him worriedly. The hand on his side never moved. “You should be in the infirmary. You’re clearly not fit to be riding!” she fussed, helping him down from the horse. A brief flash of pain crossed his face, a hiss escaping him as he lowered himself down.

“I want to help,” he panted, closing his eyes briefly once on the ground. His arm had wrapped around Riza’s shoulders for support. She placed a hand on his chest to keep him upright. “Listen, you’re both not at one hundred percent yet after the fight with Bradley. Neither am I, but an extra set of hands would help against the hundreds of guards in there.”

“I’ll check the perimeter,” Havoc murmured to her before disappearing into the trees.

“Edward and Alphonse are close behind me,” he explained before gasping in pain as he sat next to their fire. Worry pooled in her gut at his state. His face was pale, _too_ pale. “So is Marco.”

“What?” she blinked. “Why?”

“They wanted to help too. Marco is here because of me.”

“But… _Why_ are you here? You’re still hurt, you should be –”

“Riza,” he interrupted, his eyes meeting hers. “I wasn’t going to let you fight this alone. I said I would do anything to help you and that I would fight by your side. I meant it.”

“But you’re _bleeding_ –”

“I wasn’t going to let you face that again alone.” She opened her mouth to correct him. “I know Havoc is here too, but he was as emotionally traumatised by the place as you were. What happens if he was out of commission and you needed him? What then?” Riza hadn’t considered that and didn’t want to admit it. Roy grasped her hand tightly. “We all want to help you, believe me. Please let us,” he pleaded, eyes earnest. “Don’t burden just yourselves with it anymore. I want that place free just as much as you do.”

“Mustang!” Edward called. “About time we found you. You took off like a bat out of hell.”

His earnest eyes turned to hers. “I said I would explain everything about by time there. Let me have the chance before it’s possibly destroyed.”

Riza’s stomach clenched. She’d forgotten that little titbit of information, that Roy had been here before.

As one of Bradley’s men.

Like Kimblee, who’s actions haunted her dreams still to this day. In what should be the comfort of her own bed, she felt cold rock beneath her body rumbling in the aftershocks of explosions.

 _He’s dead_ , she kept telling herself. _He’s dead and can’t torment you anymore_.

All mention of it was dropped as Edward reached them, berating Roy for running off without him. Marco joined in, muttering under his breath about the “damn fool trying to get himself killed”.

It only creeped up again when they reached the mines.

“Ah, Mr. Mustang. It’s been a while since your last visit.” Riza stiffened. “Are you here for another tour?” Roy shifted beside her and Havoc, obviously uncomfortable. Then she remembered that Havoc wasn’t aware Roy had been here.

He _had_ been like Kimblee.

Riza felt an ache develop deep in her chest. It made her want to turn and yell at him, beg him to explain that this officer was wrong, run away from the thought that while Riza heard screams in the middle of the night, it might have been Roy and his flames.

She froze. They were here for a job. Roy had explained himself to her, promised he hadn’t taken any of the lives here, and asked her to trust him on that. He said he would show her what he’d done. That thought didn’t sit well with her, but as she ejected a blade from its hidden slot in her forearm, she chose to trust him. However, no matter how much she repeated that in her head as they fought their way through Bradley’s men, declining the offer of a “tour”, it didn’t settle the feeling in her gut.

The trio finally stopped what felt like hours later, but in reality it was only half an hour of fighting their way to the main control room at the top of the mines. Havoc and Riza bent over at the waist and resting their hands on their knees as they looked around them at the dead officers on the floor. Roy stood slightly off to the left, keeping watch down the hallway they had just left, fingers poised to snap at anyone who dared challenge them.

An image of flames ravishing the caves below them, the screams of people filling her ears.

Riza strode over to the announcement system. From this room the head officer would transmit commands to their colleagues. “Attention officers of the eastern mines,” she began, the force of her anger towards this whole operation shining clear in her words. “Fuhrer Bradley is dead. Please report to Head Office immediately. Abandon your posts at once and regroup to receive further orders.” Tossing the piece of tech away from her and back onto the desk, Riza scoffed at the paperwork there, detailing the ins and outs of the stone that had been transported out of the mines.

“Riza, listen –”

“We have a job to do,” she barked, taking up a defensive stance before the door. “Get behind us.” Havoc shrugged past Roy, coming to rest beside Riza with his blades up. His anger rolled off his body in waves and Riza felt it. There had been no time to explain the situation to her old friend and Riza could only imagine what he was thinking right now, the betrayal he felt.

“I can explain –”

“I don’t need an explanation,” she spat. She didn’t. She had lived it. “I was _here_ , remember? I knew very well what went on in here with you State Alchemists.” Throwing his former title back in his face would have been satisfying if she hadn’t felt to betrayed.

_How could he have done that? To these people?_

It could have been her. He could have been ordered to kill her all those years ago. Would he have done it? Would he even have recognised her?

“You said you would trust me,” Roy replied. “You said you would allow me to explain myself,” he reminded her.

She had, but seeing just how friendly these officers had been with Roy when they first arrived…

_The officers he just killed._

The sound of footsteps drew her up short. Banishing thoughts from her mind was her speciality, so Riza did it once more so she could finally put a stop to this nightmare.


	26. when i stop and see you here i remember who all this was for

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i adore the title of this chapter and after reading this you’ll hopefully understand why ;_;

**_when i stop and see you here i remember who all this was for_ **

"Hawkeye?” Edward called cautiously. Riza straightened in relief, followed by Havoc.

“In here,” she called back.

“They’re coming,” Ed announced, jogging up to meet them. Alphonse and Marco followed close behind. To her surprise, Scar was there too. His injured arm was bandaged up and she guessed he was here for the same she and Havoc were.

She nodded. “Get ready everyone.”

“Hawkeye?” She turned to see Havoc holding Roy upright. The latter was holding his side once more, a red stain appearing on the side of his shirt. Despite her anger, worry and concern polled in her stomach.

“Havoc, take my place.” Taking over the mantle of propping Roy up, she directed him away from doorway where more footsteps sounded.

“You need to help them,” Roy urged weakly, a groan of pain leaving him.

“You’re hurt,” she replied simply, as if it was obvious. Their group exited the office, Havoc announcing that if the officers surrendered, they would be shown mercy.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, eyes closing against the pain. “I didn’t mean for it to be like this.”

“Just rest,” she replied. Her anger dissipated.

“I can’t. Not until things are set right.”

“Roy –” she begun to protest.

“No. This has been with me for years and it’s the one thing I’m actually proud of doing during my time here and with Bradley.”

“What are you talking about?” she frowned, considering he might be delirious. Roy shook his head then they were interrupted by Marco.

“I don’t know _why_ you felt the need to leave the infirmary like this Mustang,” Marco scolded for the umpteenth time.

“I had to.”

“You didn’t need to exert yourself so much you almost passed out,” he snapped back. “Not to mention twice. This self-destructive behaviour will only get you killed. No one wants to see that happen a third time.”

_He had almost passed out on his way here? Twice?_

“There was something important I had to do,” Roy shrugged. “It was worth it,” he added, meeting Riza’s gaze. Marco scoffed quietly and begun to mutter under his breath while he healed Roy with alkahestry.

Riza winced when she saw the state of his stomach. There was a cross of scars along his abdomen. Two where he had been stabbed by Bradley and the others were burn marks. She shuddered at the sight, heart constricting painfully as she thought about how much he had suffered and continued to do so. She hadn’t wanted this for him. Since Roy had joined the resistance it had brought him nothing but pain. Riza only hoped he didn’t resent her for that fact.

* * *

“Come with me.” When Riza didn’t move, only eyed Roy cautiously, he begged. “Riza, please. This will explain everything.”

She didn’t want to. Going back down there… It would take a lot. Even stepping outside the office where the stone walls were so much like the walls down there… In the heat of the battle she hadn’t noticed it, the distraction being her mind’s best friend. However, now there was nothing, just the uncertainty and anxiety she felt towards what Roy’s reveal would be.

Most of the officers had surrendered. They had tied them up and placed them in the hallway where they had fought those who resisted. They would be transported to the Keep where they would be held before being moved to Central Headquarters and imprisoned for their crimes against humanity.

It was a hard pill to swallow, but Roy had been one of those people who were tied up outside. He had been present while people were murdered in those mines. Roy hadn’t mentioned anything about helping them, so what exactly did he want to show her? That weight that had been crushing her chest since that officer recognised him threatened to overwhelm her. Only when they had arrived here had that point of his life become a reality for Riza.

Regardless, she had promised she would give him the opportunity to do so, but going back down there, where he was pointing to…

 _You can do this_.

Riza nodded.

Havoc remained in the office, keeping an eye on their prisoners. He didn’t look happy about it, obviously anxious about leaving her with someone who had tormented people like them in the mines, but he reluctantly agreed. Edward, Alphonse, and Scar were dispatched down below into the cave to liberate the slaves and round up any more officers who were still skulking about.

Anger still manifested inside her, Riza realised as they walked. It was small, but it was there. _Why hadn’t he done anything here in the years prior to their meeting?_ That question would never leave her alone. She was angry with him, but Roy loved her. _That’s what he says_. He wouldn’t hurt her. _He might have done when you were in here_.

“Every State Alchemist is required to make regular trips here,” he explained as they moved. Riza hung back a few steps, ready to move should she need it. Roy signalled for the lift to rise to their floor and the chains cranked noisily, finally gaining enough tension to lift the platform towards them. “Bradley makes sure of it. I’ve been here twice before.” His tone was bitter and finally, Riza glanced over at him.

“We’re required to observe the practices here and ensure our presence quells any thought of revolt.” Roy shuddered. “I hated every minute. The only thing useful about it was I used that time to search for you, Riza, but obviously, that never happened. It was my last, desperate, resort, because I didn’t want to believe that you’d been subjected to something like this. I couldn’t, because my guilt would eat me alive. That’s what Hughes always told me anyway. I was more than ready to receive punishment for my failures. I should have protected you all those years ago, especially after realising your father wasn’t going to do it for you.

“I did, however, complete another task.”

The lift opened into the tunnels below. Riza froze up, inhaling sharply. So lost in her thoughts, the reality of where they were headed didn’t fully come to her.

The mines.

She couldn’t go back in there. The rock walls closed in on her suddenly, the added weight crushing her chest restricting her ability to breathe. Her hands rose to throat, feeling like she was suffocating as flashes of her time here filled her mind.

“Riza?” Roy called to her. The sound of approaching footsteps thundered in her mind, deafening her. Hands were placed on her shoulders, the weight pressing her even further down to the ground. It _hurt_. Then suddenly she was wrapped in his arms, arms crushing her against his chest. As much as she was angry at him, she clutched at him desperately, burying her face in his chest while trying to get a breath. His scent filled her. It usually calmed her but after the last couple of hours it made her want to cry.

 _How_ could he have willingly participated in this?

“I’ve got you. You’re going to be okay. I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think about where we were going. Let’s go back up, okay?”

She shook her head and Roy readjusted his grip, holding her even tighter. Every time he moved, she felt him wince. After trying to pull away, to stop him from hurting himself, Roy refused to let go, opting to murmur reassurances in her ear instead.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t even think. Let’s go back to Havoc. He’ll help –”

After one final deep breath, she replied. “No.” They way Roy had sounded so miserable when he spoke finally spurred her into motion.

“What?”

“Let’s finish this.” It terrified her, but she needed to do this.

“Riza –?”

She silenced him with another sigh. Composing herself, she pulled her head away, not meeting his gaze. “Let’s do it.” She pushed away and walked forward with a purpose. If she didn’t think about where she was going, keeping her eyes on the floor, she could trick her brain into thinking she was elsewhere.

Too long this place had held her hostage in her mind. It was time to face it head on. Her legs shook, hands trembled by her sides, but she would do it. It was time. Breaths quickening as it got darker, she ploughed forward, cursing Bradley and this place until she needed to gasp for air. Then she did it again. Being acutely aware of Roy beside her helped.

“Through here,” he directed, voice holding the concern he clearly felt for her. Riza realised she might not appear to be in the soundest state of mind, but she would whisper curses under her breath if it helped her get through this. There were painful marks in her palms as her nails dug into them. _A distraction. You need a distraction_.

 A wooden doorway was set in the stone wall, leading to another passageway. When the door opened, this hallway was darker and Riza froze.

“Talk,” she choked out, fighting off the darkness in her mind.

“What?”

“Please, just talk. Say anything.”

“… Right, sure. Okay.” Roy began to ramble about nothing of importance. She used his voice for something to hold onto, like a rope in this darkness, holding her steady and keeping her tethered to reality.

They had been walking for some time, around twenty minutes or so. Riza didn’t really notice it, all she was focussed on was the sound of Roy’s voice and keeping her breathing even.

“Here we go,” Roy announced, but all Riza saw was darkness. Slowly, as they approached, she felt a slight breeze and saw a faint light at the end of the tunnel. Exiting it, Riza raised her hand to shield her eyes from the bright sunshine. They were overlooking a valley outside the mines. Green fields stretched as far as they eye could see. There was a small village nestled at the bottom. “There,” Roy pointed.

“What about it?”

“I’ll show you.”

Another bout of walking – followed by a few stops to allow Roy to rest, his injured side still not leaving him at one hundred per cent, Riza noticed with a concerned frown – they arrived. It looked like any normal village. Riza didn’t understand what was so special about it.

“Mr. Mustang!” a woman cried happily. She had a bright smile on her face as she spotted him. Turning and altering her course, she left her companion in the middle of the street.

A teenager with blonde hair peeked around the woman, eyes scrutinising the two newcomers. “Who are they?” she asked. She was wearing overalls which were covered in grease and a set of goggles on top of her head.

“Winry, this is Mr. Mustang. He helped us escape when you were only a child.”

_Wait… Escaped?_

The girl – Winry – blinked. “He did?”

“Yes, and everyone else.”

“But… Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Winry asked, looking confused. “You said you got out yourself.”

Mrs. Rockbell looked between the girl and Roy. “He asked us not to mention it, in fear someone would overhear and report back to Central. He saved everyone here, honey, and we’re all very grateful to him. You were probably too young to remember. Please,” she beckoned to Roy. “Come with us and rest a while. It looks like you have a wound that needs looked at. Did this happen recently?” she asked in concern. Riza’s brain was still stuck a few seconds behind, stuttering and focussing on the fact that _he’d got all these people out_.

“Ah, thank you, Mrs. Rockbell.”

“Please, call me Sarah,” she laughed, waving his thanks off. “Mr. Mustang, it’s been years now and you still insist on being so formal.”

Roy grasped Riza’s hand and tugged her unresisting body along. She was too shocked to move herself. Roy had… _saved_ all these people?

“I got them out,” he murmured. “I asked those working in the mines if I could take them into that tunnel in order to control the damage of the flames. I used the excuse that I was still inexperienced and couldn’t control it, then built the tunnel out of there with alchemy. It’s rough, but it worked.”

She didn’t know what to say. There were around fifteen homes here, all filled with people, and they were all _happy_.

“I had to show you because if I didn’t, you would never believe me.”

Mrs. Rockbell continued to chat to Roy as they walked but Riza was barely paying attention, looking in disbelief around her.

One person drew her attention away from everything else. Riza zeroed in on the woman laughing with another man. A Xingese woman. Of their own accord, Riza’s feet turned and began to walk towards her. She heard Roy call her name uncertainly but didn’t register it. Her vision tunnelled to this one woman.

Noticing movement out the corner of her eye, the Xingese woman looked up and did a double take. Their eyes locked and Riza stood, frozen.

It was _her_.

It had been ten years since they last met but Li Yao hadn’t changed one bit. The only difference was her long black ponytail tumbling down the front of her dress. In the mines everyone’s hair was cut short, probably to stop people trying to strangle themselves with it to escape.

Li raised a hand to her mouth in shock, whispering something in Xingese. “Riza? Little Riza, is that you?”

Her mouth opened and closed like a goldfish, but no sound came out. Riza’s hands trembled by her side as her emotions begun to storm inside her, threatening to break free in an explosion of feeling.

Li muttered in Xingese again. “ _It’s her_.”

Riza broke.

As soon as she rushed forward Li opened her arms with a teary smile, encircling Riza in her embrace like she had done all those years ago. It felt like she was returning home. She didn’t care her sobs were drawing the attention of those around her. Riza didn’t mind that she felt like she was slowly unravelling once again because Li was _alive_.

“We thought you were dead,” Riza gasped in between sobs. “I thought you were dead.”

“We?” she asked, her accent just as thick as Riza remembered. Oh, how she had missed it. “Little Jean? He’s still alive?” Riza nodded. “ _Oh, thank the gods_ ,” she whispered in Xingese, holding Riza even tighter.

“But…” Riza raised her head, looking for Roy. He stood a few metres away, watching the exchange carefully. “You _saved_ her.”

“Yes, Mr. Mustang saved my life. I owe him my life.”

Roy smiled sheepishly. “I told you, that’s not necessary –”

“You saved my life and you’ve helped my Little Riza. I owe you my life,” she stressed.

“Ah, thank you.”

To think they had come so close in the past, but their paths never crossed… However, he had saved the life of the one person who had been a mother figure to Riza. She had been too young to really remember what her mother had been like. Nowadays she was a faceless figure with long blonde hair, her father had removed all the pictures from their home after she passed, but Riza would never forget her warmth.

“Come,” Li beckoned her, taking Riza’s hand. “We have a lot to catch up on.” Riza felt a laugh bubble in her chest. They certainly did. “I want to hear all about your life. Where is Jean? Is he nearby? You two were inseparable. Oh Riza, I’ve missed you so much.”

Riza basked in Li’s warmth once more, a small smile spreading on her face through the tears.


	27. you were the one i was meant to find

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and there we have it ;_; thank you all to EVERYONE who has read this and commented, reviewed, left kudos, all the good stuff  
> shoutout to tas and aoife for their endless support and commenting on every chapter and generally being as excited about this story as i have been  
> thank you to lexi for helping me with this idea back in december i can't believe the time is finally here to finish this  
> i can't thank you guys enough for all your support you're so good to me and i honestly can't believe it ;_; time to go cry over the fact this is finished and cry over all the kind words you guys have left in regards to this story  
> see you for the next one  
> peace

**_you were the one i was meant to find_ **

 

Riza wasn’t sure what would await her on her return to the Keep. Would she be punished for disobeying her grandfather? For threatening to kill him? Riza didn’t regret it. This had been her one task since she was sixteen years old and wasn’t going to let anyone get in the way of it. Plus, she had just liberated thousands of slaves. They were returning to Central so Scar could drop off the prisoners. Their team would need to rest but every one of them were more than ready to head up north to liberate the northern mines as well.

Grumman had obviously been made aware of their arrival because he stood outside the front door of the Keep, waiting for them to enter the gate. Riza had been supporting Roy as he walked but passed him over to Doctor Marco as Riza walked to meet her grandfather.

“A word in my office, please,” he requested coldly, turning on his heel to leave. Oliver, who had been by his side, blinked at his abrupt request, but simply gave Riza a shrug and followed him.

“If you need anything, just holler,” Havoc muttered, shooting her a look. Grumman wouldn’t _do_ anything to her, but anxiety still pooled in her stomach as she replayed how frigid his tone had been.

“Take a seat. Armstrong, would you give us a minute please?”

“Of course, sir.”

The door closed quietly behind Olivier and Grumman focussed his eyes on her. Behind those glasses lay the eyes of a scheming bastard. He looked like a kindly old man, but it was all an act. Grumman could be cold, calculating, and manipulative when he needed to be. Riza straightened minutely, ready for his little games.

“If you _ever_ threaten me like that again, I won’t be so lenient next time.”

“I’m not ashamed of what I did,” she replied simply.

Grumman’s eyebrow twitched. Suddenly, his whole demeanour changed. He looked around ten years older. Removing his glasses, he polished them on his tunic.

“I understand why you did it, but I didn’t appreciate the death threat.”

“You didn’t give me any other choice,” Riza fired back.

“Correct, I didn’t.” He replaced his glassed, bringing his gaze to meet hers. She saw the sorrow in his eyes, and it surprised her. This was unexpected. “I apologise.”

“For what?” Riza asked carefully.

“For appearing like I wasn’t supporting your goal.”

“You didn’t just _appear_ not to, you flat out refused to let me go.”

“I was being selfish. True, there was still a battle raging here and it needed to be fought and controlled, however the battle has been raging in those mines for decades.”

“Surely you understand why I left?” Riza asked.

“Of course, I do,” he frowned. “However, I was being selfish. I didn’t want you going back there.”

That stumped her. “Why?” she asked exasperatedly.

“Not on your own,” Grumman replied. “I took you out of that place, Riza, and I remembered the state you were in. I saw what that place had done to you and didn’t want to lose you to that darkness once again.”

Riza was stunned into silence. It all made sense now. She didn’t appreciate him not listening to her request and flat out denying her access to leave, but she understood his motive. “Regardless of your motive,” Riza told him. “It was a shitty response to my request. That was something I have been planning on and building up to or almost a _decade_. Imagine how I must have felt when you turned your back on me.”

“It was,” he admitted, an apologetic smile on his face. “I’m proud of you, Riza,” he added, abruptly changing the direction of the conversation.

“For what?” she asked, surprised. That was not the anticipated response.

“For the woman you’ve become. You fight what you think is right and help those in need. I couldn’t be prouder to call you my granddaughter.”

After struggling for a response, Riza’s posture relaxed. “Thank you.”

“I’ll personally see to it that a team is sent up north to liberate the slaves there. I would request you stay here and rest instead, but I know it won’t happen.”

“No, it won’t.”

Grumman chuckled. “I always admired your honesty. Very well. All I ask is that you rest up for the night and leave Mustang behind. He’s in not fit state to be riding, never mind fighting.”

“That’s something we both agree on.”

“Excellent. While that mission is running, I will fight to keep control here in Central. The civilians were in turmoil after Bradley fell. Suddenly we appeared and killed the man they had followed and believed in. It took a hell of a lot of convincing, but we manage to broadcast over the radio system the real events that transpired over the last twenty years. You have your friend, Hughes, to thank for that. The man is a natural politician. I’ve half a mind to take him on to oversee public relations when I assume power.”

“So, you’re definitely going for it?”

“Yes. There’s a power vacuum in Central and I believe – so do other members of the resistance – someone like us should be in control so that no one like Bradley will ever have that much control again. Alchemy has caused this country nothing but trouble when it has been in power, so we voted and opted to remove it completely from ruling the country. Obviously, alchemists will be welcome everywhere, just like non-alchemists will be, but I will propose that no alchemist will ever hold a seat of power like that again. At least, for another couple of decades.”

Riza agreed with that, always had. Alchemy was obviously a powerful tool in Bradley’s society and he only surrounded himself with the best of the best. Not many will support Grumman and he will need the assassins to keep the peace. The other task would be to uncover the whole conspiracy behind Bradley. He hadn’t been human, Riza knew that much. Alchemical power had rolled off him as he died. The alchemists all said they felt it too, like it was pouring out of his body as it disintegrated into ash.

“I think that would be wise. We don’t want a repeat.”

“Over time I’ll instate laws that ensure this never happens again. Should you have any ideas please don’t hesitate to pass them on. You’ve never steered me wrong so far.”

Riza’s expression softened. “Okay, I will.”

Grumman grinned at how uncomfortable she seemed at his compliment, probably thinking about how she hadn’t changed since she was a teenager. “You’re dismissed,” he announced. “Go and rest, you’ll need it after the last few days. Let me take care of the rest here.”

“Thank you, Grandfather.” He smiled his toothy grin as she left the room, where she promptly ran right into Havoc. He looked concerned as if afraid Grumman was going to punish her for their actions. She soothed his fears with a small smile and he breathed a sigh of relief.

“We did it,” she whispered, the reality finally sinking in. Riza took a shaky breath, tears pricking her eyes. The last decade of their lives had built up to this moment. Now that the future they sought was finally a reality, it was difficult to believe.

“We did.”

She smiled through her tears, letting out a laugh of disbelief, at the way Havoc’s voice trembled with his emotions. She took a step forward, wrapping her arms around his waist, crushing his body against hers. “God, that feels so good to say.”

Riza laughed again and agreed with him.

It really _did_ feel good to say.

After their tearful, but happy, revelation, Riza’s feet took her to the infirmary. Havoc revealed he was going to go for a much-needed sleep, but Riza couldn’t think of anywhere else she would rather be, than Roy’s side.

“Hey,” Roy greeted her with a tired smile once he spotted her. Riza perched on the edge of his bed. She grasped the fingers of one bandaged hand tightly, mindful for his damaged palms.

“These hands have been through to much,” she whispered, bringing one up to her mouth to kiss the bandage.

“They have, but I’d do it all again.” Riza glanced at him, seeing the sincerity in his eyes.

“That’s what scares me,” she admitted.

“I know you’d do the same, so I think we’re even on that front.”

Riza smirked. “You’ve got that right,” she murmured, inspecting his hands closely. His fingers curled around hers once more, drawing her attention away from them. “Please stop trying to die on me,” she half begged. “It’s becoming the most bothersome thing to live through.”

“Of course, my lady. Just for you, I will,” he teased, tugging her hand down towards his body, her body pitching forward, following it. Steadying herself by placing a hand by his hip, Riza lowered her head to kiss him.

They had made it. They were alive. The thought made her smile.

“What are you grinning about?” he asked, her grin obviously contagious.

“Oh, nothing,” she replied, kissing his chastely before raising herself back up to a sitting position.

“Humour me.”

She twirled the bed sheet around her fingers, focussing her attention on it. “You almost died. Again. Bradley stabbed you in the same place he did before and did a number on your hands.”

“Riza, I’m right here,” he replied softly.

“I know, but I keep thinking about how despite all that, despite _everything_ that has happened to us over the years, we made it.”

Roy grinned at her. “We did. Does that not prove something to you?”

“What?” she asked, curious.

“Perhaps we were meant to be together. You _were_ the person I was meant to find. Fate saw fit to allow us to find our way back to one another. We’ve remained by each other’s side through the best and the worst.” Roy’s eyes danced with happiness.

“Well,” Riza huffed a laugh. “We’ve certainly been through the worst.”

“Now it’s time for the best.”

A smile spread across her face. “Now it’s time for the best,” she agreed. She couldn’t wait.

* * *

“Down here,” Riza directed, pointing to the bottom of the garden. Havoc helped Li down the steep slope on the grass while Riza waited on them to catch up.

Li stood in front of her memorial grave with tears in her eyes.

“You both did this? For me?”

“Of course,” Havoc replied. “You saved our lives so many times. We would never forget that or forget you, but we wanted the others to know about you, and all you did, as well.”

She grabbed them both, an arm around each of their necks and pulled them in close for a hug while she cried happily. “ _You two kids…_ ” she murmured in Xingese. Riza found herself grinning in response, proud that she could use the skills Li taught her all those years ago to understand the woman in her native tongue.

“Hawkeye!” Ling called happily in greeting. Pulling away and turning to look up at the townhouse, she spotted the usual cheery smile on his face. He stood on the porch leading from the back door of the Keep and was obviously heading to the same spot they were. Riza grinned. _Boy, is he in for a surprise_. It appeared Fu had already figured it out because he remained by the door, frozen, and staring at Ling’s mother. Li’s expression mirrored Fu’s, but her attention was directed at her son. “Glad to see you’re up and about.”

“You too, Ling,” she replied. “There’s someone here to meet you,” Riza announced, Li clearly being too shocked to do anything but stare at her long-lost son.

“Who?” he asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“Your mother.”

* * *

“No!” Roy cried, fleeing from his pursuer. The child behind him giggled happily, small hands reaching out to try and grab him as he shuffled along the grass behind the Keep on his knees. The girl caught him, pulling on his tunic harshly. He gasped dramatically, falling over onto his back. The little girl bounced on his stomach and Roy let out a grunt of pain. The four-year-old was giggling happily, oblivious to how she had hurt him. “You got me!” he announced with another show of his dramatic skills.

“He’s good with kids,” Grumman commented, approaching Riza from behind and coming to rest his forearms on the porch railing next to her.

She smiled as she watched him lift the child onto his shoulders. She gripped his hair tightly, pulling left and right when she wanted him to turn direction. Riza laughed quietly to herself when she saw his grimace of pain.

“He is,” Riza agreed.

“This is… nice.”

“What is?”

“Seeing you outside in the sunshine,” he beamed. “It suits you. It’s done wonders for your skin.”

Riza agreed, it was welcome. The sun beat down on her and Riza embraced its warmth. It felt like so long ago she had been able to enjoy an afternoon like this. The entertainment was equally enjoyable as Roy let little Elicia direct him around the garden.

“It’s been great,” she replied, voice wistful. “To finally feel _free_ … This is something I’m not used to.” Her expression changed, the happy one becoming troubled. “I keep thinking that this isn’t real, that its not going to last.”

“Riza, it will. I’ll make sure of it. This is all I’ve ever wanted for you and I promised myself that I would see it through, even if it killed me.” She blinked in surprise back at him as he turned to face her. “You had your goal to liberate the slaves, mine was to liberate _you_.”

“What do you mean? You already did.”

Grumman shook his head. “Not from Bradley. He continued to haunt you for years. I saw in how you held yourself, how Havoc helped you through one of your episodes. I wanted to free my last remaining family member from that.

“I understand that your trauma will never truly go away,” he continued, turning to look back over the grass as Riza stared at him in shock. “So, does he,” he nodded at Roy. He laughed with Elicia as they ran around the grass, completely carefree and without worry. Riza felt herself soften at the sight. “But we will help you. _All_ of us.”

Riza was left stunned. She hadn’t thought about how she had never really been free from the shackles on her mind until after the northern and eastern mines were liberated. She had returned home to the Keep and Roy’s embrace feeling lighter and at peace. It was like her main purpose in her life had ran its course and it was complete. For the first time, lying in her bed as she ran her hands through a dozing Roy’s hair, Riza realised she felt whole.

“Thank you. I’m willing to accept that offer.”

Grumman grinned at her, giving her hand a quick squeeze.

 _After all, she will need to for their future_.

Elicia directed Roy by the hair up to the porch where he lifted her down from his shoulders.

“Why don’t we go and see if we can find your mother and father, Elicia?” Grumman asked, offering the youngster his hand. “I think Mum is making cookies,” he tempted. The girl’s eyes lit up in delight and she hopped in excitement.

“Oh, yes please!” She grabbed Grumman’s hand and begun to tug him along back inside the house. Her grandfather’s laughter echoed back to them as they watched their departure.

“Hey,” Riza greeted brightly, a grin finding its way to her face. That was another new sensation to discover again, smiling. “Did you have fun?” she asked.

“Yeah, but that kid has some grip,” he winced, rubbing the top of his head. Riza chuckled, bringing her own hand to rub his head. He instantly leaned into her touch. Roy stilled her hand, lacing his fingers with hers, and bringing it to his lips. He kissed her hand, eyes never leaving hers, leaving Riza feeling trapped but in the best way.

“It will be good practice for you,” she smiled.

Roy grinned back at her. He moved his free hand to her stomach, his palm splaying across it as if he could feel their child already. Riza had spoken with Marco two days ago and he had confirmed she was indeed pregnant.

In the weeks after she returned from the mines, and once Roy had healed, they had become _very_ familiar with one another again. Roy appeared to want to explore her whole body and who was Riza to say no? After all, she returned the favour.

The love he enveloped her in did more than bring her pleasure, it slowly helped heal her mind. She would latch onto it, reminding herself that she _survived_. She won the fight against Bradley and his tyranny and, while it had been a hard ten years, she had pushed through to the other side, with the assassins and the resistance to thank for it.

“It will indeed,” he murmured. His head dipped, capturing her lips with his own. Riza sighed into the kiss, still unable to comprehend that this man before her loved her _completely_. After everything she had gone through, what had she done to deserve an ending like this?

_You fought tooth and nail, Riza. That’s what you did. It’s about time you were rewarded for it._

“I love you,” she whispered as he rested his forehead against her, eyes closing as the sun slowly begun to dip in the sky. “Thank you, for everything you’ve done.” He smiled, eyes opening. She watched as his eyelashes fluttered and his orbs lifted to meet hers. She would know those eyes anywhere, their darkness showing nothing but his true feelings towards her. “You’ve helped me more than you could ever know.”

“I’d willingly do it again,” he replied, stealing another chaste kiss.

“But with less stabbing this time?” she asked.

“Oh yes,” he readily agreed with a chuckle. “Definitely with less stabbing.”

She hooked her arms around his neck, enveloping him in a hug. He responded in kind, burying his face in the crook of her neck. She felt him breathe in deep and exhale, the air tickling her skin, and Riza smiled to herself. Strong and warm arms wrapped protectively around her back, holding her so close.

“I’m glad,” she whispered.

“Sorry to have worried you so much. I’m only reckless when it comes to things I care about.”

“I can appreciate that,” she replied, because Riza was the same. She had run off from the Keep, disobeyed orders, with only Havoc was back up to go and free a slave camp with over one hundred of Bradley’s men inside. Riza had done it because she cared about those slaves that much. No one else did, so she had Havoc had to. “But no more near-death experiences for a while, please.”

“Deal,” he chuckled.

“I…” she struggled to find the right words she wanted to say, feeling a strong urge to finally voice what she had been mulling over for the past few months since Bradley fell.

“Yes?” he asked, pulling away to look at her. Tenderly, he brushed her fringe off her face.

“I know I have a hard time expressing myself, and I apologise for that. I want to get better… so, can you help me with it?”

Roy smiled softly at her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Of course, I will.”

“I want to be… ready. For when the little one comes.”

“Riza, you will be amazing,” Roy reassured her. “I _know_ you will.”

“But what if –”

“You’ll be fine. Honestly. We’ll both be fine. You’re the most loving, caring, and compassionate person I’ve ever met. If there’s anyone better suited to be a mother, it’s you.”

Riza felt heat rising in her cheeks at his compliments, another thing she was still to get used to. Not a day went by when Roy didn’t compliment her on something and every time she would blush, causing him to laugh. At this point, Riza was sure he was doing it just to get a reaction out of her.

However, his words didn’t settle the still gnawing fear in her gut.

“Your past doesn’t define you, Riza,” he reminded her, reading her mind. “If you don’t want that darkness to touch our child, then it doesn’t need to. It’s up to you to decide that.”

Seeing the worried expression on her face, he guided her over to the bench and joined her sitting in it. “As they grow older, I’d like for them to be aware of our history, so that they understand how horrific it was and know to avoid something like that happening again, however only when _you_ are comfortable with it. You decide that, not me.” Her nerves settled and she took a steadying breath, letting it all out in a rush. “Come here,” he beckoned, opening his arms.

Leaning into his embrace was like returning home.

“I love you so much and I can’t wait to meet our child. Even that fact alone still leaves me in stunned silence.” He kissed the top of her head. “I wouldn’t want to experience it with anyone else but you,” he added in a murmur.

Riza smiled at the prospect of growing old with Roy. A faceless child was by their side as well, holding their hands and beaming happily. This child would never know the darkness of a hideaway, except in a game. They would never know the fear of being ripped away from their family. They would be loved so much by both parents.

Yeah, that was what Riza wanted.


End file.
